A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius


Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.


The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!

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This article has 236 comments.


on Dec. 31 2011 at 11:51 am
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2216 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity.
~Amoniel

"Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'"
~Thesilentraven

Heh heh heh :) Very nice!

on Dec. 23 2011 at 7:41 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :) You didn't expect humour from me? That's probably because you read one of my most serious stories first.

Malsie8 GOLD said...
on Dec. 23 2011 at 7:31 pm
Malsie8 GOLD, Placentia, California
12 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
"All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us"
-Lord of the Rings

Wow! Definitely didn't expect something as humerous as this from you! It's great to see that you have a dynamic ground for writing! Really I have nothing bad to say about this piece, it was funny, entertaining and purly relatable!

on Dec. 23 2011 at 12:56 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)

on Dec. 23 2011 at 5:47 am
Pen2Paper BRONZE, Eatons Hill, Other
3 articles 0 photos 14 comments

Favorite Quote:
This was said by Abraham Lincoln: It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

This is really great. I could imagine my older brother writing something like that, my little brother would probs just make stupid jokes, and run around the house yelling and telling my boyfriend embarrassing stories. Really funny, thanks for posting

on Dec. 22 2011 at 5:42 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :) I'm glad it made you laugh.

on Dec. 22 2011 at 5:42 pm
idc-wat-they-think SILVER, Augusta, Georgia
5 articles 0 photos 10 comments

Favorite Quote:
every sinner has a future every saint has a past

this is hilarious i like died laughing

on Dec. 17 2011 at 8:36 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)

TapTap SILVER said...
on Dec. 17 2011 at 8:34 pm
TapTap SILVER, New Berlin, Wisconsin
8 articles 0 photos 146 comments

Favorite Quote:
Dream as if you'll live forever, love like there is no tomorrow, dance like there is no one watching.

This is halarious! i dont have a little isiter but i hav parents like that! i love it! great work!

on Dec. 17 2011 at 8:12 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks!  I'm glad it made you laugh. :)

on Dec. 17 2011 at 8:11 pm
Hexenbiest SILVER, Winona, Ohio
5 articles 0 photos 8 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man."
"You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around -- and why his parents will always wave back."
Life is a game, play it....Life is too precious, do not destroy it."
"Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn. My God, do you learn."

Lol, Haha I almost died laughing when it said. "If she conned you into vistiting us, you must be very brave or very stupid." Haha! Wow! Thats great Carrie!

 


on Dec. 10 2011 at 10:26 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting!  And yeah, I spotted that mistake as soon as I posted it. :)

LassieBob GOLD said...
on Dec. 10 2011 at 10:26 pm
LassieBob GOLD, Albion, Pennsylvania
17 articles 4 photos 5 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Pain is pain. It could be physical or mental, but all in all? Everyone's hurting."

Haha this was awesome =]

 

A few errors... Well, one that I can see. The last use of 'dad' should be capitalized. But besides that, I thought it was great. Very humorous, and very realistic for my family...  =p


on Dec. 10 2011 at 9:20 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting!  But no, a sequel to this wouldn't be nearly as good as the original.

on Dec. 10 2011 at 2:17 pm
UNserieswriter, New York
0 articles 0 photos 75 comments

Favorite Quote:
idk my bff jill

this was great! you should write something like this, but longer.

actually make it a continuation of this. go into what your mother can do to hurt the boy!


on Dec. 9 2011 at 9:45 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks so much! :)

on Dec. 9 2011 at 9:45 pm
whateverjuliet BRONZE, Miami, Florida
3 articles 3 photos 89 comments

Favorite Quote:
true love never dies,it only gets stronger with time.

:) made me chuckle! great work! original too!

on Dec. 9 2011 at 9:45 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks!  :)  I'm glad it made you laugh!

on Dec. 9 2011 at 9:44 pm
Resonating_Words SILVER, Dallas, Texas
5 articles 10 photos 87 comments

Reading this was enjoyable! I love the imagery of it all -- I could see the scene unfolding in my mind. This, I commend you for. 

As the oldest of four children, and two more young ones popping in as part of the deal when my mother remarried, I would like to say I can sympathized with the narrator here. 

Thou shall not harm the young girl!

Anyways, I giggled while I read this ^__^ Very well done, as usual it seems!


on Dec. 6 2011 at 3:47 pm
thalialisset SILVER, Jamaica, New York
8 articles 0 photos 29 comments

Favorite Quote:
Don't Judge Its Book By It's Cover

ur welcome;)

 





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