Teenage Love

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The dark curls encircling his face matched the dark curl of his lips. His face, under the moonlight, looked chiseled to perfection. I wanted, so desperately, to reach out and trace the deep shadows left by the moon like foot prints, but something halted me. Tracing his eyes I realized the beautiful shade of the richest chocolate they held. At first glance, he would seem just another person; another fish to an endless ocean, but I look beyond that of which most people see. Passion is brought to life in his eyes. His lips, still in the devious smile, taunted me. One kiss. One touch, One love. I reach forward without hesitation and place my hand on his face. Closing his eyes he leans into my hand. His love for life shines through , and I want to tell him. Tell him that I love him, but I choke. I choke on the words before they can even be read on my lips.





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iluves2rite This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 24, 2011 at 1:27 pm
Thank you guys so much for commenting and supporting me! :D I didn't even think that this piece would get any views at all, but I am glad that people are actually reading my stuff!
 
Sparkora said...
Sept. 24, 2011 at 2:31 pm
No, I like "halted" where it is. "Something stopped me" would sound much more amatuer. You did a good job, don't change anything.
 
samwich7 said...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 10:57 am
I agree that you should say 'stopped' rather than 'halted'. But it's an excellent story that kept me locked in it's embrace until the end. You should add to it.
 
muffin said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:52 pm
who is it about care to tell...
 
caleb1997 said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 10:12 pm
really good! but this seems more like a poem to me...
 
BarefootInTheWoods said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 7:00 pm
Dang brown eyed boys! They get you everytime, don't they? It's amazing, and I swear, it's like you yanked one of my memories out of my head!
 
samwich7 replied...
Sept. 23, 2011 at 10:58 am
I agree! 
 
ChocoMint said...
Sept. 16, 2011 at 6:04 pm
Love it!  The metaphors and similies you use are perfect.  Honestly, I was so immersed into it that I didn't hear anything else going on around me.  =+)  The only advice I would give is to not use the word "halted" where you did.  Halted is more of the speaker's choice, not really the "something" you speak of.  Also I don't think you meant to put a comma after one touch.  Other than that, keep writing!  Could you check out my romance article as well?&... (more »)
 
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