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Out of Time
Have you ever had the most horrendous case of nausea? But you know that you're not sick, because that just doesn't add up. You're not sick. And you have no other explanation, right? No, there is another idea, but you're defiantly not pregnant.
You're in love.
But, you're sick because you know that you can never have that person. Not because they don't share the same feelings, but because you never told them. Now, call me stupid, but yeah, I never told him. For fifteen years, I never told him. I've always loved him. When I was younger, I would hope that he would share the same feelings for me, but that day never came, and so I never opened my mouth, in fear that our friendship would end and things would become awkward.
Though, sometimes I do wonder what would have happened…
I sat in my living room, across from the man that I love the most in this world; my best friend, Jay Simone. He was dressed in black pants, old beat up converse, and I plain white tee-shirt. For a twenty-five year old, he sure did look a lot younger, with his boyish face and his light brown hair. His sea blue eyes sparkled with the news that he was about to tell me and our other best friends, Jenna, Stan, Haylee, and Josh.
Jenna and Stan where already married. Married at twenty. People said that they where too young to spend the rest of their lives together, but they didn't listen to them. Them being their parents. Their parents totally hated each other. Mostly because Jenna is a short, dark haired, dark eyed, Latina. And Stan is a white boy. A major white boy. Blonde hair, pale skin, and light blue eyes. Tall, and lanky. Their families totally hated each other, but Jenna and Stan where in love. Ever sense they met in the sixth grade, they've been inseparable.
Haylee and Josh where engaged. For seven months, now. They where getting married next Valentines day. Proposed to on her birthday, and getting married on the most romantic day of the year. I would be lying if I said that I didn't envy her. Hell, I would be lying if I said I didn't envy any of them. Anyway, Josh is a tall (every tall) dark skinned, dark haired, light eyed Italian boy from Brookyln. And a professional soccer player as of five years. Haylee is a medium height, short blonde hair, ice blue eyes model. Not a major b**** that has something stuck up her ass model, or one of those ones who never eat. Nah, Haylee was much better than that.
Jay was going out with Mia. Mia Childs. I got them both together in the ninth grade. They've been together ever since. That was my mistake. Mia was pretty. Long, straight dark brown hair. Dark blue eyes and a cream tan to match. She worked for the Crime news paper. She stole my job. But I don't complain. At least, not to her or Jay. Jay loved her; he was happy. She made him happy. But she was also a b****. And I hated her.
I, being the only single one in the group, was a photographer. I loved my job. I was very successful to say the least. I had a couple thousand dollars. Who knew we could all do so much with out lives? My short, dark red hair was pulled up into a messy bun that day, and my dark green eyes where a little sad. But unreadable to Jay. And only to Jay.
Anyway, we where all gathered at my house, in my large living room, on the two large couches. Jay had called us all together. And he has still yet to tell us why. I cocked my head to the side when he opened his mouth. His words where like a knife cutting into my soul.
"I'm going to ask her to marry me." Was all he said. That was all that he needed to say. I kept my composure and yelled at my eyes to keep from spilling tears out. I felt Haylee grow tense beside me, and I heard Stan suck in a breath on the other side of me. I swallowed the large lump forming in my throat. I forced myself to smile, even though on the inside I wanted to jump out my balcony window and fall to my death. Though, I didn't think I would die because that window is directly above a very deep pool.
"Um—Jay, we're so happy for you." I said, straining to keep my voice from cracking.
"Oh, yeah! Of course we are." Jenna agreed, her voice obviously masked in happiness. Everyone else nodded in agreement.
"Really? You are? Oh, that's great! I'm going to do it tonight, and I want you guys to be there." Jay said, his face lighting up with excitement. I felt my soul dying more and more.
"Oh—um… No, we don't—"
"Shut up, Josh. You guys are my best friends, and I want you to be there. I'm doing it tonight at dinner at the Moshe, seven-thirty. Be there, or I'll kill you all." Jay laughed, gave us a wave, and then quickly left my condo skipping. Once I was sure he was out the door, I flung myself onto the floor and started to scream into the carpet.
"I have no time left… It's over. It's all over." I mumbled into the carpet, but I'm sure that they all understood me, anyway.
"You should have told him…" I heard Haylee trailed off. I sat up and glared at her through my tears.
"You think that would have made a difference?" I asked. She shrugged.
"You never know, Destrey. It could have made all the difference in the world." Stan said, getting up from the couch. I stood up as well.
"So this is my fault, then?" I hissed.
His eyes grew wide. "I never said that it was your fault. I even tried to help you get over him when you asked me too because you felt so helpless."
"Obviously it didn't work." I muttered, flailing my arms in the air. I sighed and crossed my arms over my chest. I could feel my heart breaking into even more pieces than when Jay had first told me that he loved her. I didn't think that I had enough heart to break after that. I was wrong.
So, so wrong.
