June 27, 2011
My head hung low, I felt comfort. In my bedroom, no one could see me and I didn’t need to see their ugly faces. Maybe it was because the curtains were drawn so no light could shine in. Or maybe it was because I never went out in public anymore. Whatever the reason, I was never leaving my room, well besides going to the kitchen or using the bathroom.

I was all alone in the world, my siblings gone (tear) and my parents were in the hospital with serious injuries from a horrible car accident. The house was silent, only me and my thoughts and the remembrance of what I did. The terrible thing I did.

School would be starting and I wouldn’t be there. I haven’t showed my face to other people since the end of June. The rest of my life I will be a hobo and hide behind buildings. Who wants to see my face anyway?

BRING! My cell phone was going off for the first time in a long time. Who would even want to call me? Caller ID read Ally, my brain thought devil. What did she want? Sure she was my best friend but to call three days before school and not anytime before that? Anytime before the accident? I don’t want to deal with her right now; her or anyone.

“Hey, it’s Ally! How’s your summer been? I just got back from Florida and wanted to have a big sleepover with you and all the girls. Call me back! Uh...bye,” Ally said to the answering machine. Her voice was so cheerful, so spunky, so nothing like mine. I’ve changed and she still has her perfect, rich family while I have nothing, I’m not even sure I still have my sanity.

I rolled over on my bed to see an old picture of me and Ally and Rachel on the beach on the last day of school. That was before my life changed, before I dyed my hair black to match my heart, before I bought all dark clothes, even before I started cutting myself. So much can happen over summer vacation, I became a whole different person while my friends stayed the same. Plain Janes.

Though I’ve never been normal or ‘plain’. I know how to fit in but I never will again, ever. My stomach growling, I walked out of my room. The light burned, I walked faster to the kitchen. A bowl of cereal sounded good. As I poured the milk into a bowl, I saw a note addressed to me. How long has it been sitting there? I walked away from my bowl of cereal and grabbed the note.


You probably wonder what this is, but I want to thank you for being an amazing friend and hooking me up with Cara. Only someone like you would do that for me, just to make me happy. Your ‘brother’,

P.S I had a great time with you at the lake on the last day of school, call me whenever you plan on going back. Have a great summer!

Tears flooded my eyes, emotions swirled inside me. Cam. Cam. Cara. Cara. It rushed back, all those memories I forced myself to forget. He liked her while I liked him, I got Cara to go out with him. That’s part of the reason I’m insane, I thought she’d use him and he’d fall in love with me. Unfortunately, she loved him and he loved her, I’m just a friend and nothing more. I. HATE. HIM. FOR. LIKING. HER.

I ran to my room and cried like I have been for the past two months. This was more than anger though, it was heartbreak. Just the fact that Cam and Cara were in love, the fact my siblings are gone, the fact my parents are dying, the fact I’m a horrible person made me depressed and insane. So depressed, I cried and sobbed and swore at God because he ruined my life, my once perfect life.

My grandma called wanting to go back to school shopping with me because my mom was in the hospital, I just let the phone ring. There was no possible way that I’d go out in public, especially with my Grandma. I stayed inside, hiding from the world. I should kill myself, just to make the world a better place. I take up use so much oxygen from my crying that I could kill the whole human race, but that was being too dramatic. I used to be a drama queen, wanting everything to go my way. Bossing people around and using people. I was the person who wanted attention because I never got any at home. It was always Nellie this and David that.

I swear I was the horrible child. My parents always yelled at me and sent me to my room. A warning to fellow teens, don’t say ‘ok’ when your parents are yelling at you, it’s back sass now. Another warning, don’t smile or smirk if you think your parents look like weirdos yelling at you and waving their arms.

My mom hated my guts. I was an ‘accident’. When my mom was twenty-two, she had a boyfriend named Rob (not her present husband). He was an aggressive man who always got what he wanted. One evening, he proposed to my mom, thinking he was in love with her. My mom said no because she met a guy named Tim (not her present husband). Rob was furious and beat up my mom, who was scared to death and decided to marry him. They got married, but only because my mom was afraid to leave him. She thought he’d kill her if she left. On their honeymoon, my mom made it clear that she did not want kids and thought that they should avoid that path. When my mom was sleeping, Rob raped her and in the end, my mom had me.

After being married to Rob for two years, my mom filed for divorce and started dating Tim. She married him within that same year . Tim filed for divorce because he met someone new a year after their wedding. My mom then met Matt (present husband), they got married within two years and had Nellie and David. She’s been happy ever since.

I rolled over to the other side of my bed and went to sleep. Sleeping is always the answer when your alone in the world.

