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The Broken-Hearted Girl

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Convulsions racked my body, and I fell to the ground with tears falling down my face, watching his footsteps trail away. That was the last memory I had of the one I loved. His silloette walking away, forever.

With every step he took, my heart was diminishing. Tresses of brown fell into my bloodshot brown eyes and I lost sight of him. Rain began to softly tap my head. I called out his name, not once but twice, and still he did not come.

I was like a puzzle with a missing piece, without that one piece I was not complete. My tear streaked face looked up and I peered through the wall of water searching for any hint of his return. There was none. I realized then how I must’ve looked from the outside. I realized then that I was stronger than this heartache, yet still I did not get up. I just sat there on the dirty street, in the rain in my now soaked dress.

That night would be forever ingraved into my memory. The night that my inner soul was destroyed. The night where true love did, in fact, die. Looking back now, I wish I would’ve had the strength to get off my knees. I know why I couldn’t do it then, because I couldn’t do it now. I was, I am, I will always be, the broken-hearted girl.





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Mango777 said...
Oct. 26, 2010 at 2:44 pm
I think your description in this was perfect.  Creative Writing has been helping you a lot, and I can see your capability showing in this.  It could be something longer, or it could just stay this length.  It's a very flexible piece in my mind.
 
tomboy-42 replied...
Oct. 28, 2010 at 11:02 am
why thank you mango777! i doubt i could make it bigger tho cuz i couldn't keep the aweomeness going :) thanx for your input
 
tomboy-42 said...
Oct. 21, 2010 at 1:02 pm
please comment on my stuff, tell me whyits good, why its bd tell me anything jsut comment i wanna know how to make my work better
 
getback replied...
Oct. 24, 2010 at 1:49 pm
it was really good, although some parts were a little abrupt, otherwise i liked the first two paragraphs
 
tomboy-42 replied...
Oct. 26, 2010 at 11:31 am
do you have any ideas on how to make it less abrupt
 
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