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All I Want

You were the first boy to tell me you love me without expectations. That’s why I think I’m so into you. You and you’re ridiculous buzz cut, that I made fun of for hours on end. The best thing to come out of that mistake was that it was the only time you allowed me to run my hands across it. I told you that I liked the feel of how spiky it was, but that was just one of the many lies I had told you. The truth is mine for now. I don’t think I could stand to feel the words of rejection come out of your beautiful mouth.

Sometimes when I catch you staring at me, I wonder what you’re thinking. I do that often when it comes to you… I wonder. It’s the most I can do, since you’re ever so reserved. Wondering is probably safer than knowing. I don’t want to know if you actually think my voice is too loud, if I talk too much, if my hairs a mess, if you think I’m a loser, or if you think I could use with dropping a few pounds. No, I’m much better off with those things unsaid.

What do you think strangers would think of us, if they saw us together? Oh, they would assume that we were together, wouldn’t they? Why, I would be flattered if they were to think that. You’re the most beautiful boy I have ever met. Maybe I just deceive myself into believing we could ever be more than friends. Of course that’s what I’m doing. You don’t really want a girl like me, when you already have a girl like that. Besides, there is always the fact that I don’t fit in with your friends. They're well liked and always say the right things, and I'm the underdog who stutters across sentences.

Sometimes you make me feel sad, like you did today. I don’t think you’re aware when you are doing it. I blame myself for that much. You think that since I act like I don’t care, than I actually don’t. I do care. Maybe I should show that more, but it is almost a defense mechanism. Get hurt, shut down. That’s another one of my secrets that I’ve kept from you. That when I am unusually quiet, I’m not annoyed like I tell you. It’s usually because you shut me down. I'm only saving myself from your pity.

Do you remember the first real conversation we had? I’m only asking because I don’t. It must have been in the eighth grade, because before that I was too shy to ever talk to you. Once you said you remember the first day of our last year in middle school. According to you, I just strutted into class and announced that quiet me was no more. I don’t remember it like that, but you made me seem like a fearless heroin. I like how you portray me.

“You know I love you!” is all it took for me. I know you didn't mean it in a relationship format, and I understand that. Even if we’re always just friends, and always will be. All’s I need is you’re smile, and you’re jokes. I hope we never let this stray, because you’re all I want.



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LovelyMissThis teenager is a 'regular' and has contributed a lot of work, comments and/or forum posts, and has received many votes and high ratings over a long period of time. said...
Mar. 11, 2011 at 4:06 pm:
This was so deep and meaningful!:) loved it keep writting:D
 
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