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So Many Beautiful Choices
So as he leaned in toward my face I stretched up on my tip toes and forgot everything sensible, and didn’t remember any of those sensible things until I was lying in bed that evening.
I had turned off my cell phone but I was sure I had many messages and maybe even calls from my concerned boyfriend. And that once again brought me to my boyfriend. My boyfriend who was states away probably laying in bed resting from a hard day at his part time job. My boyfriend of year and a half, a whole faithful freaking year and a half. Tyler how could I have done this to you? How could my vacation become cheat time? Oh but he was so good at kissing! Hold on, no Tyler, Tyler, Tyler! My boyfriend, focus on him! Dang how did I always end up in these situations? Okay first I have to ask my best friend she would know what to do, she always did. No she would just say to leave Tyler and stay with the Michigan hottie, because everyone knew Tyler would take me back. Even though she was right it was better not to hurt him I decided. So with that I turned on my phone and texted him for a couple hours like I always would. Nothing had changed in his world, which was a very good thing. So I made one mistake, had one little very long big kiss, no big deal! And as I kept saying that to myself I hoped I would start to believe it.
I woke up the next morning to my loud alarm clock. I imediaely jumped out of bed and I got dressed. As I sat down for breakfast and my grandmother handed me some cereal. She stared at me a few moments of me crunching frosted flakes, she asked with a suspicious eye brow raise who I was so dressed up for. I sighed and said, “No one grandma!” With a laugh I hoped out of my chair, put my dishes in the sink and went to get my shoes. I inspected myself in the mirror and realized I did look different then most casual summer days. I had a nicer pair of shorts, and tank top, my hair was down and curly instead of its normal messy ponytail, and I had a little more makeup on then normal. Had this new guy already got in my head enough to have me dressing up for him? I sighed while I slipped on a pair of flip-flops and I was off. As I called out a goodbye to my grandparents I walked out the door a couple blocks down the road to the local Baptist church. The church that my grandparents attended every Sunday, the church that my mom used to attend when she lived here. My grandmother had happily volunteered me to help out with the VBS. Not that I minded, my mom shipped me here to this small town every summer saying I needed a dose of country town living. And I am not going to lie it could get boring at times. So helping out here didn’t really bother me, I mean I did love kids. I started off the day, talking to a few people then helping the kids getting seated for songs, then a bible lesson, arts and crafts and last snacks. As soon as I had the kids lined up and ready to walk down to the building hosting foods my stomach dropped. I had chills and I certainly didn’t want to go. I mean yesterday I was here and a cute guy winked and said he would see me later. And that he did. He saw me later alright. Later meaning inside the kitchen when I was helping clean up, later meaning we were alone and we started kissing. Then I thought why am I freaking out, I said those moments meant nothing. And that is what they meant. NOTHING!
So I once again straighten the line of impatient children, all of them talking about something different. I pretty much marched down to the building, the whole time telling myself that I did not care anything about any brown eyed sixteen year old boys that might be down there. I entered getting the children settled and letting the others take over serving them then realized that the normal kitchen staff was not coming with plates of sandwiches and finger foods. What was up? Didnt they realize that I just wanted to get out of here? Then I heard the door opened and a turned to see a foot kicking the door open, and as my eyes traveled I realized it was the one and only beautiful Adam. Tanned and muscular he was balancing a box of pizza on one hand. He yelled “pizza!” and the kids went ballistic. And as he walked he said, “Rest the eyes babe; it’s not nice to stare.” And gave a stupid chuckle. I steady glared as he handed out pizza then escaped to the kitchen. I handed off the children to an older lady who was in charge of getting them home.
