Bitter Sweet Love

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"Hit me jarrel i dare you, hit me." i swore through clenched teeth.

he whiped around throwing the glass he had been holding abruptly into the sink. His hand was in mid air then he let it sink to his sidewith an infuriated breath he pushed me backwards and stomped out.

i droped to my knees and started picking up the shaddered parts of glass that had leaped out of the sink. We had been going on like this for months now, we used to be happy untill i asked about his passed. He never wanted children or even think about marying anyone let alone me. Thats okay becuase i dont nessarly believe in marage i mean its stupid really, to get together then grow apart.

The gray and black ford flew down the driveway past the house. i stared open mouthed and stumbled up quikly dropping everything i had been holding. Trying to get my barring. I sat with my back against the couch. I dont know how long i sat there but when i looked up it was dark out and foreign headlights climbed across the walls. Dancing with the moonlight bounceing from window to window.

The dorr opened and shut jarrel came in throwing his keys on the counter and iether ignoring me or not seeing me, went into his bedroom, shutting the door scilently.

I heard the TV flick on and him going through his rutieen like a robot takeing his shoes off, putting them into the closet, and taking his night time sleeping pills.

The bedroom door opened again and his footsteps echoed coming closer.
"Sarah?" his voice was at such a low whispered i strained my ears to hear my name roll off his tounge.
"come to bed will you?" he asked
"you left." i said not looking at him.
"will you just come sit down?"he leaned closer.
"were did you go?" i asked him
"no where." he said grasping my elbow. his temples beated as he clenched his jaw ever so slightly.
"oviously you went somewhere it as plain as the achohal i smell on your freakin' mouth." i murmered just loud enuff for him to hear.
"fine! theres enuff blankets to sleep on the couch." he said getting up from his crouched position. he released my arm leaving white prints in the skin wear his fingers had been.

He walked back into the bedroom his footsteps heavy on the wood floors. the door slammed shut. I sat there almost parrelized wondering and relizing what we've become.

I stumbled up tripping over the air itself fumbling for the remote control. Giving up I clasped my hands together to stop the shaking and maybe i'd give my mom a call tomarrow.


i got up earlier than him & started to make some toast. The pitter patter of his socks sounded loud in the quiet og the morning. the tiolet flushed and a couple minutes later he grogy face apeared around the corner and skimed my body.

He inched closer grabbing a bite of toast and throwing an arm around me. I stiffened up and he took his arm off walking back to his room, half way there he turned around to anouce he was getting ready for work . After he walked out the door fully dressed in a siut and tie as a "bussiness man" little dide he know that i knew theres a rattie old T-shirt and a toolbelt in the breifcase he used to build roofs.

I picked up the phone compressing it between my right shoulder and ear. My moms charming voice sent a wave of relief down my spine.
"whats new baby?"
"hey mom."
"mmhm hows that boy of yours doing?"
"i dont know ma hes actign all oblivious again." i said my voice trailing off.
"did you ask him about it?" she asked already knowing the response.
"yes ma and he acts like theres nothing different."
"wasnt it around this same time last year when he up and left booked a hotel with MY credit card mind you?" she said agressivly
"mom stop." i said irritated
"now you know i never liked that boy sarah."
"i know." i said gently
"well baby i gotta go deriks got a good chef today for the deli."
"kay mom love you."
"love you to baby."

I threw the phone on the bed it hit something hard under the conforter. i lifted it up finding a greating card saying get well maria. i put it aside to ask him about it later. i walked down to te store running into my old friend colling he acted suprised but we always run into eachother there.
"so you want to get some coffee?" he ased
"no, later though, i have to get home and cook."
"okay." he said."what do you think about thursday?"
"deffinetly. yeah." i said smiling
there was an akkward pause.
"well, ill let you go and cook then, tell jarrel i said hi." he said with a distaste on jarrel and cook in his voice.

i said goodbye to him and hurried home to cook dinner before jarrel got home. later that night we sat on the couch, he wrapped his arms around me and we watched back to the future. i glanced down at his hands seeing something written on it. i picked it up looking closer. it said cluadia with a phone number under it.

i threw his hands off and stood up off the couch,
"whats wrong babe?" he asked with a stale consern in his voice.
"oh nothing, maybe cluadia would know." i spit in his face, he turned ashened glancing down at his hand
"oh thats nothing." he said reaching his hands around my waist. i pushed away and he through his hands up jumping off the couch.
"what you dont believe me!"
"No i dont!" i said yelling back at him. he balled up his fist and punched the wallbehind his head. he pulled his hand out of the wall and leaned his head against it. i reached out placeing my hand lightly on his shoulder for confort, but at the touch he spun around and walked past me shoving my shoulder, and slamed the door as hard as he could. i sware the door would fall off its hindges.

I stared after him for a while then sat on the couch and watched the TV.





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