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I awoke from my sleep and wiped my eyes trying to remember what happen the day before. And why did I wake up smiling almost blushing, but then crying with a sudden regret for something. I had a dream. A good dream. Well sort of till I woke up. It was a dream about Raphiel. We were together in a meadow. (Yeah I know cheesy right!) We were there, our bodies lying in a line, our heads sitting side by side. We were talking, laughing and just being fond of each other’s company. We spent hours together, just us two.
No one else. No one to bother us. No one to separate us. No one to judge us. No one to tell us we don’t belong together or this just couldn’t be. I was finally happy. Ready to spend just about every waken moment of my life with him. But then all of a sudden just as we were about to kiss the mood changed. My heart suddenly dropped, the air became almost suffocating. The area around us turned to a near darkness. The sky was purple and blue. The grass was weak and hear lifeless. All the animals and creatures fled. Because they knew, they saw what was about to happen. My heart -
I soon realized that I was hanging from a cliff facing my own death. Above me were a bunch of gang members screaming, shouting and yelling at Raphiel. Telling him to toss me over. Telling him that if he didn’t they would kill him. They told him that I’m not worth it and that they were his true and only family. I couldn’t see their faces, they didn’t have one. But I could feel their hatred for me and I just couldn’t understand why.
I don’t want Raphiel to die. I want him to live. And if killing myself was the only way to save him then so be it because I….because I-
I was just about to release my hands from the edge of the cliff but then Raphiel grabbed me just in the nick of time and started to pull me up. I shouted at him angrily begging him to stop but he refused telling me that his life is worthless without me in it. At that moment I knew……I just knew that I was-
I embraced him tightly, proud that he saved me because I truly wasn’t ready to die as of yet. At least not without telling him something. Something that I was putting off because I was terrified to actually admit.
With tears full of fear and relief flowing from my face I just needed to see his face and comfort. I stared fiercely into Raphiel’s eyes as he did mine. Then he said it. He finally said it. Raphiel said, “I love you Angelique”.
And then it happened. They shot him.
He fell into my arms. I froze then screamed. Shouting at him, begging him not to die. Then they shot him again. He was about to fall off the edge. But just before did, he touch the side of my face and said it once more, “I love you Angelique. And forever I will always love you.” Then he fell off the cliff. I tried to grab him but I soon realize I was injured too. I was wounded and covered in his and my own blood. I was too weak to catch him, to reach him……I laid at the edge of the cliff looking into his eyes trying to tell him that I love him too but I just couldn’t, my mouth wouldn’t open. It wasn’t sealed shut or anything, it just wouldn’t open. And all I could see was Raphiel falling telling me “l love you, I will always love you Angelique”, over and over again. And all I could do was watch. He just smiled. That’s when I woke up.
That’s when it hit me. I know what happened yesterday. Raphiel died for me. He saved my life while speaking his last words, which were “I love you Angelique”. I also remember still being unable to tell him that I loved him too.
I burst into a waterfall of tears. I just couldn’t bear it. It hurt so much. The pain of losing Raphiel forever, me not ever telling him how I really feel, him telling me how much he loved me, him betraying me and the fact that he took the risk in saving my life hurt me the most. I just got over him and now this happen.
“It’s not fair, it’s not fair!” I cried into my knees almost silently.
I pulled my head out from in between my knees, “Why did u leave me?”
“Why did you tell me you loved me?” I began to shout.
“Why did u die?” I said in a chuckled cry.
“Why!” I screamed violently into my pillow while squeezing it tightly. “Why did you do this to me! It’s not Fair!” I shouted again throwing my pillow into my dresser breaking everything. Everything on my dresser fell off and everything that could be broken broke.
I got up looked towards my mirror and shouted
“I HATE YOU.....I HATE YOUUUUU…..I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU!” I repeated over and over again.
I knelt to the ground crying silently with my hands in between my legs. That’s when Siarra rushed in. She burst opened my room door.
“What’s the matter? Are you ok? I heard you scream then something break!” She asked scared and concerned.
The rest of our little gang followed after Siarra. They all stood by my door peering into my room looking at me all broken and empty. I looked up at Siarra after wiping my face but still profusely tearing.
“I love him. I love him Siarra. I truly do love him. And he’ll never know it. He’ll never ever hear me say it. I love him so much.”
Siarra swiftly grabbed and embraced me tightly. She held on for dear life.
“It’s ok Ange. I know. I know you did. I hate to admit it but we all did. He changed our lives……forever and we’ll never forget him. He truly was precious to us all.”
That right there took me off edge. I cried even harder wishing for him to come back, wishing for this pain to stop, hoping by some miracle I could see him again, but I knew that would never be. I knew it was over he really was…..gone!