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A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

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Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.



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This article has 232 comments. Post your own!

Pen2Paper said...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 5:47 am:
This is really great. I could imagine my older brother writing something like that, my little brother would probs just make stupid jokes, and run around the house yelling and telling my boyfriend embarrassing stories. Really funny, thanks for posting
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 23, 2011 at 12:56 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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idc-wat-they-think said...
Dec. 22, 2011 at 5:42 pm:
this is hilarious i like died laughing
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 22, 2011 at 5:42 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :) I'm glad it made you laugh.
 
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thefamoustapper said...
Dec. 17, 2011 at 8:34 pm:
This is halarious! i dont have a little isiter but i hav parents like that! i love it! great work!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 17, 2011 at 8:36 pm :
Thanks for commenting! :)
 
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LassieBob said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm:

Haha this was awesome =]

 

A few errors... Well, one that I can see. The last use of 'dad' should be capitalized. But besides that, I thought it was great. Very humorous, and very realistic for my family...  =p

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 10:26 pm :
Thanks for commenting!  And yeah, I spotted that mistake as soon as I posted it. :)
 
_Unwritten_15 replied...
Dec. 17, 2011 at 8:11 pm :

Lol, Haha I almost died laughing when it said. "If she conned you into vistiting us, you must be very brave or very stupid." Haha! Wow! Thats great Carrie!

 

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 17, 2011 at 8:12 pm :
Thanks!  I'm glad it made you laugh. :)
 
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UNserieswriter said...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 2:17 pm:

this was great! you should write something like this, but longer.

actually make it a continuation of this. go into what your mother can do to hurt the boy!

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 10, 2011 at 9:20 pm :
Thanks for commenting!  But no, a sequel to this wouldn't be nearly as good as the original.
 
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whateverjulietThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 9:45 pm:
:) made me chuckle! great work! original too!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 9:45 pm :
Thanks so much! :)
 
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Resonating_Words said...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 9:44 pm:

Reading this was enjoyable! I love the imagery of it all -- I could see the scene unfolding in my mind. This, I commend you for. 

As the oldest of four children, and two more young ones popping in as part of the deal when my mother remarried, I would like to say I can sympathized with the narrator here. 

Thou shall not harm the young girl!

Anyways, I giggled while I read this ^__^ Very well done, as usual it seems!

 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 9, 2011 at 9:45 pm :
Thanks!  :)  I'm glad it made you laugh!
 
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thalialisset said...
Dec. 6, 2011 at 3:47 pm:

ur welcome;)

 

 
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thalialisset said...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 7:30 pm:
very nice written...thius is sooo  what my sister would say  tooo....luvvv  it:)
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Dec. 5, 2011 at 7:53 pm :
Thanks for commenting!
 
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JamieNicole said...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:45 pm:
Great I love it!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Nov. 27, 2011 at 4:46 pm :
Thanks! :)       
 
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