A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
By CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius


Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.


The author's comments:
This is from my own point-of-view, but it is a fictional letter. Then again, this could happen in real life if my little sister brings a boyfriend home!

Please leave a comment and tell me what you think!

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This article has 234 comments.


Taconut7 GOLD said...
on Apr. 21 2012 at 1:21 pm
Taconut7 GOLD, Cohasset, Minnesota
17 articles 1 photo 34 comments

Favorite Quote:
Life's challenges are not to bring you down, they are to help you become a stronger and better person! -Me

"If you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will forever live its life believing it is stupid." - Albert Einstein

Haha! That was hilarious!!!!!! Great job at making my day!

on Mar. 14 2012 at 12:14 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you for taking the time to comment!

Regia SILVER said...
on Mar. 13 2012 at 10:48 am
Regia SILVER, Greenville, South Carolina
7 articles 1 photo 37 comments

Favorite Quote:
You laugh because I'm different, I laugh because you're all the same.
We're only young once, but with humor we can be immature forever.
If you're going to get into trouble for hitting someone, you might as well do it hard.
After a game, the king and the pawn go in the same box.

Haha, so humourous and convincing! Such a delightful touch of reality and protectiveness even through the laughter-invoking language and general story outline. Thank you for writing!

on Feb. 29 2012 at 6:43 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks for commenting! :)

on Feb. 29 2012 at 4:18 am
ILoveWritingAlot BRONZE, E, Other
3 articles 5 photos 57 comments

Favorite Quote:
Every end is a new beginning;
What a caterpillar calls an end the rest of the world calls a butterfly;
There never was a good war, or a bad peace.;
“People will believe anything if you whisper it.”
“Where words fail, Music speaks”

really very nice :) i really liked it i also liked your book reviews...please try the revies writen by me :D

on Feb. 13 2012 at 8:06 am
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :)

on Feb. 13 2012 at 2:12 am
GingerLily BRONZE, Aulnay-sur-Mauldre, Other
3 articles 6 photos 79 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world" - Oscar Wilde

So cute! I can completely relate this to my family xD

on Feb. 1 2012 at 10:07 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

The family lives in a rural place where guns are common. And they're very protective of their youngest daughter. Anyway, thanks for commenting! :) I'm glad you enjoyed my story so much.

on Feb. 1 2012 at 8:38 pm
M.A.Author BRONZE, Rolla, Missouri
4 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means." -- Inigo Montoya

"...Ideas are bulletproof." -- V

"Adventures make one late for dinner." -- Bilbo Baggins

Love it. It is one of those articles that it a complete treat to read. The only thing I have to say that is not 100% positive is: I was hoping to find out exactly WHY this family has so much security. I like it fine the way it is, I'm just curious.

on Jan. 12 2012 at 9:47 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks so much! :) I'll get right on reading yours.

on Jan. 12 2012 at 6:10 pm
SarasotaWonder BRONZE, Cumberland, Maine
1 article 0 photos 61 comments
Funny, unique, and spunky. I have to say I've loved every single one of your works!

on Jan. 9 2012 at 6:13 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :)

on Jan. 8 2012 at 6:53 pm
holyblondecheerleaderbatman BRONZE, Wasilla, Alaska
1 article 2 photos 42 comments

Favorite Quote:
Who said I want to fit in ?

i really like it....

on Jan. 8 2012 at 6:06 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks very much! I'm glad you liked it. :)

on Jan. 8 2012 at 6:05 pm
sany.lastflame PLATINUM, Frederick, Colorado
33 articles 16 photos 257 comments
Wow! Ok this is seriously one of my favorite pieces of work I've read in a while. It is very humerious, yet true! Love it! I like the way you talk in this. Quirky yet seriousy. Like "Hahahahaha. Be scared. Be very scared." It's relatable too. What a great talent.

on Jan. 8 2012 at 4:54 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

I was going for the short and simple approach. Anyway, thanks for commenting! :)

on Jan. 8 2012 at 4:47 pm
Zinaidia SILVER, Moreno Valley, California
8 articles 3 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
\\\"Whatever you are, be a good one.\\\"

This is so funny, yet it has a little bit of seriousness to it. Very interesting, I have not seen anything like it on this site. Very well written, and I like how you started with him pulling into the driveway, and making it into the house. I believe you cut it off a little quickly. You could have added how he meets you and finally your sister, and what to expect at the next visit and so forth. But maybe you were going for the short and simple approach. Overall, it was great.

on Dec. 31 2011 at 10:21 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thank you!

on Dec. 31 2011 at 11:51 am
IamtheshyStargirl PLATINUM, Lothlorien, Utah
44 articles 16 photos 2217 comments

Favorite Quote:
Boredom instigates extreme creativity.
~Amoniel

"Bowing gratefully to all of my subjects, 'thank you. Thank you. The pleasure is mine." Nah, I'm just kidding. We're all kings together.'"
~Thesilentraven

Heh heh heh :) Very nice!

on Dec. 23 2011 at 7:41 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

Thanks! :) You didn't expect humour from me? That's probably because you read one of my most serious stories first.


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