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Because You're Up There
The street before Ryan Dawson was empty, as it should be at three in the morning. This was the street where it had all went down, where everything that Ryan cared about was ripped from his hands, and his heart went with it. He and the love of his life, Bailey, had been walking down this very street, towards Bailey's house, not thinking tonight would be any different than any other night they spent together. They were madly in love, with nothing except their age keeping them from marriage.
They were 17, and more in love than people who had been married for years.
They had been talking about nothing in particular, just their usual night. “I want to be part of your world,” Ryan had said, biting his lip, his hand squeezing Bailey's. He was rubbing her fingers as they interlocked with his, their world, for a moment, perfect.
“Ryan, can't you see? You're already my world.” Bailey was looking at Ryan, her eyes misty. It was almost like Bailey knew what was happening next. Bailey pecked Ryan on the lips, and began to run towards her house, her head snapping back to watch Ryan chase her, but Ryan could see what Bailey could not. A large yellow truck jumped the curb, the driver slumped behind the wheel. The headlights lit up Bailey's features, moments before impact. Her body hit the car with a deafening crash, and there was nothing Ryan could do. He sank to his knees, closing his eyes to stop the tears.
When Ryan's eyes opened, everything was quiet again. For a moment, he didn't know where he was. All he could think, all he knew, was Bailey was nowhere to be found. He thought she was hiding, a smile on her gorgeous face, without a doubt. The only thing wrong with the perfect little street was the twisted metal, and the blood. The blood was seeping into the cracks of the concrete, and Bailey was no where to be found. Ryan was numb, knowing already that Bailey was dead. His everything, his entire world, was dead in moments. The body behind the wheel was bleeding too, and as the neighbors came out to investigate, his vision blurred further as he went into shock.
His clothes were stained with her blood, but his mind and soul were contaminated with every memory of her. Ryan couldn't speak as the neighbors asked their questions, and as the paramedics asked their questions. Ryan wasn't stupid. He was madly in love with a girl they couldn't save.
He blocked everyone and everything out, his mind filling with nothing but Bailey. He looked up to the sky, which by now was filling with the early morning twilight. His mother had decided to leave him alone when he lay out in the front yard, where he and Bailey had been laying only a few hours ago.
Nothing seemed real to Ryan anymore. The only thing he could see, hear, touch, taste, everything, was Bailey. He could feel her warm hands in his, her calloused skin rubbing against his own and making him feel on top of the world. Her clothes, soft against Ryan's arms as they walked, and her eyes, the nearly coal black pupils he had craved for so many years. Her smell, the beautiful Bailey smell, that he held close to his face when she left sweatshirts at his house. Bailey. His perfect girl. His wonderful girl. The girl he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. The girl who was now laying on the cold metal table in a morgue, to be examined. The thought made Ryan cry harder.
Ryan lay in the front yard of his tiny house, tears streaming down his face. He felt like he could almost reach out and touch Bailey, wherever she was. But he knew she'd make it to heaven. She had to. She was perfect, she deserved heaven. Ryan suddenly got up on his knees, pressing his palms together. He was praying to Bailey. He was telling her everything. Every single thing. Ryan felt like the world was dying with Bailey, and Ryan needed her to be happy. Without her, he was nothing.
The breeze played with Ryan's hair, and he smiled. Bailey was sending her love, from where ever she was. His eyes filled with fresh tears when he realized all the things he and Bailey would never get to do. He'd never get to marry her. They would never get to have children together. Grandchildren. Bailey wouldn't be able to do any of these things. And without her, there was no point in doing any of these things.
Ryan looked up at the sky, where he knew Bailey was watching over him, tears streaming down her face, no doubt. The sky looked beautiful, and Ryan knew it was because of Bailey. Ryan was still numb.
Days passed in this stupor, and the sky was still just as beautiful. Ryan felt like it was all a dream, and he'd wake up with Bailey next to him, her dark eyes looking into his, waiting for him to wake up. But Ryan didn't wake up. This was reality, and Ryan really didn't want to accept it.
He was in denial. He assured himself that Bailey wasn't dead, she was just away. She was on vacation somewhere. He had to keep assuring himself this, or he wouldn't be able to get himself out of bed in the morning, and he wouldn't be able to stop crying long enough to remember how to breathe.
Ryan wasn't stupid. Ryan was in love. He couldn't tell himself that she was dead. She couldn't be dead. They promised to spend eternity with each other. But eternity ended quickly, too quickly. But the truth came crashing down on Ryan, and he knew it was time to accept the fact that she was gone.
Ryan knelt down in front of his open window, the sky just giving over to darkness. Bailey's favorite time of the day. He lowered his head to meet his hands, his eyes already filling with tears.
“Hi Bailey. I know you're up there, somewhere. But before you forget me, like the dead always do, I want you to know how much I love you. It's hard to explain how much I love you, because nothing can compare to how much I do. Without you, my world is nothing, it's useless. You're my everything, Bailey. I don't want to live without you. I also want you to know something. Every moment with you was the best moment of my life, and I wouldn't change it for the world.” Ryan felt the tear drops hit his knees, hit the bandages that were keeping his knees from bleeding just like his heart.
“And one more thing, Bailey, before I let you go.” Ryan knew what he was about to say was true, more true that a huge part of his being would be gone without Bailey. “I noticed how beautiful the sky was the other day, and then I realized it was because you were up there.”