If Your Were Awake

Custom User Avatar
More by this author
I came to visit you today. You moved, got a new home, but I found you nonetheless. You were sleeping today, but I thought I should visit anyway. I couldn’t really see you. They put you in your bed and covered you with a heavy blanket. I’m sure you looked beautiful either way. At first I tried to talk to you, then came to the realization it was pointless. You couldn’t hear me. You’d never hear me.
Once I realized this I started to cry. I know you would have comforted me. You would have told me that it is for the best. Would have smiled that gentle, beautiful smile. If you were awake.
Why do such bad things happen to such good people anyways? Why couldn’t you have survived? As these thoughts came into my head, I began to feel anger swelling up inside me. I was angry at the driver who decided to have those extra shots before driving home. Angry at the paramedics who didn’t even try to save you. Angry at God, for letting you die. I know you would have told me not to be so spiteful, if only you were awake.
I sat down next to you and wondered. Wondered what it would have been like if I hadn’t insisted we go out that day. What it would be like if that driver had been smart and taken a cab. But it didn’t matter now. You were sleeping. Forever sleeping.
I got up, brushed the dirt off my pants, and gave you the present that would have made you squeal with joy. If you were awake.
I walked away from you, and got into my car, wondering if that engagement ring would fit you.
If you were awake.





Join the Discussion

This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

AmandaPanda123 said...
Aug. 9, 2011 at 2:55 pm
This shows the emotion of the person speaking  so well... At the part about the engagement ring, I felt so sad and wanted to cry. Good job on your wonderful job of description and capturing emotion.
 
CarrieAnn13 said...
May 30, 2011 at 7:44 pm
This definitely portrays the anger survivors feel when their loved ones (or anyone else) dies horribly.  Your story is short enough that it doesn't ramble on and on, but it's long enough to convey your message fully.  Keep writing!
 
Timekeeper This work has been published in the Teen Ink monthly print magazine. said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 11:54 am
This is dark and honest and you capture the swirl of emotions that belong in such a situation.
 
AgnotTheOdd said...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 5:42 pm
That was really sad...Which is good I guess, because it shows you managed to evoke some sort of emotion out of me.  It was well written for sure.  It had an almost poetic feel to it.  Good job
 
Annerdy said...
Feb. 3, 2011 at 3:57 pm

I think you're very talented at writing romance fiction and conveying the feelings that come with every loss and gain. There were a few missing punctuation marks and grammar errors, but it's not a big deal. I could definitely feel the narrator's helplessness, remorse and anger throughout the story. I think a lot of people feel that way when it comes to death so good job capturing raw emotions. Keep writing! I would love to read more of your work. :] 

Could you check out any of my ... (more »)

 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback