# A Hypothetical Romance

January 21, 2011

Ella and Jason, are talking in whispers as fireworks and snowflakes collide in up above on the last day of the year. Their topic comes to a lull.

The boy glances at his watch 11:50.

"You’re smart, I have to admit." Jason says, tilting his head to get a better look at Ella.

"Thanks." she replies, cocking a smile. They’ve just met but he's cute. Midnight approaches and with it comes the chance to be kissed.

Quietly, Jason murmurs, "But still ugly."

"What did you say?" Her stare could crush diamonds.

"What if I said you were ugly no matter how smart you are?"

"Then I would smack you in the face and tell you it was mean to say that." She raises her hand threateningly.

"Hey, innocent until proven guilty." He holds up his hands. "What if I asked you, what does “mean” mean?"

"I would tell you it means the sum of all the numbers in a sequence divided by how many number there are."

"And what numbers would you be adding up?"

"Our IQs."

"And what would the mean be?"

"Zero."

"Really?"

"Yes, because yours is negative 186.

"And what if I said I was sorry for being mean?"

"I would ask you what you actually said that was mean."

"And what if I didn’t want to tell you?"

"You would be a jerk, and I would walk away."

"What if I told you that I said you were ugly?"

"I would think you blind."

"And if I said sorry."

"I wouldn’t accept it."

"And what would I have to do for you to accept it?"

"Go down on your knees and say “sorry” 3 times."

Jason goes down on his knees, groaning as the snow soaks his jeans, and mouths “sorry” three times.

"Yeah."

"Did you mean it when you said it?"

"Mean what?"

"You know."

"Maybe."

"What if it wasn’t maybe? Would it be yes or no?"

"No."

"What?"

"No I didn’t mean you were ugly?"

"Then why did you say it?"

She lifts her eyebrows.

"Because I didn’t know what else to say."

"What if you just didn’t say anything?"

"Then we wouldn’t be talking."

"Hmm. And?"

"And what?"

"And whatcha want to say now?"

He doesn 't say anything.

Ella looks at him.

"What if I said you were beautiful?"

"You would be completely hypocritical."

"So what if I was?"

"You couldn’t be trusted."

"And if I meant it?"

"I would say thank you."

"What if then I asked you out?"

"I would say no."

Jason looks down at his watch: 11:55. then up at the sky. It’s snowing .

"What if I asked you again?"

"I would say yes"

"Then you would be a hypocrite and couldn’t be trusted."

"So would you have been."

"What if I told you, you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever met and I asked you one more time?"

"I would say yes."

Jason’s watch says 11:59:59. He leans in and so does she.

this is a converted script I wrote a couple months ago.