Defying Love.

November 18, 2010
By erinr BRONZE, Waterboro, Maine
erinr BRONZE, Waterboro, Maine
3 articles 0 photos 4 comments

Favorite Quote:
"To me, Fearless is not the absense of fear. It's not being completely unafraid. To me, Fearless is having fears. Fearless is having doubts. Lots of them. To me, Fearless is living in spite of those things that scare you to death." - Taylor Swift<3

“Haley wake up. Your late for school!” Mom screamed up the stairs.

“Noooo mom I don't feel good... I'm not going.” I replied.

So my mom always wins our arguments. I don't know how but she always does. I slipped on my ripped jeans, put on a shirt and tied up my black converse. Before I left the house I brushed my long brunette hair and my teeth. I hated taking the bus. I usually kept to myself and listened to my ipod. Today it was raining. I watched the drops fall down the chilled glass. Slowly it dripped. I sang to my music so quietly no one could hear me. Today I listened to “The First Cut is the Deepest” by Sheryl Crow. Her music absolutely speaks to me. I can always tell what she's trying to get across to the listeners.

Ahh great another long boring day at Tree Hill High. I loved the school, I loved the teachers, but I didn't love how I had no friends. People are to judgmental. They think I can't hear what there saying or thinking but its not hard to figure out when people don't except you.

My first class was biology. Mr. Cousins was a boring old man. He always sat me by myself because he himself didn't except me.

“Haley James come up here please.” he said in his annoying british accent.

“Yes Mr.Cousins?” I replied.

“We have a new student and his name is Landon Carter. He will be your new lab partner.”

I was astonished. Me getting a new student to sit next to me? I can't lie I was a little excited. I saw him and my mouth dropped. His gorgeous dark brown eyes glimmered from the sun rays that shinned through the windows, His neatly cut cinnamon hair was tossed perfectly. And most of all his smile. That's what got me. And that was the day my life changed.

From then on all Landon and I did was talk to each other. Not a day went by at school where I didn't see his glowing face. And when we hung out it was magical because all we did.. was talk. It was like a schedule. We would come home from school, go to his back-yard and lay on his hammock talking until dusk.

The day I didn't go to school.. everything changed. I woke up that morning feeling sick and throwing up blood. It hurt my bones to move, even just to lay there. I couldn't stand I couldn't eat, I couldn't even talk. My mom called the hospital that morning for me to go in for a CAT scan. Something was wrong, and we needed to know.

After my scan the results came back. The doctor said he'd have to run more test. And after that came out of his mouth I knew I was dying. They said it would be a break through if the radiation worked. I had a rare case of Non-Hodgkin Lymphoma cancer. I was 17 years old and I had cancer. My life was over. The doctor estimated about 3 weeks until I was gone. Every night at 8 o'clock before I went to bed, I put out one single candle counting down to how many days I had left to live.

I remember when I told Landon what had happened. He cried right there, right there in front of me. After he started to cry I cried. He then told me I was a believer and if I set my mind to it he knew I would be able to succeed. He looked me straight in the eyes and said “Stay strong beautiful,” and kissed me slightly on my forehead imprinting his soft lips.

Every day on he came to visit me in the hospital. Every single day he told me how he wasn't going to let me go through this alone. About how he was going to be by my side every single day I had in me even when I was sleeping just to make sure I was breathing. That day I started to loose my hair from my chemo therapy, I decided to have my head shaved. I no longer looked like that beautiful girl Landon Carter had meet. I was bald, so skinny you could see my ribs. I had purple veins, blood shot eyes, and pale skin. Still every day that boy I met always told me I looked beautiful. I know he didn't mean it but I liked to believe it.

Every time I threw up he was right by my side holding my hair, and rubbing my back. After he would hand me a piece of gum and we'd both giggle. When Landon smiled I smiled, when Landon laughed, I laughed, when Landon cried I cried, when Landon was happy I was happy, and when Landon was sad I was sad. He was my soul mate sent to me. He always thought he had brought on the cancer always telling me how he kept me out to long when I should have been resting. I then told him he kept me alive longer if anything. From that day on we were counting down the week till I was expected to pass away. Every single day he would come lay with me in that uncomfortable hospital bed. He would hold my hand and play with my hair. I loved it. But most of all I loved Landon James Carter.

