I remember Ch.1

October 25, 2010
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I remember when I'd first seen him. His eyes still haunt me. So amazingly green and so...deep. I remember the countless hours we'd spent in the diner just talking. Just feeling. I never thought it would end how it did. I was sixteen, and stupid. If only I could turn back time. I would've never let him go...


I stepped on the cold floor of my New York apartment. I moved here about a week after Javier left. There was no point living in Berkeley if he was the only thing keeping me sane there. "Ali! Come on! I'm gunna be 100 before you're through!" Joshua called out to me from our bedroom. Oh yea, I forgot to say, I'm engaged. Yes, I'm engaged at a very young age...but I'd rather be married and happy at 18, than single and miserable at 100. "Hold on Josh! As an aspiring writer I must concentrate! Do you know what that means?" I asked. "No. What?" He asked, his voice barely audible from the thick wall separating our voices. "NO DISTRACTIONS!" I yelled, annoyed. I typed furiously as I tried so hard to focus on what i was writing. "Come on babe! please!" He begged. I rolled my eyes. "Want some cheese with that wine?" I asked not paying much mind to the fact that he was now towering over my trying to read what I was typing. "Come on. You have to take a break sometime.” he said, slowly pulling my elbow. "No. Josh." I said, trying to pull my elbow away. He kept pulling. "Come on!" he begged. He pulled me out of the chair, but a little too fast because as soon as my hip hit the desk, my coffee spilled all over the laptop. "Joshua!" I screamed. And just like that...my work, the time and energy I'd spent into writing that beautifully detailed and planned out article on my lost love...my whole life...was gone. "I'm sorry babe...can't you just restart it?" Joshua asked, not really knowing if he should hug me, or run away from me. "I'm gunna go take a walk." I said. "I'll go with you." He started towards the coat rack, "No! I wanna be alone...for once...just leave me alone." I said before grabbing my phone, keys, and walking out the door.

I walked into the chilly air of New York. Winter's the best time of year, even though it's unbaribly cold, it's deffinitly worth it when you look at everyone's warm smile on Christmas Eve, and looking at all the shops filled with Christmas decorations, and of course, you can never miss the thick, white blanket of snow. I looked around and spotted the bakery where I loved to go get my coffee. I walked in the bakery, and took in the smell of roasted coffee beans, and freshly made croissants. You just can't get stuff like this in Starbucks. "Hey! Ali! The usual?" Asked Joseph, the owner of the bakery...so I come here a lot, which probably isn't very good on my part as I am an aspiring writer...with really, really, bad financial problems. He handed me a hot, espresso and I sat down at the coffee bar style counter. I took a long sip of my coffee and sighed as I slammed the mug on the counter. "Rough day?" Said a man wearing sun glasses as he sat next to me. "Hmph. Oh yeah." I snorted. He chuckled, then sighed. "Me too." He said. "Uh, excuse me! can I have whatever she does." he asked. Joe nodded and smiled his friendly Italian smile as he grabbed a mug from the shelf. "Stupid Josh made me spill coffee on my article for my college assignment. Now I have no article for the college news paper." I said glumly. "Thanks." The guy said as Joseph gave him his coffee. "So, no news paper article huh?" He asked, eyeing his cup. "Yup." I said. "Try coming to New York, looking for the girl I once knew, finding her in a bakery, wanting her to know everything, and then nothing at all about what you've been doing the past two years, and where you've been, and her not recognizing you." he said, before quickly sipping his coffee. I let out a breath. "Okay, you win." I said. He laughed. and took off his glasses. "Oh my God...Javier!" I squealed as I threw my arms around him. He laughed and wrapped his arms around my waist. "Hey Alicia...I missed you." He said. "Me too." I said into his shoulder. I didn't realize it until it was too late, but I was crying. "Look at my retarded self. I look like an idiot crying." I laughed as I wiped my tears with my jacket's sleeve. He smiled. "it's okay..." he said. He's never made fun of me crying. While Joshua just tells me how stupid it is of me to cry over silly things...this would be one of those silly things. "So how've you been?" I asked as I sniffled, still recovering from my crying a minute ago. "Good...kind of. You know...just barely hanging in there with...everything." He said. "And by everything you mean your mom?" I asked. He nodded. "Things have been tough. As if they weren't bad enough in Berkeley, it's even worse in LA. My mom's just not use to noise anymore. I thought we were going to survive in Berkeley until...well you know." He said, quickly looking at the mug held tightly in his hands. I looked at mine too, feeling a wave of sudden awkwardness wash over us. I know what he's talking about...I remember it all too well...like it was just yesterday. But it's time to forget the past...it's not important anymore. "So...why are you here?" I asked. He chuckled, "Just trying to find a job somewhere over the rainbow. It's hard now that I have to support two women." He said. "Two?" I asked. "My mom and…Erika." he said. "Oh...Erika's your girlfriend?" I asked. He nodded, again glancing at everything else, except me. "Oh, that's cool. Things have been hard with me too. Just me and Joshua, my fiance." I said, hoping that last bit stung. But he was completely unphased, Only a slight frown appeared on his face. But he caught himself and smiled warmly. "Well, I'm really happy for you." He said. "Likewise." I lied. "I knew I'd find you here." Josh said loudly as he entered the bakery. "Aye! Keep it down! This not a club! this a bakery!" Joseph said in his thick accent. He's always hated Josh. "Hey josh, I'd like you to meet my very good friend Javier." I said. Josh smiled so fakely, I wish I could slap him. Javi half smiled, and stuck out his hand. like the gentleman that he is. Josh snorted and took it. They shook hands, and Josh was pulling on my jacket. "Come on. Let's go home.' He said. I rolled my eyes. Of course, the one moment I have time to be with someone who isn't so self centered, Joshua Kartik has to ruin it! "Well, i have to go Javi...it was nice seeing you again..." I smiled. "You too." Javi said, pulling me into a hug, as soon as our bodies touched, I knew it wasn't over. The late night talks at the diner, the long kisses in the rain, the long summer walks on fourth street...there's still hope...I just have to find it in this big mess that is my love for him. I must make this happen, if not in this life, than in the next...but this dream must come true...

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