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Inside Outside In

He was always on my mind that year. Always. And I always knew how he thought of me; as some stupid sophomore. Sure he put up with my s***, but more than not he ignored it. Slowly I gave up. Very slowly.
I knew I loved him. I know I love him still. Because...
Two years later he came into contact with me. Sure we had talked every once in a while, when I had a question about Supernatural or Dracula, but that was it. So this, whatever this was, was out of the blue. Completely.
He enjoys my witty banter? He realized he missed me? He wants to buy me ice cream? I'm sorry but how can this not be in my mind. It has to be, but there was the proof.
"J?" I had asked one of my best friends. "I need to talk to you?
"What's up?" She asked.
"Lately," I began numbly, "I've been feeling at loss, needing a friend, praying for someone to be there like He is. And then yesterday...talked to me. He said he wanted to hang out with me."
"That's an answer," she replied smiling. "God sent him to you. Take it."

So I did, or would have, if things weren't in the way. So maybe if I would've had courage than things would be different now. That means what exactly?

He doesn't think of me as that stupid little girl? He may actually like me? And like talking to me? He may have found someone as stupidly crazy as him? What does this mean? What does any of it mean?

Love?
I know I love him.
I know that more than anything.
I always have.
So what does that mean now? Because it means hell for me. Because I have no idea what to do. All I can do is pray, because He sent him to me. So he's here becasue of Him? Right?

Where does this story go? Does it go back to me beeing some stupid stocker? Or to him finally realizing I am here for him? And will always be.

After all, he is more than likely still in love with another of my best friends. And will always be. Just like me, with him.





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