A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius


Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.


The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!

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This article has 234 comments.


on Oct. 4 2011 at 9:10 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I'm glad it made you smile! :)

purpleink GOLD said...
on Oct. 4 2011 at 11:59 am
purpleink GOLD, Pendleton, Oregon
17 articles 0 photos 32 comments

Favorite Quote:
The early bird gets the worm but the second rat gets the cheese.

There is more to life besides increasing its speed.

I have a younger sister, so i totally get it. :) made me smile.

on Oct. 3 2011 at 9:11 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you! :)

on Oct. 3 2011 at 9:02 pm
SpringRayyn PLATINUM, Lakeville, Minnesota
34 articles 2 photos 658 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't punish yourself," she heard her say again, but there would be punishment and pain, and there would be happiness too. That was writing."
--Markus Zusak, "The Book Thief"

Funny! Haha it's so cute.

on Oct. 3 2011 at 8:42 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting!

on Oct. 3 2011 at 5:32 pm
GzusFreak10 GOLD, Staten Island, New York
17 articles 0 photos 102 comments

Love. This. If i had a little sister, this is EXACTLY what i would write to her future bf. BEAUTIFUL!

(this is in response to "feedback for feedback")


on Oct. 3 2011 at 3:27 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I'm glad you enjoyed it.  Thanks for commenting! :)

on Oct. 3 2011 at 3:27 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for reading my work! :)

on Oct. 3 2011 at 3:27 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :)          

LaceeJade GOLD said...
on Oct. 3 2011 at 3:06 pm
LaceeJade GOLD, Bucyrus, Ohio
17 articles 4 photos 136 comments

Favorite Quote:
♥ I've made mistakes in my life. i've let people take advantage of me, and i accepted way less than i deserve. But, i've learned from my bad choices, and even though there are some things i can never get back and people who will never be sorry. i'll know better next time and i wont settle for anything less than i deserve. ♥

This is sooo funny! I love it!

on Oct. 3 2011 at 3:02 pm
Kev-Girl SILVER, Plymouth, Indiana
5 articles 0 photos 86 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life is a maybe. Death is for sure. Sin is the cause. Christ is the cure. :)

Love is the breath of God, and prayer is the melody that makes it sing.

If you cant annoy someone, there's no point in writing.

Love is overrated, marry for money.

haha!! This made me smile! I love it!

GreyGirl ELITE said...
on Oct. 3 2011 at 5:58 am
GreyGirl ELITE, Pohang,Kyungbuk, Other
170 articles 122 photos 392 comments
hahaha! This is very good. You succeed in being hilarious.

on Oct. 2 2011 at 5:30 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks!  I'm glad you enjoyed it! :)

Steph0804 GOLD said...
on Oct. 1 2011 at 11:44 am
Steph0804 GOLD, Seoul, Other
12 articles 4 photos 206 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Explaining a joke is like dissecting a frog: you understand it better, but the frog dies in the process." -E.B. White

Hilarious! I laughed so hard my mom came into the room to ask what I was doing! 5 stars!

 


on Sep. 17 2011 at 1:21 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for your feedback! :)

on Sep. 17 2011 at 1:11 pm
CarsonFaircloth, Nowhere, New Hampshire
0 articles 0 photos 20 comments

This will be my second story I've read out of the five I have promised. :)

 

Your stories, I noticed, are always very grammatically correct---thank you for that! I find errors distracting.

 

The style of writing flows nicely; however, I enjoy the actual concept more. This reminded me of my family, only it wouldn't be my mother the boy would have to fear; it would be me. ;)

 

You get the tone of the story very well. Though, again, I would make a correction: Perhaps change the font of this? It is a letter, after all. Perhaps italic it---that would be enough---or actually choose a font that looks like handwriting, and "sign" it at the bottom, maybe even add a P.S. I just really want to be able to believe this is a letter---and a warning one, at that!

 

Otherwise, nice work!


on Sep. 13 2011 at 4:17 pm
JoPepper PLATINUM, Annandale, Virginia
35 articles 0 photos 782 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Freedom is the ability to not care what the other person thinks."

"Not all those who wander are lost" --JRR Tolkien

"When you are listening to music it is better to cover your eyes than your ears." --Jose' Bergamin

You're welcome!!! :D

on Sep. 11 2011 at 5:20 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Meh, I think my sister's a little young for you yet. ;)  She's only eleven.

julian GOLD said...
on Sep. 11 2011 at 2:13 pm
julian GOLD, Eugene, Oregon
17 articles 17 photos 223 comments

Favorite Quote:
The goal is not about living forever, the goal is about creating something that can.

haha, that's funny!! I like it! But yeah,  I don't think I'd be dating your sister anytime soon. I'm a little scared by mom's who have the auras of a mafia boss. But nice work!

on Sep. 10 2011 at 1:05 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)


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