I sit here thinking to myself, surrounded by friends, but my mind is my only true friend. Would they understand the turmoil in my mind? They must be able to. It's part of human nature, i guess. The voices surround me but only one image comes in clear. It's her. The one that i haven't seen in a week. The longest week i have ever felt. The worst thoughts come to mind. Does she feel the same way i do? Does she yearn for my touch? For my kiss? I keep my mind in the best possible state. I picture her as clear as if she were there in front of me. Her soft, blue eyes staring into mine, her porcelain skin soft to the touch. My hand strokes her cheek slowly moving toward her lips. Her soft, beautiful lips. I feel a sensation, something I’ve never felt before. Is she thinking the same thing I’m thinking at this very moment? Does she picture me in her mind the way I picture her? Why must it be one of the most difficult things to do? I think about her nonstop. In the morning when I wake up, sitting in class daydreaming, even as my eyes begin to close and I enter that fantasy state, she is the only one I think about. One week turns into two, as the image begins to fade. Will she be there for me once I return to society? Will she still love me? How do I thank her for everything she has done for me? I sit and think for hours on end, nothing but her comes to mind. Do I tell her how I feel and risk our friendship or do I sit back, bite my tongue and let the silence swallow me? The nights she held me close as my situation worsened, and the nights I held her as our relationship blossomed. Our first kiss lingers in my mind. I struggle to pull together a cluster of words to tell her how I feel when I leave, but the words and feelings float through the air, me unable to grasp them. Why do I struggle to control my feelings? These same words pass through my head day after day, as I long for the moment when I can grasp these words and once again hold her close to me.
April 13, 2011