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Broken

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I don’t know how long these tears would last.
If they held any weight
If they were worth anything.
If they would ever stop.

The hollowness I had felt for over a year now gnawed at my heart with its icy cold fangs till my heart finally decided to turn equally frosty and bitter. At least that’s what I thought it had turned into. But truth was, it was just armour I had built. A worn out one now. And I could feel the pain seep right back into my heart. I had sworn to always listen to my heart. But after it was broken into narrow fragments , my last resort was my head . My logical thinking. And with a cold broken heart , I sang along to a familiar song-
“You say , You’re not gonna fight
‘Cause no one will fight for you
And, You think
There’s not enough love
And no one to give it to
And, You’re sure
You’ve hurt for so long
You’ve got nothing left to lose
So, You say
You’re not gonna fight
‘Cause no one will fight for you
You say, The weight of the world
Has kept you from letting go
And , You think
Compassion’s a flaw
And you’ll never let it show
And , You’re sure
You’ve hurt in a way
That no one will ever know….”
I’m a robot girl , mechanical , emotionless, immune to pain. Or that’s what everybody assumes . But as a matter of fact, I’m none of the above . I was a happy , smiling girl , with the strength to face the worst adversities with a poker face. But a black wind took me from my land of glee to a dissatisfied , suffocating place , where a heartless wind kept blowing, telling me to stiffen up. And that love was for fools . I tried ever so hard to believe it . I even had myself convinced with the façade I had on. But that was a pathetic fallacy, a fruitless attempt . And the sick realization of the reality is what got the panic rushing and adrenaline pumping . I was nobody to preach about the immaturity of love and how it hurts way too much to even try . In what somebody once told me . Love hurts , but sometimes , it’s a good hurt. And that’s when I stood up from the wake of devastation and moved away from the edge of the unknown. But by now I was so torn between love , and its absence. I was in a dilemma . I built up hope , but failure was all I knew . I was no longer speaking from what my heart felt , or what my mind said. I was speaking from the space in between . From the sadness , frustration and pain that ran in my blood now. I told myself I could go back to being ME. Back to wishing on eyelashes , the first star of the night etc etc. But no matter how hard I tried to stand up , I was pushed down . And when I tried to listen to my head , I was criticised . I was stuck in between with no way out . My spirit was breaking , growing desperate for a way out. I looked down at my heart , it wasn’t there. I tried to think . Nothing there either . They had been ripped out from inside me , leaving a void. They left me with pain and darkness. And then I had no options . And so , alone , I cried. But nobody would feel the full weight of theses tears. Not unless they felt this pain themselves. Now all I could do was sit, waiting for the end to come ,
wishing I had strength to stand. This is not what I had planned , it's out of my control





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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

smriti said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 7:41 am
beautiful article.....can relate to the emotions as they r so amazingly put in ink.....
 
angel said...
Oct. 20, 2011 at 2:06 am
excellent article shows the beauty of the loss 
 
Kat4ever333 said...
Jun. 23, 2011 at 6:45 pm
i really like it, and i also like your song lyrics never underestmate a girl
 
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