I'm Sorry

June 18, 2011
Sorry. I thought you loved me. But I guess I was wrong. My bad.
I thought I knew you. I thought that I could trust you. I thought that you trusted me too. But sorry. I didn’t realize that when you said “I’m here for you,” you didn’t really mean you were going to always be there.
Look. I get it now. You aren’t what I thought you were. I thought you were my friend. I thought you were something more, actually. I was even so ignorant to think that the feeling was mutual! Wow, are my eyes opened.

Don’t worry. I’m not going to bother you anymore. You’re not even going to know I exist. Not that you ever did. So I guess it won’t matter. But at least my life will be easier. No more guessing at what you mean, no more walking on eggshells, no more of any of that.

Do you even know me? Do you know who I really am? You think I’m just a girl, who got dealt a rough hand, don’t you? Isn’t that what everyone else thinks anyway? I thought you might have been able to see the real me. I sure as hell see the real you. And trust me, it isn’t as good as everyone else thinks.

I can remember the exact point at which I fell in love with you. I bet you don’t. You don’t remember anything important at all. Let me refresh your memory a little bit. I fell in love with you when you told me that whenever I needed someone, you would be there for me.

The first time I took you up on that offer, you were actually there. Remember? I was terrified because of another of the crazy things that my father did, this time getting himself in legal trouble. You actually talked to me. It felt good just to tell you everything that had been bottled up inside me for so long. You were one of the only people I trusted enough to talk about that. Did you ever think of that?

Let me tell you something. I’m not as transparent as you think. You think you can read me like a book. What you read is my decoy. What you can’t see is what I really am. When you actually learn how to read people correctly, maybe you can read that story for a change instead of the one that I let everybody see. Then you can really tell what I’m thinking and how I feel.

I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I didn’t realize sooner that you weren’t who I though you were. I’m sorry for wasting so much of yours and my time by staying hung up on you. But most of all, I’m sorry for loving you.

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