Welcome (part 1)

March 16, 2011
"I'm sorry, but I just can't date a sl*t like you."

I turn away, tears should be filling my eyes, but they don't. My eyes are dry as the Arizona sand I walk across to get away from the laughter. I can still hear the echoes of their words, the rumors that you believed. Instead of trusting me, and seeing the truth, you listen to your friends and blow me off, like always.

After the longest mile ever, I'm standing in front of my door. The chipped red paint that was there long before I was slowly flecks away in the wind that's howling around me like a pack of wolves, slowly eating at my bare flesh.

I open the door slowly, hoping He is asleep. I hear the faint snores coming from the living room. I see the blue glow of the television that He is asleep in front of, the remote hanging out of His hand. I creep upstairs, skipping the 13th stair. No, I'm not superstitious, that one just creaks, and I don't want to wake Him up. I can't put up with his sh*t right now. I enter my room slowly, only opening my door halfway. Any farther and it squeals like a pig when the farmer wants bacon.

I kick off my shoes, and turn on my laptop. "Welcome" it reads. Am I really? A stranger in my own house. I log onto my Facebook and see 72 new notifications. All of them are either wall posts or comments on my status. They all say I'm a wh*re/sl*t/sk*nk/etc.

Why am I such an outcast for this? It's not like I begged him to force himself on me ever night. I didn't ask to be raped at age nine. I didn't ask to be raped ever, yet it seems to happen everyday. For at least once a week, for the past 7 years, He has come to my room at night. He rips off my clothes, shredding more pairs of sweats than I can hide. He holds my throat down so I can't scream, and forces Himself into me. He thrusts again, again, again, until finally spent, he walks proudly back to His room, back to the waiting arms of His women of the week.

This never happened when mom was around. When she died, and He got custody, He decided He needed a new wife. I was convenient. Now the man who was supposed to protect me, to be a replacement dad to me, has become a rapist. A murderer of the innocent girl I once was.

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This article has 3 comments. Post your own now!

KatreenaMarie said...
Jul. 19, 2011 at 2:06 pm
thanks!!! :)
Suki-Alanna said...
May 8, 2011 at 6:36 pm
Ohmigod! This was really good and powerful, and I think if you gave a few more details, it would halp a lot!
TeaCat said...
Apr. 1, 2011 at 2:52 pm
Wow, this is really profound. Please keep writing, I love your style!
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