We stand, solitary statues, looking out to see. Its calm waves ripple gently over each other, fighting to be the first one to touch the sandy surface. Physically, were close. I can here the heavy structure of his breathing, through the back of my eye I see his blonde hair tumbling in the wind. People grow up, people change. Situations can pull you apart. This was one of those times. If I wanted, I could reach out my arm, and touch him. But I wouldn’t feel the same tingle at my fingertips, the jolt of electricity wouldn’t spark my veins. Despite, the physical aspect, we were miles and miles apart. To far too reach, to far to hold onto. His eyes are still on the sea, the same colour as the waves that are touching my toes. They were once bright blue and glimmering, but now they’re dull and murky. I want to speak, but the silence is too thick to be disturbed. Or maybe, I’m worried my voice won’t carry the distance. This wasn’t fair. How could two people be so passionately close, and, in the blink of a teary eye, be so far apart? I want to shut my eyes, but I know this will be the last time I see him. The last time I see him like this. After that, it will be short, pained glances in the corridor, avoidance. This is the last time I will see him because I can’t afford to hurt myself any longer. This is my last goodbye, to my first love. The waves ripple over us, the water is icy, and cold, but is nothing compared to the chill spreading over my body. He turns to face me, his expression blank and controlled. Still the silence lingers, gathering like a storm between us. There is nothing else to be said. Nothing that could be said to mend the tears in our relationship, no healing words. Sometimes, when a mirror is smashed, its best to leave it broken than to cut you by putting the pieces back together, I have too many scars on my hands to deny that. I know now, that we were never meant to be together. As much as I tried to ignore the fact, it was obvious. We were too far away. Our hearts beat at the same time, but in different directions. I tried to notice everything about him, the strength of his muscles which was prominent through his top. The strong jaw line and his white teeth. The way he got childlike dimples when he smiled. The angle of his nose. The colour of his skin, the feel of it against mine. The blueness of his eyes. The way they sparkled in the sun. I pulled my eyes away. He leaned towards me slowly, and I knew what to expect. This was really the end. The last page of our story. I used to think there was no distance to big, but I was wrong. This was the end for us. The end of a relationship, the end of a friendship. The last kiss.
The last kiss.
August 11, 2011