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I have always felt this way. Alone… In a dark, dark, world. No one to lean on… No more hope for life but im still living. I still have a few things I can depend on to get through this world. Writing, painting, drawing, and listening to music. But still that’s not enough. It never has been. I have always wished for that one special boy too come along. The one who actually loves me and cares that im alive. Because right now it seems as no one cares that im even here. Im just nothing special.
Finally the last bell for the day. I grab my bags and run out of the class room tears threatening to fall. Why me I thought. Out of all the people in the world this is happening to me?! Why? One tears fall to the ground and I run to the bus. Assholes! That’s all they are! I have to remember that! Don’t let his words burn a hole in your chest! You have to keep living! By the time I got on the bus the tears kept coming. He words stung bad. They felt like a sudden knife to the chest. Like any other day no one sits next to me on the bus. I start to cry silently while looking out the window. Why in the world would any one want to kiss you or date you?! You’re ugly! Those exact words kept ringing in my ears. I close my eyes to keep another wave of tears from coming. If those words are said again I swear ill will die. It makes me feel as if no one was meant for me. There has to be somebody. But I know there’s not. I let out a heavy sigh and wipe the last tear away from my face. Those words are said to me everyday. If they keep saying that then it has to be true. The tears start to return. Then I hear the pure crystal clear voice “What’s wrong?”
I turned and look at the extremely-hot-and-cute-at-the-same-exact-time guy that was sitting next to me. I let out a breath that I didn’t know I was holding. Why in the hell did he want to know if I was ok? Im a nobody and by his looks… he was a somebody. I didn’t know what to say. I was speechless. He was perfect. Everything about him was. Puppy dog brown eyes and black shaggy hair with very broad shoulders. Everything I could possibly to dream of in a guy. I just stared at him not knowing what to say.
“Are you ok?” he asked again. I blushed and quickly looked away.
“It’s nothing….. Just forget it.”, I stared out the window the tears threatening to return. God hold it together don’t cry, DON’T CRY! I screamed on the inside.
He moved closer to me to where our legs touched “ok I know there is something wrong. You can tell me. I won’t tell anyone.”
I felt the blood rush up to my to my face “I really don’t want to tell you. You will be part of the problem soon.” I knew these words better than anything else that I have ever spoken from my lips. Because I felt the truth in them. If he wasn’t part of the problem now he would be within the next week or two. I turned away and felt the tears come rushing out but refused to make a noise.
He gently wrapped his arms around me in a warm feeling hug. “There is something bothering you and I know it.”, he pulled away and I wish he had not. He still sat next to looking at me. I looked at him with tear filled eyes. In his eyes I saw worry. Why did he hug me? I don’t even know him! I wanted to hug him and slap him at the same time. I wanted to call him a jackass and tell him thanks at the same time.
He blushed a little and said, “Im sorry if I invaded your personal space but you looked like you needed a hug” Now it was my turn to blush. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. The tone of his voice was soft and caring. My eyes met his for a minute. I held his gaze for what seemed like forever but was only five seconds. The seat behind us was empty until two guys sat in it and one of them asked him “you going out with her?”, he said in a joking tone and looked at me. Oh god this can’t be happening! I screamed on the inside. “No. I was just talking to her”
The guy then responded “Good ‘cause everyone here is way to good for her. She belongs in the ghetto man I wouldn’t even talk to her. You are way better than her” They both snickered and walked to the very back of the bus. He looked at me with a soft gentle loving expression on his face.
“Im so sorry” He whispered, “Those guys are assholes anyways.” He gave a warm loving smile. I blush a little and smiled back.
“You really shouldn’t listen to them though. You’re beautiful.” Once those words passed his lips he blushed, realizing what he had said. I was in total shock. I didn’t know what to say. I looked down the blush that was creeping its way to my face.
“Thanks. They are right though. I have the worse reputation that you could possibly get in school. You really wanna go find someone cool to hang out with you don’t wanna be seen with me.” I turned away to hide the tears that were coming with the truth of my own words. Damn reputation. I have never lived up to it though but like he knows that. Like he will ever believe me. Why would he ever want to be near me anyway? Im the Emo Goth girl that listens to head banger music and has a chuck of my hair dyed red. That writes poems that have no meaning to others but have meaning to me. The person that’s know as the good kid. Never has a bad grade or has my homework turned in late has never been grounded (even though I have just really haven’t announced it). Why would he want to be with someone who doesn’t go to party’s and when I do all they drink is a coke? Why me? Why would he call me that?
He looked away as if he was sorting out his own thoughts. As if he was confused at what he had just said himself. The awkward moment of silence passed over us. I was waiting for an answer from him. I wanted to hear what he had to say.
“I don’t care what people say. A reputation is a reputation is a reputation. Its just one of those stupid things that you get along with being high school.” I looked in to his soft caring eyes and he held my gaze for a moment.
That’s when I realized what emptiness was there. How it felt. How it felt as if it could never be filled. I closed my eyes as the emptiness filled me. I needed someone like him to fill that emptiness. But like I ever had a chance. The bus pulled up to my stop.
I felt the tears coming again and quickly got out of my seat “Excuse me” I whisper softly and brush past him. He looked at me as I ran off the bus then I heard “WAIT!” I saw him grab his stuff and run after me. I started to run down the street. No, no, NO! This cant be happening! I continue to run and hear him stumbling after me. He grabs my shoulder.
“I can’t just let you leave me like that without knowing your name and knowing that hurt your hurt some how.” I turned and met his gaze. “Arya. My name is Arya. And I have been hurt for a long time. I don’t think you could fix it.” The tears came rolling down my cheeks. Then he looked in his bag and pulled out my notebook. “I believe this belongs to you. And im sorry but I read it. You need to know that you’re loved.” He pulled me close to him. I have never been touched by anyone like this before. I was tender and caring and he whispered, “Do you believe in love at first sight?”
I looked him straight in the eye. I don’t even know him though! But I do believe in love at first sight I do! Then I softly whispered, “Yes.”, and looked him in the eye. He smiled and pulled me closer, “You may have thought I was new but im not. I don’t normally ride the bus because my mom picks me up but she couldn’t. You just haven’t noticed me at school. But I have noticed you. And I have been in love with you the first day I saw you.”
“Where did you get my journal then?” I looked him the eye wait for an answer.
“You dropped it after you ran out of science. You were in a hurry to get somewhere.” He handed it to me and smiled.
I had to smile back. I couldn’t help but to smile back “Thank you.” Then what he did next shocked me.
“Do you love me?” he asked. He took my chin in his soft hand a held me close, making me look him in the eye. I smiled at him while he smiled back down at me.
I answered with a whisper, “I don’t know your name… but yes I love you.”
He smiled at me and then kissed me softly and said, “My name is John.”
And at that moment, I no longer felt empty. And I realized… I was something special.