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Was Never Meant For Love

By , Dorchester, NJ
"You don't have to go." I said, I spoke softly and sadly knowing he did. "Yes I do, you know I do." Seamus said unmoved, tears ran down his cheeks but his voice was strong, masculine as it always has been. He walked over to me, putting his arm around my waist, I pulled away. "I think you should leave." he sighed when he spoke you could hear his sadness, he no longer sounded as strong as usual, more like he had given up, "Please Jess don't-". I cut him off, "I have to if I let you touch me, kiss me, it will only make things worse." He opened the door making a soft squeaking sound. I walked him out to the front door and watched him get in his car and drive away, wishing he would come back and do what he had wanted. What I wanted. But I was losing him forever I wasn't going to pretend it wouldn't hurt more if I kissed him one last time because it would. It would make it that much harder for me to let go.

The months went by and I tried to let go and get over it and eventually I did. I even fell in love with a girl, yes a girl. Things were going great, then he came back. He wasn't the same though, he nerver would be. He came up hugged me and we talked for a little while and then Shannon came up, "Seamus, hey I haven't seen you in forever!" he smiled that da** smile, the smile he use to give me. He hugged her, longer than he hugged me. I walked next to Shannon hugged her and kissed her as usual but she pulled away quickly, why? She asked me to go get her her bag from her car and like a sucker I did. I came back just a few minutes later, Seamus had his arm around her and my heart sank. You break my heart by leaving then you come back and break my heart by stealing my girlfriend? Great. I walked up tears falling down my cheeks, "Really? You," I said pointing at Seamus, "Have the nerve to break my heart by leaving and then steal my girlfriend, and you, you are such a wh***! I would have done anything for you, and him! He'll just do you and go back home!" Shannon moved closer to me looking me in the eye as her's teared up, "Jess please don't I love him I always have." I balled my hand into a first squeezing tightly. "Just like you said you loved me?"I questioned angrily, she looked at her feet and sobbed, "That's what I figured"

I walked away and what I said would happen did, they dated the week he was here and then he left to go back home and Shannon started talking to me again. We were nerve the same, I love her to this day but I'll nerver tell her that, or anyone for that matter. Shannon is the one I want but will nerver have, not even when she wants me because she'll only hurt me and that's just the way it is the way it will always be. I guess I just wasn't meant to be loved.





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