"What are you going to do?" Jenna asked, looking at me sadly.
I shrugged, looking them all dead in the eyes. "I'm going to support him. She makes him happy, though I don't see how, and if she makes him happy, then I'm happy. All I want is for him to be happy. And it's not going to be with me." I whispered, trying to not let more tears fall from my eyes.
It didn't work.
More tears fell, and I got a hug from each one of my friends.
"You really do love him. That makes you a strong person." Josh said.
"Well, sometimes I feel like the weakest." I replied coldly. I think all my emotion just dropped out of the window I wish that I could drop from.
This was going to be a night from hell.
We all met up outside the Moshe at seven-twenty-five. Jenna and Haylee gave me a hug and the guys both gave me looks. Looks that read 'good luck, you're going to need it'. I returned their looks with one that read 'f*** you'. Oh well, so what if it was mean, it made them smirk and laugh.
From the windows of the high-class restaurant, I saw Jay and Mia both sitting side by side at a long ass table. A table for all of us. Like we used to sit in the good 'ol days. Those days…I didn't regret anything.
I sighed, straightening my shoulders, and then led everyone into the Moshe. Jay spotted us and waved us over. We all sat down, chatted for a bit, and then ordered our food. When dessert came, we all held our breaths. It was obvious that he was going to do it now. And it was obvious that she was going to say yes. She would have to be a fool to say no. Then again, she was a b****…so I don't know.
Jay got up from the table, got down on one knee, and then pulled out a black velvet box. I eyed Mia. She didn't show any emotion. No excitement. No joy. No happiness. Nothing.
I gulped and sucked in a breath as Jay opened the box to reveal and very shiny, very big, very expensive gold band diamond ring.
"Mia Childs, I love you so much. And I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Will you marry me?" The question was left hanging in the air. Everyone was silent. And I do mean everyone. The people at other tables had stopped eating in mid-air and where eavesdropping. Waiting for an answer. Waiting for a 'yes'.
But a yes never came.
Instead, Mia got up from the table and stood in front of him. She pulled him up from his knees and stared at him. "Jay, I don't want to marry you." He didn't reply. "I was going to tell you sooner, before this could happen. I met someone when you where away at an art convention. I don't want to be with you anymore." She said. She didn't even show an inch of remorse or guilt in her face. Jay was as silent as ever. The people around us gasped. Jenna and Haylee had to hold my arms down under the table so that I didn't jump up and go crazy.
And oh, I was unstable right now.
Jay shut the box and put it on the table. "You wait till now to tell me?" His voice was broken. Broken and lifeless. Cold even.
Mia nodded. "I was going to tell you sooner, but I never found the ti—"
"Mia, just leave. Go home, pack your things. Get out of my life." He hissed under his breath. She didn't object. She didn't even stay and explain herself some more. She just nodded, waved at us, and then left the restaurant.
And just like that, I watched the man I love get his heart broken, too.
I moved my sad eyes up at Jay. He looked like he had just fallen to his death. He turned to us and gave us all a half smile, but his eyes stayed on me the whole time. "I guess it's my turn to know what a broken heart feels like." He muttered. I sucked in a sharp breath. Did he know? No, that wasn't possible. Jay was smart, but he was also clueless to what was right in front of his eyes.
"Jay, she didn't—"
"No, she did. In all truth, I had suspected it for a while. I thought that maybe, maybe if I proposed to her, then she would leave the other guy and be happy with me. I guess I was asking for too much." He said, sighed, slumped his shoulders, and then turned away from us. "You guys enjoy the rest of dessert. I need to go somewhere." He started to head for the door.
"I need to be alone." He cut Josh off for the second time and then walked out before any of us could say anything more. I leaned back in my seat, watching him from the window. He turned back to us, and stared at me. He half smirked and then got into a waiting cab. I blew out a deep breath.
"Destrey, you have to go after him." Haylee said, pushing me out of my seat a little. I swayed back, shaking my head.
"He said that he wants to be alone." I mumbled. She gave me a 'you have got to be kidding me' look. I raised my eyebrows.
"Des, do you have any idea how bad he's hurting right now?" She asked.
I did. "Yes." I nodded.
"Alright, then you have to go to him. Tell him."
My eyes grew wide. "No. I can't. I can't tell him."
"Destrey Madeline Hanson! You go after the man you love right now, and you f***ing tell him!" Jenna snapped, slapping me on my exposed shoulder. I jumped a little, my eyes growing wide. I had never seen her so…determined I guess you would call it, since the ninth grade, when she helped me get Haylee and Josh together. I sighed, giving up. I really didn't have any other choice.
I nodded, standing up and pulling up my low-cut V shirt. I wasn't exactly "dressed up" for a fancy restaurant; wearing a nice, black silk V shirt, black dress pants and some silver black flats. Okay, so I guess this would be called "dressed up" but I could have looked a lot nicer… Just saying.
