Read this if I die

By , Carmel, IN
There is something utterly romantic about the rain… a few months ago I would have agreed. Nothing is the same now.

Walking to school on your first day in a new town, heck in a new state, with your dorky little brother and nerdy neighbor doesn’t usually lend itself to the path of popularity. I guess I didn’t think about that when I got up in the morning. I can barely remember walking into first period before I was tripped. Yes, I was already labeled newbie dork. To make matters worse I was wearing my shortest skirt, in an attempt to look unlike the nerd I usually was. Therefore, I bet every perv within a 10-foot radius was looking up it. I could feel my cheeks heating up as I staggered to get up. The dork walked over and helped me up. I suspected he had tripped me to look cool in front of his “friends”. I mean you’re a freshman boy with a football in your hand and you’re already popular. I could never understand that boy, or this new town for that matter.
Everyone was so stereotypical like I swear the emo kid in the corner was cutting himself and the cheerleader crying in the bathroom this morning was pregnant. Also that my nerdy neighbor used to be best friends with her until middle school. If I was going to survive here, I was going to need a strategy, something to look forward to, to get me through this hell. So I brushed my honey red wispy bangs back and sat down trying to regain some of my pride. All through class, I tried to pay attention to whatever the teacher was explaining. I’m pretty sure it was the classroom rules or something. It was hard though when I could feel everyone’s eyes on me. The person sitting next to me seemed to be more preoccupied in their nails than me I saw with relief.
When the bell rang, I was the first one out the door. Everyone stared after me as I ran to the bathroom. When I was safely inside a stall, I began to cry. First, a trickle of tears, then fat alligator kind you use when you’re five on your parents. I heard the door open and I immediately stopped. The last thing I needed was someone to make fun of me. I wiped my eyes saw with horror that my painstakingly perfect mascara was running. I cursed under my breath. “Is someone in there, do you need the nurse…or a pregnancy test?” said a female voice. I laughed because it was the exact same thing I would have said. “Nno I’m fine,” I said opening the stall door. The girl had dark brown shoulder length hair with tons of layers. She was biting a black chipped fingernail. She ran her fingers through her choppy black hair extensions. She wore a black and purple mesh tank top over a black long sleeve. They were paired with black ripped jean shorts and black chuck Taylors. She was a total stoner. Then I relented, I shouldn’t be so soon to judge, I mean I was new here and had ZERO friends. She walked over pulling a makeup wipe out of her bag. “Here you need it, you look like s***,” she said unfeelingly. “Um thanks,” I said awkwardly walking over to the fogged mirrors to clean up my face. I saw in the mirror not just my smudged eye makeup but a fresh crop of stress zits on my forehead. That’s hot, I thought to myself shaking my head. “Do you have any cover-up I could borrow?” I asked looking over at the girl was she was reapplying her jet-black eyeliner. She looked at me through the mirror and motioned toward the bag. I went over and set it on the counter. It felt awkward going through someone’s stuff. Only after her eyes nearly resembled raccoons did she put the eyeliner back. I was still rummaging through the bag when the bell rang. I flinched and she stared at me. “Ever cut class before?” she asked pulling the cover-up out of a side pocket of the grey canvas bag. She also grabbed a tube of dark red lip-gloss. I eyed her in a way that said um of course not. She laughed and handed me the tube. I tested it on my arm and luckily, it was my shade. After applying it mercilessly until you could barely see the bumps. I reapplied Chap Stick from the pocket and turned back to thank the girl. “The names Lisa by the way, and you wanna sit with me at lunch, you kinda look like you need a friend,” she said in I’m trying to be nice but don’t push me way. I smiled my mega-watt smile and said sure. She just smirked.
We walked out of the bathroom and I began to walk into my second period class, science when she stopped me with “Where the hell do you think you’re going?” I turned around and said class like it was the most normal thing in the world. She eyed me like I was squirrel bait. “You can’t seriously think you can just walk into class now right? That’s old man Bates class, he’ll kill you for being late,” she said. I just stood there so she took my hand saying “You’ve got a lot to learn newbie,” and we walked out of the science hall. We walked straight past the principal’s office when she stopped and walked back. I heard feet clicking against the door in the office. She brought a boy back with his ear pierced. At first, I thought it was gross but then focused more on him. He was about 5 inches taller than me with shaggy light brown kind of golden hair. He wore a white v-neck tee shirt under a black hoodie and basketball shorts.
