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The Story of Me
We are standing there, peering at each other through the rain. It isn't one of those rejoicing moments, this is goodbye. He is leaving me. Thank God it's raining, so he can't see me crying. As we are standing there, soaking wet, he is telling me it's all going to be okay. How in the hell is this going to be okay? I am losing the love of my life and there is absolutely nothing I can do about it. So, I'm listening to him telling me that we can still be friends (please tell me how you can still be friends with a person you gave everything to. I really don't see that working out) and we can still talk and see each other. As I am standing there, nodding to everything he is saying, I'm starting to feel myself not only to be sad, but starting to feel a little irritated at what he is saying. He is calling the shot for us to break up and the after effects? And I don't get a say in it? That's not okay.
“...and if we end up seeing each other, like at a party or something...” he is saying when I cut him off.
“What?” He looks shocked that I was actually speaking.
“No,” I say again.
“I don't want to be your “friend”, I don't want anything to do with you.” By this time I'm done crying and that mad feeling is coming over me. I can feel my fist starting to clench.
“Why?” I think that threw him for a loop. I think he is use to being in charge.
“If you don't want me, I want nothing to do with you.”
“But.. but, it's not that I don't want you, it's just I don't want a relationship right now.”
“Well, I'm done. I'm done with your games.”
I really don't know what games either, but I'm sure he just wants to keep me around just in case he can't find another girl to be with, and I'm not that kind of girl.
“I'm just done.” I don't know how I can go from doing anything to get him back to saying I want nothing to do with him in a couple of minutes, but it feels good. I feel like I'm in control for once, and I'm guessing he doesn't like it.
I turn to walk away from him to really show him I'm done with him, and he grabs my arm. I pull it out of his grasp.
“What? Don't you understand that I'm leaving, just like you want?”
“Just tell me why we still can't be friends.”
“It's not something you are going to understand. The only way I can tell you is this is something I want. You wanted us to break up and I had no control over that, and this is something I want, and you aren't going to have any control over my decision.”
“Please tell me why.” He knows I still have deep feelings for him and he is trying to play me, but not this time.
“No. I want you gone. I want you out of my life. I want you out of my head.”
“But how can you just let me go like that? I was the best boyfriend you ever had.”
Ahhh! I swear he is asking me to punch him. Who says that? 'Oh I was you best boyfriend ever'? Who? So I roll my eyes and start to walk away again.
Just as I'm about to get to the car he yells, “I'll see you around!”
Are you kidding me? “No you won't, because after this I'm done with you. So if you have any last words, speak now.”
“I don't get why you are acting like this?”
“You don't have to get it, all you have to do is leave.” And with that I jump in my car and turn it on. As I start to drive away, I take a quick glance in the rear view mirror and see him standing there in the rain. That's when it hit me. This is really done. We are really over. There is no happily ever after. And just like the rain, the tears flood over me.