"Do you know where he went?" Stan called after me as I walked to the door.
"I have a feeling." I called back. I exited the large, fancy building and waved down a cab. If my feeling was right, then Jay really is that obvious.
I walked the old beaten up path of the old, dead forest. Back when we where in middle and high school, we all used to come here to get away from our crazy parents, and our crazy lives to just relax. We found an old tree house in the very back of the woods when we where in the eighth grade, away from all society. We fixed it, practically rebuilt it, and claimed it as ours.
Because it was ours.
But when we graduated high school, on our graduation day, we boarded it up so that no one else could get it. It was our place, and we didn't want to share it with anyone. We never came back after that. I was hoping that it didn't break and fall to the ground.
I stared up at it in awe. It was still in once piece, only with little pieces of wood missing here and there. The windows still had the glass in them, and the steps going up the tree where still in tact. It amazed me. I took a deep breath, hoping that Jay really was up there. I walked over to the steps and started to climb. A few steps up, I saw that the door that we boarded up had been unhinged.
I was right; he really was that obvious. I pushed open the door and pulled myself through. Standing up and brushing myself off, I spotted Jay in the corner of the fairly large space. His legs where up, resting his elbows on his knees, tear tracks had stained his face. His face was so sad. I was so used to seeing his smiling and bright face. That seemed like a thousand miles away, right now.
I went over and plopped down beside him, mocking his pose. He looked over at me slowly. I smiled. "Hey," I whispered, though I don't really know why I was whispering. He kept staring at me.
"What are you doing here?" He asked, his voice almost gone.
I shrugged. "I just thought that you didn't want to be alone."
"But I said that I did want to be alone."
"You where lying." I pointed out. He didn't say anything back; instead he turned away from me again and looked up at the ceiling. I looked up with him, trying to think of something to say. Then a thought popped into my head. I laughed softly. "You remember that time when Stan got so drunk that he fell right through the floor because he was stomping around so hard? We told him to stop, but he wouldn't listen to us." I got him smiling. He laughed with me.
"And he fell right to the ground, and Jenna was in hysterics, but he was totally fine." He finished the memory.
"Yeah, she was so scared. But we all couldn't keep from laughing."
"We had a lot of good memories here." He said.
"…And some bad." I added. "The time when we found Haylee up here right after her dad left her and her mom. She was about to lose it, but we got her just in time." I thumped my head again the wall.
"You got her just in time." Jay pointed out. I shrugged. "And when James slapped you..."
I felt my eye twitch some. James was my ex. Well, more like a mistake. We dated in the eleventh grade, and he was abusive. Stan, Josh, and Jay all beat his ass. Literally. And Jenna and Haylee helped. He came to school the next day with a broke nose and bruises everywhere. He never looked at me after that. Never touched me, either.
We where silent for a couple minutes. Both looking for something to say. I sighed, finally deciding that I should just get it over with now.
"She was stupid." I blurted. He looked over at me.
"What?" He asked.
"What she did to you, she was stupid. Crazy."
"I don't think so."
"Oh, come on, Jay. Any girl would be lucky to be with you. She doesn't know what she gave up. You're an amazing guy."
He continued to stare at me. Damn it, I was getting so close to exposing myself. Might as well just do it.
"Why do you always say that?" He asked. This caught me off guard.
"That I'm an amazing guy. That any girl would be lucky to be with me."
I gulped. "I—I don't know."
"Well, I think you're wrong. Obviously there's something wrong with me for her to go and cheat on me and then leave me hanging after I asked her to marry me." That was it. I jumped up and spun around to face him. I was mad. Beyond mad. And I didn't exactly know why.
"Don't say that!" I threw my arms in the air. "I mean it, any girl would be lucky to have you. You're smart, you're funny, you know how to make people feel better when they're down, and you like to make people happy, even when you're not—" I was about to say it. Might as well; I mean, what's the worse it could do. "I love you!" I screamed, shutting my eyes tightly. I didn't want to look at his expression. I clenched my fists together tightly and turned away from him. I felt tears stinging my eyes, begging to come out, but I didn't let them.
Everything was silent for a few minutes, and then Jay spoke. "But…but… You helped me…get together with… Mia and…other girls…" He was struggling with words, I could tell. I let out a long sigh and then turned back around to him, opening my eyes, tears flowing out.
"That's because, Jay, I knew that you didn't love me the way that I love you. You liked other girls, so I was going to help you get them. Because, they made you happy. And I was happy because you where happy. That was enough for me. But Jay, Mia was horrible. What she did to you… I only wonder what it would have been like if I told you about my feelings towards you a long time ago… I wonder what would have happened then. But, I guess I'm out of time for that, huh?" I whispered. I looked down at him; he looked like he was in shock. I smiled warmly at him. I knew that he didn't share the same feelings for me, still. I started to climb down the ladder, but his voice stopped me.
"You're never out of time, Destrey."