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A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

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Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.




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This article has 232 comments. Post your own!

SpringRayynThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 9:02 pm:
Funny! Haha it's so cute.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 9:11 pm :
Thank you! :)
 
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GzusFreak10This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 5:32 pm:

Love. This. If i had a little sister, this is EXACTLY what i would write to her future bf. BEAUTIFUL!

(this is in response to "feedback for feedback")

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 8:42 pm :
Thanks for commenting!
 
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LaceeJade This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 3:06 pm:
This is sooo funny! I love it!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 3:27 pm :
I'm glad you enjoyed it.  Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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Silent-TearsThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 3:02 pm:
haha!! This made me smile! I love it!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 3:27 pm :
Thanks for reading my work! :)
 
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IreneEYtonKratzThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 5:58 am:
hahaha! This is very good. You succeed in being hilarious.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Oct. 3, 2011 at 3:27 pm :
Thanks! :)          
 
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Steph0804This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Oct. 1, 2011 at 11:44 am:

Hilarious! I laughed so hard my mom came into the room to ask what I was doing! 5 stars!

 

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Oct. 2, 2011 at 5:30 pm :
Thanks!  I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)
 
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CarsonFairclothThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 1:11 pm:

This will be my second story I've read out of the five I have promised. :)

 

Your stories, I noticed, are always very grammatically correct---thank you for that! I find errors distracting.

 

The style of writing flows nicely; however, I enjoy the actual concept more. This reminded me of my family, only it wouldn't be my mother the boy would have to fear; it would be me. ;)

 

You get the tone of the story very well. Though, again,... (more »)

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Sept. 17, 2011 at 1:21 pm :
Thanks for your feedback! :)
 
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julian This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 2:13 pm:
haha, that's funny!! I like it! But yeah,  I don't think I'd be dating your sister anytime soon. I'm a little scared by mom's who have the auras of a mafia boss. But nice work!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Sept. 11, 2011 at 5:20 pm :
Meh, I think my sister's a little young for you yet. ;)  She's only eleven.
 
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JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 10:05 am:
That is funny i love it!!!!!!!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Sept. 10, 2011 at 1:05 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
JoPepperThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. replied...
Sept. 13, 2011 at 4:17 pm :
You're welcome!!! :D
 
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Alantis said...
Sept. 8, 2011 at 7:44 pm:
Good writing. Not very fond of the plot line though. I felt like there was no one on the other side of your talking.
 
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