An Evolved Infatuation

His eyes, gentle and forgiving, overwhelmed me with an unfamiliar sensation. He could lucidly see through me, through the artificial smile and flawless persona which I sought to portray. He engendered the veracity of my concealed personality with such ease and simplicity. The emerald pools that stared into my innocent eyes, grasped my heart with full force. As the sun subsided, he brushed away a stray, auburn curl from my delicate face. My crimson stained lips parted and an involuntary chuckle seeped out from the pit of my stomach.

A feeble sound directed our attention to a large oak tree above. A fragile and tender baby bird reluctantly stepped onto the edge of a stark nest. I watched as it soared into the new, unexplored world, its agile wings taking it into the turbid clouds. Melting into the distant mountains, the sun’s radiance dwindled into the abstruse and infinite universe. With the sun’s disappearance, all that remained was the nostalgic reminiscence of that beautiful day.





Join the Discussion

This article has 5 comments. Post your own now!

BeFree said...
Dec. 30, 2010 at 4:06 am

Hey kristen.b. I thought this was great writing. If I am correct in my interpretation, the way you used the bird to portray the evolution of love/infatuation was very cool. The use of the objective correlative was great; at first you're timid in love, and then as it progresses it deepens and is more meaningful and expansive.

I agree with Tuffgirl that some of the descriptions seem a bit forced, but on the whole I really enjoyed this piece!

 
KristinB replied...
Jan. 2, 2011 at 3:22 pm
Thankyou BeFree for grasping the symbolism of the bird maturing as their love evolves. That was exactly the point I was trying to get across :). Yes this is my real vocabulary TuffGurl... I wanted to reveal the complexities of love through elevated and complex diction. Thankyou for your comments they are appreciated.
 
TuffGurl said...
Dec. 28, 2010 at 7:42 am
I also have to add, that this doesn't really seem like the title, "An Evolved Infatuation." It's just two people who are standing with each other, witnessing a beautiful sunset. Were they friends before? Did the girl or the guy like the other person but never approached them, but they did now? What's the story behind the title? Maybe the mystery is part of the story. I know you know what it means, but you're the writer and you had the idea in your head in the first place. Us readers can't read y... (more »)
 
TuffGurl said...
Dec. 28, 2010 at 7:37 am
I like it, but it seems like you tried to hard with the big words and the complex descriptions. I don't know if this is how you actually talk, but my suggestion is to write how you talk, only with more proper grammar when you publish it. And is "engendered" a real word?
 
TuffGurl replied...
Dec. 28, 2010 at 7:47 am
Okay, "engendered" is a real word. I know it's sort of sad that I had to look it up, but you are writing with unknown words and I don't really grasp the meaning or plot of the story. I know I've said that, but I just want to add it again. Maybe you should write "An Evolved Infatuation: For Dummies" or "An Involved Infatuation: The Dictionary to the Story". Wow, these are good titles. And the "An Involved Infatutation" isn't a typo. But seriously, help the others with the words! Maybe I'm ... (more »)
 
bRealTime banner ad on the left side
Site Feedback