No Second Chances

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Later that night I see her. Of course with him. I try to not look over there so much; I try to stay focused on my friend’s conversations. But who am I kidding? Even if there was 3 million dollars sitting in front of me; I still couldn’t stop myself from looking at her.

He wraps an arm around her waist and I cringe as she looks up at him and smiles. I’m completely transfixed by her. Just the sight of her. And the fact that I’m not the one feeding her curly fries definitely adds to my staring. I can’t help it. Seeing them is torture and I hate it, but I simply can’t look away.

The sudden tug from my friends arm on my sleeve jerks me back to our side of the bowling alley. They ask me if everything’s good. I slide an easy grin on my face and tell them of course. And just like that I tell one of the biggest lies of my life.

A couple rounds later I saunter over to the bar to order food feeling empty not because of hunger, but because of longing. I order the food; sit on the stool and wait, all the while watching her. I sit there and watch the way he conducts that 80’s cliché move. Where he puts his arm around hers and guides her arm so she can have the perfect throw.
I used to do that and I used to love it. The feeling of her warm skin pressed gently up against mine. The sound of her laughter as we watch the bowling ball knock down every single pin. The feeling of her jumping into my arms screaming about her first strike of the night. And then of course the sensation of her lips pressed firmly into mine sending sparks throughout my body and temporarily making my mind go numb.
And as if she seemed to be reminiscing about the exact same memories her eyes easily find mine. She is across the suddenly too large room but I can still feel the familiar tingles I get whenever she’s around. We froze for a second like that; her eyes scanning my face and my yearning evident eyes scanning hers. Everyone else vanished, all there was, was me and her.
It’s like I could hear her sigh from across the building. Whether it was out of nostalgia or regret I’ll never know. But it was as if someone snapped their fingers and suddenly the moment was gone. She turned back around to him and my food suddenly appeared beside me. Sighing, I picked it up and started walking back towards my friends.
I allowed myself to stop and steal one more glance at her. I stared at her smiling figure for awhile and when she didn’t look back, I knew. It was over. Things were done. It was time to move on. Finally realizing this, I walked on.
Maybe if I hadn’t been such an idiot I would still be with her. Maybe if I had apologized sooner she wouldn’t be with him. Maybe if I had actually talked to her we could’ve still been friends.
Maybe if I had turned around one more time I would’ve seen her look back at me too.





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Pia H. said...
Sept. 18, 2011 at 8:25 pm

This was really good ; Keep on writing :)

 

 
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