You mean something more to me

The sun and the clouds reflect against the blue translucent water. I had gone, ran away and never was I going back. I was hesitant to do so but looking at my appearance through the water, the blonde ratty hair, and fair skin, so fair it appeared sickly white through the waters reflection made me feel so empty. The only area not white were the spots of dirt and muck scattered upon my face. Full of frustration and anger I vigorously splashed the water. This was me. But that’s not what I wanted. Behind the smile and laughter is just another broken hearted girl. I wanted to let go of the pain that everything brought me, but the pain soon began to be the only thing I knew. It began to be my favorite drug, my addiction, my guilty pleasure; so I held on to the pain, and it simply became a part of me. The others think they know me; they think they can read me like a book, they’re wrong. Guarded up with gates around me, no one can break through. They see the shallow outside but not whats beneath. Never staying around long enough to see the real, raw me. Chanted words awoke me from my deep thoughts,
“look behind you!”

Startled I jumped to me feet, to see, him. If i was to see this figure for the first time I would think nothing of it. I would observe and simply look away. A regular guy, Dark hair, tanned skin, brown eyes. But when you look closer you see the beauty; the mocha skin, deep brown eyes that seem to hypnotize me in seconds and they way his nose curves perfectly on the sides. The way his body is shaped, and the way he walks in total confidence, sure of himself. Something I admired, something I never had. My heart beat rapidly, this figure of perfection was what I was afraid of. I fell to the ground. The air around me felt like a cage, I was trapped and wanted out. I came here to get away, away from him, them, everyone who did me wrong. Running, that’s all I did, run. I was running away from my fears, I was taught never to run away, to confront myself, and who I am. But i’m not that strong. Nowhere to go, no destination, no one to run to, just run from. The whispers grew louder..
“I am SO sorry.”
?
I could no longer run. The words made me weak. My feet no longer held up my weight; with one last daring effort to run I fell. Tumbling down the steep hills. Rocks dug into my back and I felt a warm tingling sensation of blood running down my sides. Suddenly, in a blink of an eye, I stopped. I see nothing. Where was I? Just white, like I was trapped in a snow globe. But i didn’t feel cold, nor hot. I felt, nothing? It was a calm sensation, like the greatest high. Sitting there, feeling nothing I heard a familiar voice, the voice of the figure. 
“I love you, it’s always been you.”
The words said so soft, like a gentle new borns touch. If this was the real world I would have cried out loud, but i didn’t which is how I knew for once it had to be heaven, and it was perfect. For I was with you.





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