I Will Still Love You

You hurt me. You hurt me, and then you walked away. Why did you hurt me? I loved you; I really, truly loved you. But that means nothing to you. Because you loved her instead. You loved her, but she didn’t love you. She laughed at you, yet you pursued her. And I was the one who pushed you to keep going. I told you to follow your heart, hoping that it would lead you to me.



I know you loved me at one time. I could see it in your eyes. But back then I loved him. At least I thought I loved him. But really I was falling in love with you. And, by the time I realized it was too late. I was no longer your infatuation. But you were mine.



Last summer. I went to sleep, with you on my mind, just like every other night before that. I dreamt of you kissing me. We were in the cafeteria, at our respective tables, and then you just came over and kissed me. It was wonderful, that kiss. It was like you were transferring an electric current through my body. It was so amazing that it woke me up in the middle of the night. I tried to go back to sleep, to dream of you again, but I could not. You were gone.



I told you I loved you. I told you that I’d always loved you. Yet you still turned me away. I tried to stop loving you, oh, how hard I tried! But I could not. I did not want to. Because even then, and even now, I still love you.



Do you know I cried that night, the night you turned me away? I told you that I was fine, that I did not mind, but I lied. I lied because I didn’t want you to feel bad. Do you know that I thought of committing suicide? Do you know why I didn’t? Because I still hoped, still prayed, that one day we would be together. Perhaps now that you know you have the option, you would say yes to me. Might it be hopeless? Yes. Might it never happen for us? Yes. Might there still be the slightest possibility that it will happen for us? Oh, you better believe it.



If I kissed you right now, would you pull away? Perhaps you say you would, but you might change your mind once our lips touch. Perhaps you would not be able to pull away. Maybe you would try to, but the magnetic force that has always been between us will grow too strong. When we both pull away for air, I will smile. Perhaps you will, too. Maybe our hands will intertwine, and we will both not know it until we are already interlocked.



Our first date would be simple. We would sit together at lunch, in the cafeteria. So what if there is only half an hour? It would be enough time for us. We would talk. It would be like any other day, we would laugh, and joke, and nothing would change. Well, maybe not nothing. Maybe I would reach across the cheap plastic table to take you hand. Maybe I would squeeze it gently, and then I would let go. Then we would continue, as if it were nothing. Because it would be nothing. There would be no transition, no adjustment period. We would take it slow. But no matter how early the stages, I would still love you. Because I already loved you. And soon, you would come to love me too. And then we would be together, in love, and it would be wonderful.



I would not be happy of we broke up, but I would not shed a tear, either. Because we tried. We tried, and it didn’t work out, but we still tried. And then I would know. And we could try to go back to the way things were, before this, and it would be easy for us, because we are already used to the awkwardness. With us, it will always work out. We were meant to be together, whether as friends or a couple. And even if it didn’t work out, I would still love you. I would always love you.





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This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

BrownEyedGirl said...
Apr. 6, 2011 at 8:44 pm
it was cute.  I love the description, thought I think it would be nice to see it from first person perspective, her perspective.  Though I like it!
 
EyesWideShut This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. replied...
Apr. 8, 2011 at 1:43 pm

o.O

It is first-person perspective.

And it is cute. :)

 
divyavee123 said...
Apr. 6, 2011 at 5:43 pm

i heart thiss!!!!!! <3 <3 amazingg way to go DL!!!

 

 
smilesunshine said...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 8:45 pm
This is so good!!! The way you described how she would react, how she knew it would happen, how she loved him; it was so good. It was amazing. I was nearly crying (partially because this is pretty my situation) and also because you wrote it so well!!! :)
 
jenniraffe said...
Apr. 5, 2011 at 8:20 pm
i love this. i think its beautifully truthful. maybe i just love it because it relates to me, sort of.....either way, great job :)
 
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