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My Life Would Suck Without You
We were just ten years old, him and I. He was my best friend in the whole wide world, we would meet everyday after school at the park on Plum Street. I would always try to convince him to do homework with me, but he had a way of making me do things. We would run until one of us collapsed, or see who could get to the top of the big oak tree first. He knew everything about me and I knew everything about him. He knew that I couldn't keep a secret.
But on one fall day just after we started our last year of elementary school, I kept the biggest secret from him. My parents were getting a divorce and I had to move away. I had to move away from my tree house that we had sleep-overs in, I had to move away from every special memory I had of him.
Before I entered school that morning, I made sure of everything I was going to say to him. Why, when, where and how he could reach me if he felt like it.
I stayed silent until recess, I found him waiting in the spot where we always met. The air was making little wind tunnels of leaves and the cold was biting my cheeks. He had his hands in is pockets, starring off into the horizon.
"Colten?" I asked, he looked at me with his brilliant blue eyes.
"Hey, I want to show you something." He grabbed my hand and lead me over to a tree in the back corner of the playground. As we walked he covered my eyes with his hand.
"What is it?" I stumbled over a rock and was diving head first into the hard September ground, but just before I hit the ground, he caught me. Starring at the ground, I realized that I needed him in my life, and moving away wasn't doing any good.
"You okay?" His voice was the most beautiful thing I ever heard.
"I'm fine, what was it you wanted to show me?" He made a giant gesture to the tree he was standing next to, I didn't know the significance of it.
"Look," He pointed to a heart carved on the tree, with C+J BFFS 4EVER "Do you like it?" I started crying, I cried until I had no tears left to cry.
He held me his arms as I sobbed my eyes out, when I finished it was time to go back to class.
When school ended, I walked to the park like always. Of course Colten was there, on the swing set, his backpack on the ground next to him. I sat down on the swing next to his.
"I need to tell you something." My hands were beginning to shake the chains on the swing.
"About?" The tone is his voice said he knew what was coming.
"Colten I'm moving." I blurted it out all at once, the initial shock over. His face turned white.
"My parents are getting a divorce, my dad is moving back to Montana to find himself and I have to go with him." I started crying.
"Cant you stay with your mom?" His clear blue eyes where beginning to blur.
"She said where she is going, there are no children allowed. I visit her the day I turn eight teen." In my head I was screaming No! Don't let me leave you this way!
"I'm not leaving you." His voice was getting choppy. He needed me as much as I needed him.
"You have to. I will be back in a couple years, I promise." I was full on sobbing into my hands, straining my tears through my fingers.
"I am not leaving you. What about winter break or summer cant you see me then? We had plans for everything. Christmas, and my birthday and your birthday? You cant just up and walk away from that?" His and my chin started quivering.
"Colten, I love you. Your my best friend. I would never to anything to hurt you, but now its out of my hands. I cant stop from leaving." I stood up and grabbed my backpack from off the ground.
"Where are you going?" He jumped up and grabbed my arm, his cold fingers on my warm skin were sending a rush through me.
"Home. I have to pack." I released his grip from my arm and started walking.
"That's it? Your just going to walk away? When are you leaving?" He followed me, as usual.
"Sunday morning. Will you come and say good bye?" Tears returned to my eyes as I said goodbye.
"Of course I will, I wont let you leave without saying good bye." He walked toward his house and I walked toward mine. That marked the last day that I would see Colten Thomas.
Eight a.m Sunday rolled around, as I had hoped it wouldn't. The moving van was packed, my dad was in the car waiting for me.
Colten never showed. I left my home, my family and Colten behind without a formal good bye. I cried until we crossed the state border into Montana. The state was large, green, but it didn't have Colten.
Years past without contact with Colten, even though I prayed that someday he would come rescue me. Over these years my father turned to drink and violence. He turned to me as way out.
Days turned into months, and then months into years. 19551 days passed, that I lived without him.
The year I turned sixteen, my father died from an overdose on drugs. And I moved back to Idaho to live with my grandmother. Meaning that I was moving back to Colten.
When I arrived at my grandmothers house, I was scarred, broken, bruised and burned. The never ceasing reminder that my own father had become a monster.
I had long, dark bruises on my legs, arm and face. Pale white, puckered scars across my wrists. More nightmares to haunt me for the rest of my life.
I had to start school in the middle of the year, being a junior in a high school I thought I would never attend.
On my journey back from he**, I saw Colten's mother watering her garden in their front yard. At least one thing didn't change.
My grandmother had made up my mothers room for me, complete with a handmade quilt and old fashioned furniture. It smelled like my mothers perfume.
By the time I had unpacked all my things it was nine o'clock. I didn't eat, nor sleep. I stayed awake, cleaning and trying to cover up my scarred life.
Morning rolled around and I had to start high school. This meant grades, tests, football players and cheerleaders. But most of all it meant Colten. I could find him and tell him everything, tell him I'm sorry for not calling and I could tell him that I never stopped loving him.
I stood in front of the double doors leading into the school. My mind flashed back to the day I told Colten I was leaving, the way his eyes blurred.
A small woman in the front office lead me to my first class.
I walked into the beige room, looking for a familiar face. Sitting down in the corner of the room, I scanned every boys facial features, searching for Colten.
The entire day passed. No one I asked knew of a boy named Colten, except one guy knew a football player named Colten. In no way was that him, he hated football.
After school I did the only thing I knew to do, I walked to the park on Plum Street to do my homework.
I sat under my favorite oak tree, the shade only big enough for me to sit cross-legged under. After pulling out my physics text book, I tried to lose my self in it. My unsuccessful day was being to depress me.
No one knew Colten, no one knew me and already knew the things my classes were teaching.
A tall shadow fell over me. The frame suggested male, but I couldn't see the persons face.
"Do I know you?" Yep, male.
"I don't think so. I just moved here." I stood up to look the guy in the eye, but he backed away.
"Okay, cool. Where did you move here from?" Ugh, I don't have time for questions.
"Montana. My father died so I moved back here to live with my grandmother." He moved forward ever so slightly.
"That's too bad. If you need someone to show you around, I'd be happy to." He moved forward, out of the shadows. He had brilliant blue eyes and freckles across his nose.
"Thanks, I haven't been having the best day. I needed to find someone, but no one seems to know him." Wow, his eyes were really blue.
"Maybe I know him, whats his name?" Wait a second, I know those eyes.
"Colten. Colten Thomas." His blue eyes lit up, and starred at me.
"I--I'm Colten Thomas." My jaw dropped, I didn't what to say. I found him.
"Colten. I found you." I hugged him so tightly, he hugged me back tighter.
"Jessika, I cant believe its you." My throat clenched when he said my name.
"Colten. I missed you. I missed you so much." I never wanted him to let me go.
"Jess, I've waited years to tell you this." He let go of me and looked me blank in the eye.
"What is it?" He kept smiling and looking at me. Sizing me up, taking in the changes Ive made. His eyes found my scars.
"What happened to you? You didn't, try to kill yourself, did you?" Oh no. I couldn't tell him this, not now.
"Yes. I tried to kill myself, to get away from my father. But I can tell you later. What did you want to tell me?" His eyes went from happy to sad and then to glowing.
He just looked at me.
"Jessika, I love you."
"I love you too."
And in that moment, I saw our life's flash in front of us.
Colten and Jessika Thomas.