He looked just like Lisa so I shouldn’t have been surprised when she said, “Meet my little dork of a brother Liam,” I mouthed hi before she began to speak again. “Liam this is… oh crap”. He just laughed, his laugh was lower than I expected, I had thought he would have a pre-pubescent sound but his was almost completely controlled, smooth and kind. “You forgot to ask for her name sis, wow I thought there was nothing stupider you could do besides that thing last summer—“she cut him off with a “Shut up, don’t bring that up again, and I did ask for her name I just forgot” she lied. I decided to back her up saying “Yeah my names Roxie Rose Hart” they both eyed me and I quickly said “Yeah I know weird right, like the musical Chicago”. Liam snorted a laugh. “No it’s like cool I really like it, honest,” she said earnestly. She elbowed Liam in the rib and he staggered back. “Be nice to your sister who just busted you out of detention,” she said with a smirk. I looked past him into the office, the doorjamb had been locked but Lisa must have used something to open it because the lock jam was completely ripped off. I imagined her pulling out a switchblade and my breath caught in my throat. She just laughed and pulled out a screwdriver from her Swiss army knife kit. Liam rolled his eyes and said “You sure make weird friends Lis, and plus she’s like scared of you, which might I add is quite hilarious. I think she thinks your gonna cut her or something” he said. Lisa rolled her eyes and pushed him into the hallway. Only when they were outside on the patio lunch tabled and they were lounging on the walls did they speak again. “So what did you get busted for this time loser?” she asked looking amused. He made a face at her and then began to speak. “Some kid dared me to pull the fire alarm, I would have gotten away with it if it wasn’t for Old Man Bates, that creep is always lurking around” he said spitting on the ground. Lisa punched him and said gross. He continued his story. “Then then old Batesy gets all high and mighty about how I’m the reason society is failing and all that crap, so I tell him to—“ Lisa eyed him and he said “bug off” but I was pretty sure they didn’t want to offend me. I smiled then grimaced thinking they must think I was a total prude. I needed to prove them wrong if they were ever going to want to hang out with me again. The bell rang for third period and kids scurried past with loud voices rising to yells as they ran into the building to escape the sudden rain. “Well that’s my cue to go, I’ve got bio with Bates” said Liam running into the science wing. I pulled my schedule out of my bag and saw I had a free period. I turned to Lisa but she was already walking away. “Hey stop” I said when I caught up to her. She looked at me putting her hands on her hips. “I’ve got a free period next; do you ya know, want to hangout or something?” I asked sheepishly. I was trying too hard I thought. However, her face lit up and she said sure. We walked over to the vending machines and she punched the side of it, and then inserted her coins. It popped out a beat up looking coke can. I stared at her and she said, “The things s***; no one uses it anymore since we got a latte bar in the café,” I blinked and said “latte bar?” quizzically. She just rolled her deep blue eyes at me.
After she showed me around the school, the bell rang for lunch. She walked over to a nearly filled lunch line and grabbed a blue plastic beat up tray. I began to fill my tray with the various ingredients for salad and she stared at me. I looked at her but kept filling my plate. She had chosen a thick juicy burger with fries. I looked around and saw most kids had gotten the same. Except for the blonds in the cheerleading uniforms across the café. I rolled my eyes at the cliché and grabbed water. At the same time, another hand reached for it taking it out of my reach. I looked up at a pair of deep green eyes. I am pretty sure I swooned a little as a pair of hands placed the bottle in mine. Then they were gone. Lisa coughed, not wanting to be ignored and pushed me forward. “You know who that was right?” she asked when we sat at a table. I was pretty sure that it wasn’t anyone in my league so I just sat quietly. Just then, a boy and girl sat down at our table apparently in a heated discussion. “No I heard it was her sister, and when she found out she broke up with him,” said the girl running her hand down her extremely curly blond hair. The boy rolled his green eyes and said, “Of course that’s what you heard, you hear everything from your mom,” sitting next to Lisa. The girl punched him in the arm and sat next to me. “Where’s Ryan?” Lisa asked taking a bite out of her fry she had drenched in ketchup. “He’s sick today,” she said emphasizing the word sick making me think he was just ditching. Finally noticing me, they both looked at me with curiosity. “Guys, this is Roxie, she’s a newbie here,” Lisa said biting her burger. The guy stuck out his hand and said, “Welcome to Hell, population everyone,” I hoped he was joking. The girl rolled her eyes and said Hey before turning to Lisa. She had a pouting look on her face and her lips looked 10 times bigger. Lisa rolled her eyes and said, “Say you’re sorry Zander or we will have to see her pout all day,” He eyed her and kept eating. I just stood there like an idiot eating my salad. The boy finally spoke and said, “So where are you from Winnie?” I nearly choked on my salad trying to answer. The girl snorted drinking her coke. The guy glared at her and turned back to me. “I’m originally from Ireland but we moved to Michigan when I was ten,” I said wiping my mouth. “Is your name really Zander?” I asked and felt my face blush when the blond started laughing. “No actually it’s Alexander but Lisa and Kae think Zander is cooler, personally I despise it,” he said. Therefore, the b****y girls name was Kae, I thought taking another bite of my salad.
