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The Blue Glow
My breath catches in the air, it’s humid escape taking me in as it suffocates my lungs with it’s heat. The hot California sun bathes me in sweet sweat from it’s torturous lust, bringing me into a near heart attack. I experience this from the nearby window, babysitting me ever so closely, making sure my quickening heart does not rupture from it’s pace; my nerves are tangled inside their own structure, impossibility at it’s best. I was here to see my love’s eyes stare into mine, with their impeccable brown tint. I have waited too long for this to give up from the fear that is burning inside my chest like Dante’s Inferno bliss.
I branch away from the gate, and pass by a carving in the wall of a bright blue eye, and my angel wings spread for flight, invisible to a human’s pupil. My eyes suffer from the need to see the brown in my lover’s eyes. All the miles I not too long ago traveled to be here are not to be wasted, ever at all. Before I can even breathe one more breath, I see two glorious brown circles piercing me in the face, making my heart pump more blood than my body can hold.
My dear sweet Stefan was right in front of me, his pearl white t-shirt holding his body as if he is me and I am him. His denim jeans hang loosely off of his waist, and I can’t help but stare at him from head to toe. He is beautiful, my forever beautiful prince with dark rimmed glasses aiding his eyes to see, and his head of which is blank from hair. His thick brows inspire me with deep, eclipsing love in my heart.
His arms, which were embracing his body with strength, unfold and reach out for me. His teeth are shown so bright at me, shining like the sun’s rays, and turned up into an illuminating smile. This made my heart heighten it’s speed to it’s peak. I sighed each time his eyes blinked. They were too beautiful for words to describe. My wonderful fiancé was in front of me at last. As I leap into his strong arms and breathe in his breathtaking scent, I feel like the world has begun to turn once more for me, and able to make a full orbit around the sun.
“Stefan, is this really you? Am I really in your arms?”, I breathe into his neck, asking desperately, almost believing that this is an impossible dream.
“Yes, my love, you are”, he answers as he silences my thoughts with one, everlasting kiss.
The world around me ceased to existence, almost as if I was deaf to everything. The clouds outside disappear and bring forth clear blue skies. The kiss between me and Stefan stopped all time from moving. Every clock and every watch became paralyzed, with their hands broken and snapped, and batteries dead from blood loss. Any song with an amazing melody was tone deaf compared to Stefan’s kiss.
“Are you ready to go home with me, Audrina?”, he asks me as he pulls away gently, not wanting to break me apart from the kiss that I was now forever addicted to.
“I’ve been ready, sweetheart”, I say, breathless for every breath I will ever breathe.
He smiles and liberally takes my hand in his. I feel like if he let’s me go, I will become empty, not seeing the world as clear as it is. But Stefan is here, right here, beside me, and I can only hope and pray that he will remain there forever. We walk towards his car, both of us ready to start our forever together, no longer apart.
***5 years later ***
I rip a paper towel from the roll on my granite countertop to wipe down the mess I just made. The orange liquid oozes off the granite and onto the pearl white tiles, staining it with it’s unfortunate tears, orange as the sun. A sigh drips out of my lips as I attempt to bend down and clean everything up, but my swollen belly stops me abruptly. I put my hand on my belly and smile to myself. The little person inside me stirs and tosses, warning me that these are just the easy days for now. After years of waiting for this treasured moment, it is finally here with only a month to go. However, Stefan has respected our doctor’s wishes and put me on bed rest until our sweet angel is born. This is a true blessing from heaven, and I never want it to disappear. Nobody can have too many blessings, and even though Stefan is certainly one of the many I hope to receive, I still don’t want to miss this second start.
I look outside my sliding glass door at the night sky and the pale white moon that is begging me to lay my eyes upon it. The moon is full, as is the stars, which are twinkling to each other and to me as if they are speaking their own foreign language. I have been told by many that the full moon holds some kind of evil within itself, but to me it’s a blessing within it’s beauty so bright. I look down at my swollen stomach and feel my child kick.
“I love you already, little one”, I whisper. I meant it with all my heart’s content.