I was gathering my bags when he came out and threw a rag into my hands, almost dropping it I said, “What is this?” and he replied with, “You thinking you going to get this lip action with out work?” I sighed and started cleaning the table, “I don’t want any of your lip action!” He looked at me for a second and walked over to the table, before I knew what was happening; he grabbed my arms and brought my unprepared lips into a crashing kiss. After a few moments of that he sighed and said, “I know you better than you know yourself Amber, you want me, I know. So don’t lie to me and yourself, meet me. Outside your house, midnight.” And walked out those doors leavening me with a wet rag, the facial expression of a fish, and my heart torn between wanting so bad for what I had always known, and for more dangerous new options.
So skipping past hours of impatient hours spent visiting with my grandparents and texting my boyfriend. I am now lying in bed, thinking about what I should do. But like he said I couldn’t lie to myself, I was going to be there at midnight. Beside the fact that I was dressed to be seen by one of the hottest guys ever, I knew myself. I knew that I was a good little southern girl that loved to play with danger. That is why I hung out with the people I did, that’s why I dated the people I dated. It was all a way of my self conscious keeping me safe. I talked with those straight A’s, always meeting curfew, type. And somehow I knew Adam wasn’t that type. And that was part of the reason why I had to meet him tonight! But at the same time I had never snuck out a day in my life! So as midnight approached, I hoped and prayed that my grandparents where asleep, and fixed my hair one last time, took a few deep breathes .And then tried my hardest to tiptoe down the hall, through the kitchen, and out the front door. Now you have to know that I am one of the most clumsily people on this earth so this was one of the hardest tasks for me. But a made it!
Then I sat on the front yard slightly hidden behind a bush for probably twenty minuets. And I knew I came out of that door at exactly twelve o’clock! So he kept me waiting? He thought he could keep me waiting on him??! No he could not I thought to myself! As I sat storming nasty words in my mind I heard a truck loudly pull up to the sidewalk. I looked up and guess who was behind the wheel of an old, red, ford pickup truck, Adam. Oh just what I needed a guy that had the truck of my dreams. (Yes I love old pickup trucks, especially fords, I know its weird, and nobody gets it.) I looked up and angrily walked in his direction. He gave me a dazzling smile and my previous anger vanished. I started with that stupid trying to grasp for words thing that people do when they can’t think. I hoped it came out with wrath like I imagined it would. He gave me an odd look and said, “Okay? Well all I caught from that is that you are mad…..hmm will you still come with me?”
I just gave a sigh and opened the creaky truck door and jumped in. As we started down the almost empty road I said, “If I wasn’t mad I would tell you how much I love the truck.” He just gave me a smile and kept those beautiful cocky lips closed. I then said, “So where are we going, Oh and why where you late??” He glared at the road for a moment and turned to me with smiling eyes and said “where we are going is a surprise, and I promise I was late for a good reason; can we leave it at that?” I thought for a moment and then said, “As long as it was a super good reason.” He replied with, “I promise I would never keep something as pretty as you waiting for not a very good reason.”
I was opening my mouth to say I don’t even know what when I caught the glimpse of red and blue lights in his side mirror. We both realized at the same time and that is when he said “Oh s***” under his breath and started to pull the truck over. I was so beyond belief that I was speechless. All I knew was that there were tears slowly sliding down my cheeks like big rain drops. And as I watched the officer exit his car I heard him murmur, “It will be okay baby I promise”. “What the hell Adam? No it will not be okay!” I realized I was trying to scream at him but it was all just coming out in a big slobbery mess. How was this going to be okay? The first time I ever sneak out we are going to get caught because world traveled so so so fast in this small freaking town. The sound of the old crank window lowering broke my train of thought. Outside of the dark night I saw a man, the normal officer look, normal uniform, staring at me. I looked back trying to muffle a small cry. I had could slightly remember the few times I had been in a car when we got pulled over, they were all times with my mother who had the bad habit of sometimes traveling a little to fast down the interstate. So I really had no idea what our rescission would be. Thinking back I didn’t even know why we had been pulled over, it must have been for speeding because we were both wearing our seat belts. Looking back to the window I realized the cop was still steady staring at me. Why wasn’t he asking for the license of the driver or something? That was when he spoke in a deep raspy voice, obviously in my direction, “Well well little Miss, do you have any explanation of why you are riding around at such a late hour with my son? I can tell you better than anyone he is not the nicest company to keep defiantly to a pretty little GOOD girl like you?” I stumbled on my thoughts and tried starting a few words, but all I could keep thinking was his son?
