My phone lit up and when I checked it, I say his name. Who knew one name could make my stomach fill with butterflies and inspire a smile that almost splits my face. Maybe it’s not normal to sit all day, waiting for him to contact me, but that’s what my days are like. I try to busy myself with other activities, push my mind to other subjects, but I always fail miserably. Some days I love the device known as the cell phone, worship the feature of texting. It allows me to stay in constant contact with my friends (and him). Other days I despise it, the power it has over me, how I sit and wait for it to light up, to bring me the words of him.

Boys were always such elusive creatures for me, always good to look at, never able to touch. They seemed so confident, swaggering down the hallways. Me, I’m cursed with shyness, which is not something I can turn on and off at the right moments to endear myself to people; I’m stuck with it at all times. So imagine my complete surprise when I start talking to this guy, someone I never thought I could think of in “that way”. We had met in drama, acted together and he made me laugh. Slowly, but surely, he wiggled his way into my heart. I have no experience in this area—I mean none—so everything thing was new for me. Every text, every meeting, I became more confident, more comfortable with myself.

The first time we went on a date, I thought I might throw-up I was so nervous. I was sure we would run out of things to talk about within the first few minutes of dinner. Thankfully, he had the gift of gab, and was able to lead the conversation, for the most part. Once we got to the theater though, I shined. Even though I had no prior experience, I had read enough magazine articles and seen enough romantic comedies to come off looking experienced. Holding hands became one of my favorite things to do after that night, and his hands were magic in my eyes. He wasn’t just some immature guy from drama, but a sensitive, funny guy who wasn’t all he appeared to be.

Now we are in a quasi-boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, with boundaries yet unset. I feel like a freak because I want to talk to him all the time and can’t wait till the next time I see him. I guess because I’ve never had a relationship before, I’m unsure of what to do and can’t get enough of being with him. I feel like a drug addict and he’s my dirty habit. Just waiting for him to text or to drive up to my house to pick me up makes me nervous and jittery, and I can’t stand it but really love it.

When I check the text, my breath stops. “I miss you.” Three simple words and I just want to melt into a puddle of love goop. Boys should not be allowed to have this power over us; it’s just not fair. Whoever said “Women need men like a fish needs a bike” obviously hadn’t been in a relationship. After this, I don’t know if I can ever be single again. I always thought having a boyfriend would be amazing, but never knew I could feel this way; always confident about yourself and bubbly. Not that it’s all rainbows and sunshine. We’ve fought and I’ve held my own, but I hate when his temper flares. He is so strong willed, it drives me up the wall! But I like that he doesn’t take my crap. Oh, if only tomorrow would come faster! Then I’ll be able to see him and hold his hand and see him smile. . . Why must I be tortured so!