A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius


Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.


The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!

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This article has 237 comments.


on Dec. 6 2011 at 3:47 pm
thalialisset SILVER, Jamaica, New York
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Judge Its Book By It's Cover

ur welcome;)

 


on Dec. 5 2011 at 7:53 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting!

on Dec. 5 2011 at 7:30 pm
thalialisset SILVER, Jamaica, New York
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Judge Its Book By It's Cover

very nice written...thius is sooo  what my sister would say  tooo....luvvv  it:)

on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:46 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :)       

on Nov. 27 2011 at 4:45 pm
AmieeHope-Sierra GOLD, Royston, Georgia
11 articles 0 photos 116 comments

Favorite Quote:
And There Will Come A Time, You'll See, With No More Tears. And Love Will Not Break Your Heart, But Dismiss Your Fears.

Great I love it!

on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:35 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)

--sarah SILVER said...
on Nov. 27 2011 at 3:28 pm
--sarah SILVER, Andover, Massachusetts
5 articles 0 photos 7 comments

Favorite Quote:
Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations. I may not reach them, but I can look up and see their beauty, believe in them, and try to follow where they lead.
~Louisa May Alcott

definitely reminds me of my family! i loved how humorous it was, but still so well written. great job!

on Nov. 25 2011 at 7:36 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for the suggestion! :)

on Nov. 25 2011 at 7:25 pm
LifesIllusion BRONZE, Cicero, Indiana
4 articles 0 photos 127 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Don't let your fears slow you down. Instead, chase them down and beat them."

Definitly made me laugh. Though I was waiting to hear what you would do once he walked through that door you know? I wanted to know how YOU were going to protect your little sister. That's just a suggestion because maybe you already do do something! anyway keeep writing:)

on Nov. 18 2011 at 8:03 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! I'm glad it was entertaining. :)

on Nov. 17 2011 at 10:39 pm
Afanen PLATINUM, Santa Rosa, California
49 articles 0 photos 47 comments

Favorite Quote:
"But you see, Meg, just because we don't understand doesn't mean that the explanation doesn't exist."


- Madeleine L'Engle, A Wrinkle in Time

I wouldn't put it past my family to do this, sadly. :) Funny story.

on Nov. 15 2011 at 2:49 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks!  I'm glad you thought it was funny. :)

on Nov. 15 2011 at 10:56 am
AnimaCordis GOLD, London, Other
13 articles 0 photos 132 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Evil is when the good do nothing"

I thought this very funny ( it remindes me of my family)i really like your use of using two possiblilites to describe the boyfriend, and then always going for the less attractive one. Great voice in this peice. It's so different from your other work it shows you have talent!

on Nov. 14 2011 at 7:12 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :)                   

on Nov. 14 2011 at 6:35 pm
Hannibal_the_Vegetarian_Cannibal SILVER, A Nice Place In, Virginia
7 articles 2 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Life is not about waiting for the storm to pass; it's about learning to dance in the rain." ~Anonymous


"For he loved her, as you can only love someone who is an echo of yourself in your time of deepest sorrow." ~ Orson Scott Card

Love it! You are great at writing humorous stuff. I feel sorry for the poor guy, though . . .

on Nov. 11 2011 at 3:16 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Of course I'll look at your new chapters!  Thanks so much for commenting. :)

on Nov. 11 2011 at 11:29 am
Tink1350 BRONZE, Medford, New York
4 articles 0 photos 104 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Worries are like weights and weights keep you down, so let go of your worries and fly,"

Omg I have a little sister and I would so print this out and give it to any boy she brings home haha. And btw, I just posted more chapters of my novel the ember pendant so if you could take a look at the new chapters when they get posted thatd be great! Thanks Carrie.

on Oct. 18 2011 at 11:01 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting!

on Oct. 18 2011 at 11:29 am
RayBaytheDinosaur GOLD, Hampton, South Carolina
18 articles 17 photos 159 comments

Favorite Quote:
Beauty is in the eye of the beholder

Haha xD poor guy lol cute story though!

on Oct. 10 2011 at 2:49 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)  Generally threat mail isn't as funny as this.


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