I felt a tiny kick within me, which only brought a smile to my face.
A soft knock comes from the door, and as the seconds pass, it progresses into a loud rumble. I become suspicious, wondering who could be knocking at my door at nine-o-clock. Stefan isn’t due home for another thirty minutes, and even if he did get home early, he lives here so he wouldn’t need to knock at all.
My heart begins to thump in a mindless rage, it’s worry turned into anger. An unknown propaganda waiting for me outside this door could turn terrible, but with question in my mind that is in more of a storm than a hurricane, I have no choice but to slowly turn the doorknob …
What I see behind the door startles me in ways I cannot describe. All I see is a man in a blue uniform with a silver badge that is sparkling in the moonlight, and the light of my fears. The officer had dark brown hair, a buzz cut as most sheriffs have. He has brown eyes that contrast with Stefan, as his have more meaning and love. He looks to be about six foot, maybe taller. He looks to even have meat on him, but he still looked average, but why is an officer at my door? Please don’t tell me….no, just NO!
“Mrs. Pinzaro, may I come in and speak to you for a moment? It’s concerning your husband, Mr. Stefan Pinzaro?”
My heart skips for what feels like a million seconds, considering my breath is caught in my own throat and it feels as if the airways in my throat have become more constricted by each second that I have the chance to breathe. I know something is wrong now, and it feels like my heart has dropped ten thousand meters under the base of Atlantis. I put my fragile hand over my belly to protect my baby from this overwhelming fear that was slowly taking over me, bit by bit.
“No, you may not Officer. I’m sorry, but whatever you have to tell me, serious or unserious, you will tell me right here, whether you approve of it or not”, I say with the most sternness I have ever used in my life. I was frightened, so frightened that my Stefan was hurt, or even worse, perished beneath the moonlight above.
“Miss, I really think it would be better --” he starts.
“Officer, I will not repeat myself again, so whatever you have to say will be said in this doorway, do you understand?”
He looks down at his feet in shame and say softly, “Yes ma’am, I apologize”. He looks back up at me, and frowns deeply. He takes a big, profound breath that had more of a storyline than any book I have ever made myself read. His words chill me and leave me paralyzed:
“Mrs. Pinzaro, I regret to inform you…”
No, no, no! tell me this isn’t happening! Tell me this is all just a long slept and dreamt ever-so lucid nightmare that I will wake up from soon! Please just tell me it’s not true at all! Not my Stefan, not my love. Let those brown eyes still shine when he wakes up to me in the morning, as he always wakes up before me…
“…but your husband, Mr. Stefan Orlando Pinzaro, has been killed by an unknown source”
I scream; right there I scream. I can’t help it. But I feel like every ounce of air as just been deprived of my worth. Tears stream down my face, and every organ inside of me explodes, and I fall on the floor, everything crashing down inside of me. My whole world is gone, everything I have built in the past five years with Stefan has just been burned down in succulent ash, and now I’m swimming in it, burning with it, dying with it.
“No, this has to be some mistake, there is no way that he is dead! You identified the wrong man. He….he isn’t…no, please just…ow…what? Oh my god!”
A pain that I could not identify busted into my pelvic area spontaneously, as if something was pushing down on my pelvic bone with a hammer. I cry out for the police officer to help me, but he just stands there, watching me with his brown circles; but they weren’t brown any longer: they were the color of a mermaid’s tail, bright-sea green.
I try to speak, but my voice is abruptly stopped when another contraction comes into place. The baby was coming in to this world, much too early, but there was turning back. My child was going to be born in a premature manner on the day my love died and left his body lying somewhere unknown. I finally let the long-awaited scream out and it shakes every window in my home, but right now it feels like death is ready to take me in like it did earlier to Stefan. My eyes are glued shut, but I pry them open with pure strength.
I see the sea-green eyes glowing, as bright as a star, and they are piercing me. But the glowing eyes are not the only thing I see visible: I see a tattoo, one of the bright blue eye I saw once so long ago, and it was glowing the color of an electric spectrum.
I scream one final scream, and then my sight vanishes along with my breath.