If Your Were Awake

February 2, 2011
By SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
SandyC SILVER, Concord, Other
5 articles 0 photos 78 comments

Favorite Quote:
"In the end it won't matter how many breaths you took, but how many moments took your breath away"

I came to visit you today. You moved, got a new home, but I found you nonetheless. You were sleeping today, but I thought I should visit anyway. I couldn’t really see you. They put you in your bed and covered you with a heavy blanket. I’m sure you looked beautiful either way. At first I tried to talk to you, then came to the realization it was pointless. You couldn’t hear me. You’d never hear me.
Once I realized this I started to cry. I know you would have comforted me. You would have told me that it is for the best. Would have smiled that gentle, beautiful smile. If you were awake.
Why do such bad things happen to such good people anyways? Why couldn’t you have survived? As these thoughts came into my head, I began to feel anger swelling up inside me. I was angry at the driver who decided to have those extra shots before driving home. Angry at the paramedics who didn’t even try to save you. Angry at God, for letting you die. I know you would have told me not to be so spiteful, if only you were awake.
I sat down next to you and wondered. Wondered what it would have been like if I hadn’t insisted we go out that day. What it would be like if that driver had been smart and taken a cab. But it didn’t matter now. You were sleeping. Forever sleeping.
I got up, brushed the dirt off my pants, and gave you the present that would have made you squeal with joy. If you were awake.
I walked away from you, and got into my car, wondering if that engagement ring would fit you.
If you were awake.

Similar Articles


This article has 5 comments.

on Aug. 9 2011 at 2:55 pm
AmandaPanda123 SILVER, Brookville, Pennsylvania
9 articles 0 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
Memories are forever.

This shows the emotion of the person speaking  so well... At the part about the engagement ring, I felt so sad and wanted to cry. Good job on your wonderful job of description and capturing emotion.

on May. 30 2011 at 7:44 pm
CarrieAnn13 GOLD, Goodsoil, Other
12 articles 10 photos 1648 comments

Favorite Quote:
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by." --Douglas Adams

"The object of life is not to be on the side of the majority, but to escape finding oneself in the ranks of the insane." --Marcus Aurelius

This definitely portrays the anger survivors feel when their loved ones (or anyone else) dies horribly.  Your story is short enough that it doesn't ramble on and on, but it's long enough to convey your message fully.  Keep writing!

on Feb. 5 2011 at 11:54 am
Timekeeper DIAMOND, Cary, North Carolina
62 articles 0 photos 569 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A guy walks up to me and asks 'What's Punk?'. So I kick over a garbage can and say 'That's punk!'. So he kicks over a garbage can and says 'That's Punk'?, and I say 'No that's trendy'!"- Billie Joe Armstrong, Green Day

This is dark and honest and you capture the swirl of emotions that belong in such a situation.

on Feb. 4 2011 at 5:42 pm
AgnotTheOdd GOLD, Aptos, California
17 articles 0 photos 315 comments

Favorite Quote:
"The reason for your unreasonable treatment of my reason so enfeebles my reason that I have reason to complain of your reason" ~ Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

That was really sad...Which is good I guess, because it shows you managed to evoke some sort of emotion out of me.  It was well written for sure.  It had an almost poetic feel to it.  Good job

Annerdy BRONZE said...
on Feb. 3 2011 at 3:57 pm
Annerdy BRONZE, San Francisco, California
3 articles 0 photos 52 comments

I think you're very talented at writing romance fiction and conveying the feelings that come with every loss and gain. There were a few missing punctuation marks and grammar errors, but it's not a big deal. I could definitely feel the narrator's helplessness, remorse and anger throughout the story. I think a lot of people feel that way when it comes to death so good job capturing raw emotions. Keep writing! I would love to read more of your work. :] 

Could you check out any of my work? I'd really appreciate it. Thanks. :D

MacMillan Books

Aspiring Writer? Take Our Online Course!