I woke up to the door bell ringing. I wasn’t going to answer it, but then again it could be my mom and step-dad arriving home from the hospital, now that was being hopeful. After putting on a semi clean sweatshirt, I ran to the front door and opened it. My parents were not standing in front of me. Instead, it was a boy with sandy blonde hair and brown eyes. He was wearing a sweatshirt and shorts and sunglasses. It was Cam.

“Cam,” I said, puzzled.

“Hey, Summer,” Cam said, shifting his weight to his toes.



“Why...Why are you here?”

Cam smiled, “I haven’t seen you in a long time and I kinda missed hanging out with you. I heard about the death of Nellie and David, so I came over to comfort you in any way needed.”

“That happened two months ago,” I stated, wondering if I should shut the door in his face.

“I know... I haven’t been around, I’ve been with Cara in Florida for two months. I haven’t been a good friend.”

“I don’t have any friends anymore,” I whispered.

Cam frowned, “What happened? Is everything okay? Most importantly, are you okay?”

I broke down. Finally someone wanted to know if I was okay. Someone cared about me and my feelings. Tears burnt my eyes.

“Summer, are you all right?”

I shook my head, “I’m a horrible person, Cam. Plain horrible.”

Cam hugged me, “Calm down and tell me what happened. It’s going to be okay.”

“It’s a long story,” I sobbed.

“I’ve got time, plenty of time.”

I looked at him, “What about spending all your time with Cara?”

“I just spent two months with her, I think I can leave her be for one day,” Cam joked, breaking our hug. “Now what happened?”

I shut the front door and sat down next to him on the front step. “It started after school ended, after you left my house from bringing me home from the lake.”

“It’s my fault? I’m so-”

“Don’t interrupt me!”


“Like I said, the story begins after you left my house. I’ve never felt loved by my parents. They loved David and Nellie more than me. I was upset with that, I wanted them to love me more than them. I wanted them to buy me everything whenever I wanted. The only way to accomplish that was by getting rid of Nellie and David.

“One weekend I was playing catch with them and a car was driving behind them. The driver wasn’t paying attention because she was texting. It was the perfect time to get rid of them. I acted like there was no car coming and right when the car was super close to Nellie and David, I ran into the garage. I heard the screams and the horn. It made me happy, they were gone or close to it. I peeked around the corner or the garage and saw it. Blood everywhere, they were dead. The driver was screaming and crying when she saw what happened. My parents ran out of the house and screamed. They were heartbroken, to see their two favorite kids dead, it hurt them. Police came and everything was cleaned up. The driver was sent to prison, after trials and what not.

“I was looking forward to being spoiled because I thought my parents wouldn’t want to lose their only child left but I was wrong. They locked themselves in their room and cried. I hated them after that. They were supposed to buy me everything, give me anything, praise me. They did none of that.

“We were driving home from Nellie and David’s funeral when I realized that I wanted my parents to die. I hated them more than I ever had. So, I jumped out of the car into oncoming traffic. My dad swerved to save me from being hit, in the process the oncoming car flipped my parents’ car. I ran far away from the accident, hoping that my parents were dead and I could live alone. My parents suffered serious injuries and are in the hospital barely living.

“The doctors told me that it was a miracle they were still alive but that’s not what I wanted. I wanted them dead.”

Cam starred at me in complete horror.

“I’m a murder, Cam. I killed Nellie and David and tried to kill my parents! My friends never comforted me or called me to see if I was okay! I’ve changed Cam! I’m not the person who was your ‘sister’. I’m a murder who begs for death to come get her. A girl who deserves to die!”

“No one deserves to die, Summer,” Cam murmured.

“I do! I basically killed four people! I cut myself trying to let the blood rush out of me so I can die because of loss of blood. I’m a whole different person.”

Cam frowned but didn’t say anything.

“I’ll tell you something else too. I loved you. I loved you so much that I let you go out with Cara. You didn’t notice that, did you? You didn’t notice how I was always happy to be with you. Or how I was always smiling. You were blind to the fact that I needed you to be with me all the time, to keep me from becoming this...this monster. If you noticed that I loved you, my siblings wouldn’t be dead and my parents would be okay! This is all your fault!” I buried my face in my hands and cried.

“I loved you too, Summer. I thought you didn’t love me so I gave up. You didn’t seem upset about me liking Cara so I tried to get over you and I did. You’ll always be my sister, no matter what. No girl can change what we have. You can talk to me whenever you need to, even if it’s at four a.m. in the morning. I don’t care. I need to know that you’re okay.”
I nodded, “Thanks for listening and stuff but I better go inside and get ready for school and stuff.”
“Yeah, I should go to,” Cam said walking away. He turned around. “I love you, I hope you know that.”
“I do now and I love you too,” I replied.
Cam smiled and walked away.
“Just not in the same way,” I whispered to air, my heart crushed.

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