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A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

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Greetings!


For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.


Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.


As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.


At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.


No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.


But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.




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This article has 232 comments. Post your own!

.Izzy.This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 3:55 pm:
Hahaha! This is so great!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 5:18 pm :
Thank you! :)
 
DarkenRose replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 12:01 pm :
That was really funny lol!:)
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 2, 2011 at 7:01 pm :
Thanks, DarkenRose! :)
 
DarkenRose replied...
Aug. 3, 2011 at 7:11 pm :
No problem:)
 
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SayshThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 1:06 am:
Oh, man, that made me laugh! I loved it, and I honestly don't know why this isn't in the magazine! It's hilarious, but totally realistic! Great work!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 31, 2011 at 1:33 pm :
Thank you!  I'm glad you liked it. :)  I wish they would put this in the magazine.
 
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Ha-5-rika said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 11:02 am:
Interesting and funny.
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 7:10 pm :
Thank you!
 
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redhairCat This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 9:14 pm:
Sounds like something my father would say to my future boyfriends! GREAT job!!!!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 29, 2011 at 9:15 pm :
Thanks so much for commenting! :)
 
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animalluvr4evrThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 9:08 pm:
I don't have a younger sibling, but I could see one of my very protective friends talking like this!  Thanks for the laugh!  I needed it!  Hope you will look at my work and give me feedback!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 9:14 pm :
Thanks for commenting!  I'm glad it made you laugh. :)
 
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gracegirl29This teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 1:22 pm:
Haha, this made me laugh a lot. It also had good imagery and was well written. Good work! :)
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 1:27 pm :
Thank you!  :)
 
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NinjaGirl This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 12:25 am:
Haha! Although I'm not protective of my younger siblings whatsoever, I do have a similar morbid sense of humor. :P Very nice job on this!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 27, 2011 at 12:31 am :
Thanks!  I'm glad you like my dark sense of humour. :)
 
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Alon_Freevoice said...
Jul. 26, 2011 at 8:23 pm:
Glad you're not my sister!!! LOL!!!
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 26, 2011 at 11:25 pm :
Don't you want an overprotective big sister? ;)
 
Alon_Freevoice replied...
Jul. 26, 2011 at 11:46 pm :
I'm just wondering what if my sister does to me what she did (might do) to my BF. LOL XD
 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jul. 26, 2011 at 11:54 pm :
Nah, I wouldn't harm my little sister.  I'd give her a lecture on choosing the right guy, though. :)
 
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