A few hours later we sat staring at the lake, with its little white cap waves. It was Lake Michigan, one of the largest lakes in the county and magnificent at that. But what was more magnificent is the fact that Adams dad promised to not say a word about catching us out together, way past normal hours. After explaining who I was and such he finally said, “now yall kids stay out of trouble, and I wont tell anybody bout our little run in here.” After much explaining I figured out that Adams parents were divorced and he lived his mom and his horrible step father. After getting over the shock we decided to ride out to the lake, and that was where we were now. With his one arm around my shoulders, on the back of his tailgate, with a blanket thrown over me. We had been having conversation for the past couple hours, not the awkward I don’t really know you conversation, but the we have been friends forever conversation. It was nice just being able to talk like that. And at times we would just fall into the soft comfortable silence, but truthfully it was nice. 0ne of the nicest nights I had experienced in a long time, neither on of us trying to hard.
But I knew at some part it was going to try to go into the romantic direction, the only thing I didn’t know was how I was going to react to that. At this point I had already been kissing the guy and such so I had already cheated, why not do it some more? But at the same time I knew it only made it worse to keep cheating. As the hours drifted by I could tell we were both getting a little more tired. But for some reason it didn’t really matter. Because nothing love related ever happened with us the whole night. It must have been close to 4:30 when he lifted my tired head off of his chest and said, “You know we should probably be heading back?” I mumbled something about just staying there but he slowly lifted his body up off the back of the truck, still supporting me. My head on his neck one arm on my back and another under my knees. He carried me to the passenger side of the truck. I let him lay me inside, then I could here his footsteps as he walked around the truck, shut the tailgate and then got into the drivers seat. As he turned on the truck I wiggled my way beside him, so that I was leaning against him.
He felt cold; I looked up because I had expected him to put his arm around me. As I looked up I noticed he looked drawn and pale. I said, “Are you okay?” He took a few deep breaths and closed his eyes and after a few seconds replied with, “yes of course, we just need to get you home…” with that he started to drive, but as we went down the straight roads I could tell he was shaking which was causing him to swerve all over the road. With that he said, “okay sweetheart I have to tell you something and with out freaking out I need you to do one thing for me, first of all I am not right I am really sick I have cancer and I really don’t feel well right now so I am going to have to ask you to drive for me, okay?” I was now fully awake, and I said, “Wait you have cancer?? Why didn’t you tell me??!”
He tried his best to look into my eyes, and I could tell he was serious when he said, “Amber I cannot explain right now all I can say is to beg you to please please take the wheel and drive you home, I will explain tomorrow.” I was now sobbing and not sure what I should do, but I knew that I needed to drive us home. So as my answer I started to slide up in his lap, where I was trying to grasp the wheel. The age of the truck made it difficult for my thin arms to steer. But as I finally gained control of the wheel I saw headlights, quickly flying across the road. Back and forth they were all over, and thousands of thoughts where flying through my head as that car flew around the corner. Next thing I knew everything was gone, and black.
Weeks later I lay in my bed, still broken and hurting, just taking my daily pain medication. Tyler was sitting across from me, asking which movie I wanted to watch I had ended up telling my beloved boyfriend everyhing, really there was no way of hiding that I had been out with Adam, so I might as well spill. Somehow it strengthened my love for him. And he did a great job of comforting me those weeks after Adam died in that horrible car crash, his body had been too weak they said, died almost as soon as they arrived at the accident. I knew it wasn’t my fault and I also knew I had loved him even though I had only known him for that little while. But whatever the reason was I knew I would never forget him, and how wonderful we had been. But I know he is gone and I am meant to be with my one and only, Tyler.