Understood

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As i walk to school thinking it cant get any worse, it does, i get a phone call from my dad. i just found out my mom had died, she had cancer, and plus my parents just got a divorce.

i finally get to school turns out I'm new I'm from
Africa.

As soon as i walk in the door I'm am greeted by a thousand words hitting me like stones. i cant do anything to stop it, i cant, there's nothing, the bell rang "finally lunch" i thought to myself.

i get my lunch tray and look around the tens of thousands of kids, i walk over, glares everywhere. finally i go to the bathroom and eat my lunch. but there is someone else in the bathroom too. she was eating her lunch too. her name was Izzy, we became very close friends and soon i didn't care what people called me and said about me, i finally had someone that understood me.





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electricpogostick said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 8:50 pm
. . . this was very confusing, and short. I agree with the people above me; let it develop more.
 
xInvisibleStrangerx said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 5:55 pm
you just need to mess around with it abit, add in more details and maybe have her worst day start in the past when her mum's diagnosed with cancer...just a though!
 
Miara said...
Feb. 5, 2011 at 5:37 pm
This really needs some more details.  I see what you were trying to do, but you just ended up rushing the story to get to the point.  You have to let it develop some first.
 
AshRyan said...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 2:49 pm
hahaha uhm well i see the idea, but honestly? lead up to those traumatic events... and you dont get a divorce to a dead person sounds to me you were just trying to think of a way to make this guys day worse... yeah this story didnt really make sense.
 
yankeelover replied...
Feb. 4, 2011 at 3:37 pm
well im sorry if my story didnt make since, but they got a divorce before she died
 
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