A Letter to my Sister's Future Boyfriend

July 20, 2011
Custom User Avatar
More by this author

For dating my dear little sister, you must be either a very special man or a complete creep who wants to take advantage of her. If you are her first boyfriend, then I suspect it is the latter. All you have to do to disprove my theory is visit our family! If my sister has conned you into deciding to meet us, then you are either very brave or very stupid. Again, I suspect it is the latter.

Anyway, I guess you should know what to expect.

As soon as your vehicle pulls into our driveway, you will be watched. If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear. These are three of the seasonal Filipino workers we employ on our apiary. One of them will be armed with a pellet gun and another will be armed with my dad’s bear hunting rifle. The last one doesn’t need a gun; he’s a bull wrestler. While these three men are dangerous, they aren’t the ones you need to worry about.

At our front door you will be greeted by dad and his double-barrel shotgun. One barrel is filled with rock salt and bacon rind while the other has an actual shell. This is a warning as to what will happen if you break her heart. Still, dad is not the one you should be the most afraid of.

No, the person you should fear most is my mother. She has the aura of a military general and the ruthless streak of a Mafia boss. It is a rare young man that is not intimidated by her. Personally, I don’t think you are one of these rare men.

But if you love my little sister despite her psychotic family, you do indeed deserve her love. If you stick around long enough to marry her, then maybe I can accept you as my brother-in-law. Maybe.

Join the Discussion

This article has 234 comments. Post your own now!

KatariOsborne said...
Nov. 5, 2015 at 8:40 am
I can relate to you in everyway because at my house it’s the same way as stated, “If you are even mildly aware of your surroundings, you will see three short, dark-skinned men in military gear.” My dad gets all his friends over for my sisters’ boyfriend and they drill him like he’s in the military, and like you said if she fools him into coming he’s either a brave or crazy person. I really love your short story because this is my life as well.
abomnibal said...
Nov. 23, 2014 at 12:10 pm
funny, sensative and exactley how any brother sould be :)
kamkit said...
Aug. 6, 2013 at 10:56 pm
This sounds like my family LOL
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2013 at 1:49 am
I think everyone can relate to this on some level. :)
Delmara said...
Jul. 31, 2013 at 3:06 pm
Whoa, do I wish I'd seen this a couple years back. I could've scared the living daylights out of a couple guys who dared to date my sister! This is really good! I absolutely love your descriptions. You should write one of these for a potential girlfriend for a brother. But of course a girl would react differently to this kind of letter. As you said, the mother's the scariest!
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2013 at 1:48 am
A word of advice to all men meeting their girlfriend's family: watch out for the mother.  They are ALWAYS the scariest. ;) Thank you for the suggestion and thanks for the thoughtful comment!
catwithglasses said...
Jul. 24, 2013 at 8:25 pm
This is FANTASTIC!! It is so funny! I loved reading it. Keep writing. 
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2013 at 1:47 am
I'm glad you thought it was funny and enjoyed it so much!  Thanks for commenting. :)
DawnieRae said...
Jul. 19, 2013 at 4:42 pm
This was really good! Keep writing I love the way you write!
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Aug. 19, 2013 at 1:47 am
Thank you! :)
Shaas_It_is.. said...
Jun. 16, 2013 at 9:44 am
Humorous and exactly the way i'd warn my sister's boyfriend.. :) Nice work.. Keep writing.. :)
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:03 pm
Thank you! :)
hippiechild replied...
Jul. 12, 2013 at 7:57 am
I loved this! It's so cute and I can totally relate to being a bit protective over my little sister. Thanks for the the funny and well written story. Your writing has a certain feeling about it that is very unique!
Call_Me_Aria This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 14, 2013 at 11:47 am
Loved it! Perfect description of what a guy has to go through to date a girl in some families. It was humorous and your attention to details made me read it right through to the end (which is rare, because I get bored kind of easily -.-)
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:02 pm
That's great that you enjoyed my piece so much!  Thank you. :)
RunnergirlAlli said...
Jun. 12, 2013 at 11:32 am
I, too, am a big sister. I completely understand where you're coming from here. I LOVE this piece. You are a great writer! Keep up the good work. :)
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:01 pm
Thanks!  It's part of the big-sister job description, isn't it?
lovebass said...
Jun. 2, 2013 at 12:20 pm
That's great! ( Reminds me of what I would say to my little sister's boyfriend!)
CarrieAnn13 replied...
Jun. 16, 2013 at 3:01 pm
Thank you! :)
emmernemmer said...
May 28, 2013 at 3:09 pm
I love this story! I don't have a little sister but I have a little brother and I KNOW I'll have to talk to him someday on not being an idiot with girls/not to take advantage of them. I can just see him running home one day and explaining that he just got chased out of someone's house by a dad with a shotgun. I love my brother but he really needs that to happen to him. Love it!
Site Feedback