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A Selfless Notion
I chose to write about you because I know you exist. Even Solipsists believe in you. I know you well and because of this I can describe you finely. If I get stuck, I can always ask a question. Let’s discuss an adventure story, I’m sure it’s familiar.
During the summer you had a lot of time. A lot of it was spent moving a three dimensional figure across a map using a series of buttons and analogs. Many others also began to partake in this activity. It got to the point where even ones who originally took solace in it decided to switch hobbies due to anti-social reasons. One day your three dimensional model had disappeared too many times on the map you wanted to keep it on, so you decided to take a break.
A break is naturally used to describe relief from stress or work. Notice even the things you call fun simply become second jobs when they don’t go your way. Let me describe a time when you believed things would go your way.
On a Saturday your phone made a noise it often did. However each time you heard it a small jolt sparked in your chest and then trickled upward into your neck. Let this be an example of your simple amusement. You received a text from a girl you had already wished happy birthday to. A birthday is a great time to make a move, especially when her boyfriend drops the ball. Your affection is quite valiant.
Because stories are better told with a lack of vowels and unnecessary exclamation points she explained to you a story over text instead of calling. This didn’t matter to you. She said that her boyfriend had upset her on her birthday. Through the day occurred a series of formalities between them known as arguments. In modern society arguments occur because it is always fun to tell friends that your significant other is incompetent. During this ritual of offensive terminology her more-than-friend opened the door to the outside world letting her birthday balloon float freely into the sky.
Normally you would say things dealing with emotions and how you feel them. You would say you are sorry about her sack of helium flying away. However today was an opportunity to show her your superiority. With selfless affection you told her she would have a balloon by the end of the day.
When you received a message back you could tell she was happy because she sent you a smiling face instead of her own due to distance issues. Even by that point you felt like you had won the game. Just to be sure you had, you wanted to go an extra length.
The sun was shining but the earth ignored it. On the ground was snow that had piled up the previous morning. By now the mud had gotten to it and the heat was making slow progress on melting through. You put on a hood and scarf so that the trip wouldn’t truly be selfless.
Halfway there you realized that your nose had turned a reddish color, like a turnip. It was a fairly long walk wasn’t it? I’d say it was two miles in the least. The weather made it seem longer.
By the time you had got to the store you were simply glad to enter. The heat thawed you evenly and now it was time to buy a balloon. There were several helium bags in the shape of copyrighted characters. You did not want to choose one she couldn’t relate to so you picked a balloon that displayed a universal appeal. It said Happy Birthday in a paradigm of primary colors. It was sixteen dollars which was very unappealing. To meet that demand a twenty would have to be broken and slimy clinking change would have to be given out.
You decided to call this an investment. Surely an impression is worth sixteen dollars. In the end you would be justified and receive your pawned object once again. You exchanged paper for plastic and had someone drive you back to your house.
Upon entering the cold slowly drifted off your skin. There was one final thing to be done. People like feeling as if effort was put in to please them. There is a strong correlation between personal satisfaction and other’s stress. On the counter was a piece of paper, why not make a card? It would show your love for illusions. The least work done for the largest gain is key.
The card was finished. I don’t remember how well you colored it. I don’t remember if you read it over. I don’t remember how well it was written. I don’t remember because it wouldn’t have mattered. The fact that you wrote a card deceived her into believing that she was worth your time. If this law was true, she was worth fifteen minutes to you. It wouldn’t have mattered if the card was terrible, your trick was well played.
Again you put on a coat and grabbed a paper clip. The snow started coming down again. There you were, walking like a mirage under the frozen rain. You romanticized your intentions. You glimmered inside, the same place people feel pride. For a minute you believed you were good, that your actions were selfless. It was as if you were the hero for once. It looked like for once good would win.
The ironic thing is that you weren’t any good. You rationalized yourself. By taking common point of view you made yourself just.
Finally you made it to her home. Parents don’t like seeing boys on their front porches, much less ones looking for their daughters. A hint of sophomoric planning hit you.
On the porch the balloon was set. You placed a clip over the string of the balloon to hold the card. With one foot off the steps you pressed the bell, and ran. You heard it too, but they saw just as much as you did. Through the sleet you plowed, and the rain pelted your coat. If I could choose one moment of innocence it would be this. The moment you were running away from your false love, without even caring. You weren’t thinking about why you were running, you just were. You ran far away so that they wouldn’t find you.
Now that you were away I didn’t want you to rationalize. I didn’t want you to care. I don’t want you to give yourself a crown or make the balloon symbolize a thing. I wanted you to tell the story without a primer. The sad thing is even in telling, and understanding your flaws, you take pride. Maybe this is a paradox you can’t escape, and I’m just here wondering why you care about that day so much.