Just then a girl from another table walked or should I say bounced over. Her long blond ponytail swished as she walked. Kae rolled her eyes and muttered something. “Hi guys,” she said in an overly perky voice. I met her eye contact, her eyes were a crystal blue and her nose was kind of pug scrunched like. She was adorable to say the least. “Who’s this?” she asked pointing at me. “I’m Roxie,” I said. Her face lit up and she said, “Well Roxie I’m Amberlyn and on behalf of the Spirit Squad we would like to invite you to a closed tryout,” she said and I noticed she emphasized the word closed. I got the point it wasn’t an invitation to Kae or Lisa. I saw Lisa bite the inside of her cheek and Alexander’s knuckles whiten. “Thanks I’ll think about it,” I said. She smiled again and bounced away.
Kae nearly spit her coke in my face when she spoke. “What the hell, didn’t Lisa explain we hate them?” she asked giving me a death glare. “What’s so bad about going to a tryout?” I asked glaring right back. Alexander stepped in to end our glare match. “Let’s just say, you don’t want to get mixed up with them, its good they like you, well are interested in you but don’t get used to it,” he said. Lisa finally spoke up. “She can do whatever the hell she wants guys, it’s not our problem,” before getting up and dumping her tray. Kae followed throwing one glare over her shoulder and sauntered off. I sat there dumbfounded. Alexander laughed and patted my shoulder. “Sorry they were so rude to you, Kae is kind of a b**** when you first meet her but she’s a really great person, and they just really don’t like those girls on the Spirit Squad,” he said sliding out of his chair. I ran my hand through my loosely curly hair and sighed, today was not going well. “Yeah I bet,” I said. He noticed my hesitation and smiled warmly. “What’s your next class, since Lis left you I bet you don’t know your way around yet,” he said. I pulled my schedule out and said “AP World History with Lutze”. He checked his schedule and said “same” and we walked off. When we were walking, he pointed out things like shortcuts and places to avoid. When we reached the class, he went and sat at a desk near the front while I took one by the window. I stared out the big windows at gardeners trimming the side gardens. This really was a nice school and if you were just a passerby, you would think that snobby rich kids spent all their time here. Well now, I was one of those kids. I popped out my ear buds when the teacher began to lecture on the importance of knowing our history. The song that began to play was “Waltz of the Flowers” by Tchaikovsky. It made me long for my ballet shoes and the comfort of my ballet studio back home. I truly only felt at peace when I was dancing. A hand tapped me on the shoulder and I flinched. “Ahem young lady do you think it’s fun for me to sit in front of you and lecture about the importance of history, do you think it’s fun to have half the class ignore you?” a shrilly voice barked in my ear. A couple of kids snickered and I glared at them. The teacher held her hands out and I got a good look at her. She was a petite blond in her early 30’s to late 20’s. Her arms were crossed and he glared at me. I handed her my ipod and sat back sullenly. Usually teachers loved me, I gave them no reason to dislike me, and I was a quiet student and good very good grades. I bit my lip and stared at my desk, cheeks burning. After class was over I walked over to the teacher’s desk making a pretense to apologize but she just waved me out of the room. I met Alexander outside the room and he was fighting back a smile. “What is it?” I asked opening my locker. “You really pissed her off,” he said cocking his head to the door. I rolled my eyes and closed the locker with a bang. A picture slipped from the bottom of the locker to the floor. I had turned as Alexander picked it up. He smiled and tucked it away in his folder trying to catch up to me. For the first time I noticed the major height difference between us. He was tall and muscular but not in a body-builder way while I was short and lean.

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