Accidents

I write you poems and let you read my writing. Nothing really jumps out and grabs your attention, you say. Need I jump and grab you, pulling you back down to earth? Gravity is a liar. It will never keep you on the ground once you develop wings. Sometimes I sit and daze off and dream. Of you, of course. You don't know it, but I want your hand to accidentally brush against mine. And stay there. You think we're friends. But we never talk. I try to make something of you to hate. Something so I can let go of your jacket so you can go back to where there is no gravity. Do you lie in bed and dream as you daze off or are you staring at me? I don't think you know it but silently i want you to notice me. You sit there with your pretty girlfriend. She's not me. She’s happy. I watch the salt roll down my pale cheeks in the mirror of your apartment. You invited me over. But you’re not here. You get home and you sit there, on your bed. You’re quiet. You don’t say a word and I fell complied to pry the words out of you. But I don’t because I want you to tell me on your own. You stare off into space and I wipe my eyes with the back of my sleeve. The sleeve I wear my heart on for you. Remember that time you told me nothing grabbed your attention? Well, it wasn’t up for grabs.





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Dominicano_Loco said...
Jul. 30, 2011 at 5:32 pm
Oh my... This just shows how much a relationship can hurt somebody :( I truly feel for you. And i'm sorry
 
RFrocker23 said...
Jul. 17, 2011 at 1:30 pm
I like this. I can definately relate to whoever is feeling all this whether it's you or just an imaginary character. Very mysterious, and I like the ending. Something was a little off with the flow, however, so some advice would be to make sure you have a variety of sentence structure and no fragments.
 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jul. 18, 2011 at 9:28 am
Thank you very much!!
 
Sunshinejpr said...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 2:11 pm
I love this Posy! It's great :) ANd I too loved the ending <3 Just a question though, is this based on how you feel? or is it just imagination? 
 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jun. 30, 2011 at 5:21 pm
Thanks,Dee!! This was written based on how I felt about a guy at one point,and like I mentioned before: I write not with my head,but with my soul. (And maybe a little bit of my heart.)
 
Sunshinejpr replied...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 12:50 am
Ooh, I get it now. So, you've must written it way back! Writing with your heart and soul is the most important thing. You don't write with the motive that other people like it. You write to express your feelings! :) 
 
Sunshinejpr replied...
Jul. 1, 2011 at 12:52 am
Ooh, now I get it. You must've written it way back! Writing with your heart and soul is important. It's the only way I know too. I write because it's the only I know of expressing my feelings. It's easier to write than say :)  
 
TheShadowWriter said...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 10:41 pm
I like it. It has a nice message and at the same time it is mysterious in ways. Good job. XD
 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 10:49 pm
Thanks,Will. :D
 
Garnet77 This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 7:24 pm
This is really, really, really good. (sorry about the three 'reallys', but this deserves it). It is short, but emotion rings through the whole thing, and your word choice was excellent. I especially love how you ended it--so perfect. Bravo on a wonderful piece. :)
 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 11:30 am
Thank you,ending it was the fun part for me. It was like adding the icing to the cake. :D I actually wrote this in French first,so this is my translated version.
 
Finchy said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 6:14 pm

LoveMeIfYouDare,

Although I am a guy, I can still identify with the emotions being felt in this paragraph. I think that this fact shows what a great writer you are when it comes to initiating feelings in your readers. I loved the stream-of-conscious-esque vibe I was feeling when I read this. It was like I was thinking it myself. I love your style and am excited to read more of your work.

Cheers

Finchy

 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jun. 29, 2011 at 11:29 am
Thank you so much,Finchy,it really means a lot to me! :) I try to write with my soul,never my head.
 
WritingSpasms said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 2:19 pm
This is really good. I love it when people right from their heart and soul. Keep on writing :)
 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 2:51 pm
Thank you!! I will continue to write!I have no other choice,I'll kill myself if I cannot write!
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 9:18 am
Great paragraph!  I love the train of though.  Just make sure to capitalize your 'I' in 'silently i want you to notice me.'  Good job!
 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 9:26 am
Thank you! ....And,the train of thought has officially left the station of action. haha :)
 
hopelovepain said...
Jun. 26, 2011 at 1:25 pm
I like this - you make connections like a real train of thought. I think it's really more of a cross-genre piece.. nice, though! 
 
LoveMeIfYouDare replied...
Jun. 27, 2011 at 9:03 am
Thank you!!!
 
Jesusfreak78 said...
Jun. 16, 2011 at 8:28 am
Prettey good i like the wording it's kinda unique compared to most writings i see
 
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