Allergies intro

October 7, 2010
By Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna


"Haha!!!!" Jenny laughed. Greg laughed too. Jenny, an average pretty but not supermodel girl had just met a handsome, tall, kinda dark guy (Greg, :P). Oh, and was he a charmer!! They had officially gone out on a date to a late night movie, and now they were taking a romantic moonlit walk........... engaged in a lovely conversation. Greg, apparently had 4gotten just how late the movie was. But eventually as they strolled past the park, Jen reminded him........
"OMIGOD how romantic!! The sun's about 2 rise!! I've never seen a sunrise with a guy before!! Lets watch"
AT 1 word he panicked.
NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!
Trying to look polite, he said "Um, Jenny, i gotta use the, the bathroom!!" (what else could he say?) He ran, ran like the wind. Knowing where he was going. Jen gasped. Flabbergasted over what just happened, she followed him. "WHERE DO U THINK UR GOING??" she demanded. But he couldnt answer. It was just coming up the horizon......... Luckily he made it. The huge place he called home. JUST about to run in when.........
"U STOP RIGHT THERE MISTER. UR NOT GOING ANYWHERE TILL U TELL ME WHAT'S GOING ON". Poor Jenny was blocking the door, blocking his escape. Her face was demanding. The first rays were shining.........
Greg tried to hide but he couldnt. "AHH!!!" he screamed. It was as though he couldnt breathe!! Throat clogged, his breath was coming in short gasps. "The sun" he managed to murmer. Perhaps it was a childhood phobia bcuz his date was NOW engaged in a ginormous shock.

"OMG R U A VAMPIRE!! OMG, BACK AWAY DEMON!! I'LL CALL DA COPS ON U!! I'VE GOT GARLIC!!"
As she screamed it G thought "where'd she get garlic? And who is this crazy woman & wat has she done with my date??"
BUT IT WAS TRUE. She took out a raw onion from her purse hit him with it.
It basically did absolutely nothing to help the pain.
Taking advantage of his opportunity to escape, he ran inside, to the place where he was safe, away from the one thing he had ever feared.

How could she ever fully understand? Ever contemplate it correctly.
It was just allergies.

Stick around 4 part 1!! And thanks 4 reading!!


The author's comments:
hey. i heard tale that there was a man allergic 2 da sun. So it inspired a story ;). This is my FIRST piece on teenink so.......

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This article has 9 comments.


on Nov. 13 2010 at 10:51 pm
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

*gasp* one more veiw..........and this short intro will have 100 VEIWS!! Yeah!! 99 veiwers and only 3 commented...........ah, doesn't matter.

Though I'm SOO anxious for part 4 and wild and free to come out!! So excited!!


on Oct. 17 2010 at 8:40 pm
Phoenix611 GOLD, Avon, Colorado
10 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Zip it, or I'll come over there and zip it for you." -Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

and, if you do choose to do a rewrite, please keep the line "it basically did absolutely nothing to help the pain" because that's awesome and i love it :)

on Oct. 17 2010 at 8:38 pm
Phoenix611 GOLD, Avon, Colorado
10 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Zip it, or I'll come over there and zip it for you." -Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

aside from all that, i think it's got a good plot line, it's  very original, and it has really good potential!! keep it up!! :)

on Oct. 17 2010 at 9:59 am
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

true, true. I'll work on it.

but, ignoring all grammer mistakes & text talk & all,  what do u think?


on Oct. 16 2010 at 9:42 pm
Phoenix611 GOLD, Avon, Colorado
10 articles 0 photos 40 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Zip it, or I'll come over there and zip it for you." -Sandra Bullock, The Blind Side

yeahhhhhhh no. don't use 'u' 'ur' '1' '2' '4' and etc. this could be a better story if you didn't write it like a text message. really cannot stand that in writers. spell things out, clean up your spelling and grammar, spell the names all the way out, fix your punctuation and capitalization, and this could be quite good.

TuffGurl said...
on Oct. 13 2010 at 2:20 pm
haha this is really good! Just work on your grammar and yeah... but good work!

on Oct. 13 2010 at 5:27 am
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

You're welcome!

on Oct. 12 2010 at 2:50 pm
Internal-Love PLATINUM, Queens, New York
33 articles 3 photos 311 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing's black or white, its all just a shade of gray---

















TI "Live your Life" ft Rihanna

thanks!! :)

 


on Oct. 11 2010 at 8:11 pm
deus-ex-machina14 BRONZE, Stewartsville, New Jersey
1 article 0 photos 439 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There are two main tragedies in life. One is not getting what one wants, and the other is getting it." -Oscar Wilde

Pretty good! I would say just clean up the grammar a little bit, but very original and unique. Good job!!


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