One day Landon brought me a present. A delicate little box with an elegant bow tied around it. I slowly unraveled the precious gift and opened up the cover. In it was a long gold locket. Engraved on the locket was September 16th, 2009. That had been the day we met. Tears filled my eyes.

“Why are you sad?” Landon asked in sadness

“There not sad tears, there happy tears.” A smile crawled onto my face.

“How about we do smiles for happy and tears for sadness, okay Hales?” Landon suggested.

“Its just beautiful, your beautiful, everything you've ever done is beautiful. I can't think back to a day where I didn't smile with you. Or laugh with you. Not even think of you. Your impossible to forget for a second. I don't think I'll ever regret meeting you. I know that one day when I leave this earth today, tomorrow, 10 years or a hundred, I'll remember that day I first meet you. You imprinted my life with yourself and you've changed me for my best. You made me live to my potential, you made me and let me have fun no matter what. You never thought just about yourself. You always thought about me.”

“Of course I always put you first Hales, your my everything. I feel the exact same way you do. Its fate babe... that's what brought us together.” Landon smirked.

I loved how he always made me smile by just the littlest things he did. Out of no where he grabbed my fragile hand and asked “Haley Autumn James.. will you go to Tree Hill prom with me this Friday night?”

I was baffled by his gesture, I didn't even know what to say. “Uhmm no...” A frown crept up to his face. “I mean YES!” “I've always wanted to do that to somebody.” I giggled.

“You had me for a second Haley!” He laughed.

That Friday night I went home to get ready for the perfect night with the perfect guy. I was upset that I couldn't look as good as I could. This cancer really brought down my confidence in everything I did. My mother helped me get ready. By the time I was all done I didn't even recognize myself. I had on a silky strapless envy dress. My favorite part of all was... I had a brunette curly wig. It had been pulled back into a bump, long beautiful strands of hair fell perfectly onto my face. Makeup hide all the bruises and paleness of my skin. I looked flawless that night. Just for Landon.

Landon pulled up in his old black car. I'd like to call it in style. He looked so handsome I didn't even recognize him. He brought me a a calla lilly corsage. It was stunningly exquisite. Tears were starting to build up but I couldn't ruin my makeup. “Thanks handsome, I love you.” I said. “I love you more.” he argued. God could this night get any better?

We arrived at the prom when everyone else was arriving. People ran up to me telling me how beautiful I looked and how they felt sorry for me. I don't know why they felt bad for me. I just wasn't suppose to live a long life. Maybe God has something else planned for my future. I literally thought my life had been perfect.

We danced to the slow songs, we danced to fast songs, we sang together even though we weren't the best, we both knew that to!

I think that was the first night I hadn't thought once about my cancer... It felt good.

We drove home that night in dead silence. He held my hand and kept looking at me with an elegant smile. “What are you looking at Landon?” I questioned. “You.” “what about me?” “Your gorgeous.” “Awe thanks baby.” I replied. “And I just realized how much I want to kiss you right now.” “Well if you insist.” I teased.

Mwah! Right on the cheek a perfect little kiss. We arrived at my house. He walked me to my door like a proper date. “I want you to know how much you have changed my life only for the best. Your the only girl in my eyes as seen beautiful. I don't love you, I don't want to be with you, and I don't need you. I'm in love with you, I need to be with you, and I want you. That's what I needed to tell you. “ Landon spit out.

That last one hug completed my night. “Awe Landon! Your making my makeup run!” I laughed while tears streamed down my cheeks. We kissed that one last time and he went away.

And those were the last words I, Haley Autumn James, had ever said to Landon James Carter.

Haley James passed away the morning after prom, peacefully in her bed. She leaves her mother, father, two sisters and brother. Most of all we couldn't forget her boyfriend. I'd like to say more of a soul mate Landon Carter, who had always been there for her through her rough times. Always told her she was beautiful, always made her smile, and kept her alive for as long as she lived. We will never forget that flawless smile, nor her beautiful laugh. She is just one of those kinds of people you couldn't ever forget. Rest in peace Hales.

The author's comments:
"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams." - Dr.Seuss

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