The Ugly Phase

It was the same thing all the time. “You could do better,” “Oh my goodness, he’s ugly,” “What do you see in him,” “He’s so nerdy,” and “He’s nothing special.” In high school it all about looks. You see a cute guy and you automatically fall in love. You just have to have him. But I look past physical appearances. I think personality should always come first.
I see him all the time. I don’t know his name and I don’t know his grade. But I see him. I watch him every chance I get. I always notice the little things. The way he walked and talked. I noticed his laid-back demeanor and nonchalant attitude. I listen to his conversation to see what he’s like. And he is nerdy. But it perfect because I love nerds and have two shirts to prove it.
But I don’t think anything will ever happen between us. Firstly, I think he thinks I am a crazy stalker. Secondly, no matter how a guy looks he would always want to go out with someone beautiful. And honestly that’s just not me. Who would want to go out with an overweight, zit-faced sophomore? That’s a depressing question. I really need more self-confidence.

He’s a senior. We have so much in common! But…I just can’t talk to him. I’m scared of rejection and I have horrible communication skills. So I just watch. But it’s even hard to watch. I do this nervous habit where I repeatedly lick my lips and my eyebrows are high on my forehead. I did that the first and only time he spoke to me. It was last year. He said something about no freshmen allowed. Naturally I laughed, nervously, and looked at him from under my eyebrow. And that was the extent of our nonexistent relationship.
Even though I may seem like a psychotic stalker, I’m not so serious about this crush. Well, I wouldn’t call it a crush it a…um…a thing. I really don’t know what it is. All my friends they’re pretty. So all of them either have a boyfriend, had a boyfriend, or had someone ask them out. I’ve never experienced any of those. In fact I’ve never been kissed. Most of my friends are girls so I haven’t had a chance to interact with the opposite sex. Apparently I have a hostile appearance. And hostility is not very attracted.
What I’m trying to say is that I don’t know what I want. I think the concept of a teenage love affair appeals to me. I want someone to hold hands with in the hallways. Someone to walk me to my classes. Someone to share a locker with. But I guess now isn’t the time. My mother says everyone has an ugly phase. I guess this is mine.





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