Another Love story-part one

October 7, 2010
By whittles BRONZE, Delmar, Delaware
whittles BRONZE, Delmar, Delaware
1 article 0 photos 6 comments

Favorite Quote:
"A word is dead, when its said, but i say it just begins to live that day."-by; Emily Dickinson

Another Love Story

Breathe, Just breathe, I got out of my dad’s farm truck it was my first day at the new school, where my dad lived. Only a week ago I had moved, I had to go to the office but where would that be in the three story building. I looked around and I felt like everyone was staring at me that’s, when I met one particular person who I don’t really want to like her name was Natasha, even though she complained about everything it seemed she actually seemed pretty cool. Natasha was in the popular crowd, so I thought was if I became friends with her I could be the New Popular girl, but I didn’t really care for that. I walk almost a mile it felt like till I actually got to the doors. I could see the office it was right across the hallway. I walked and all I remember was falling and landing and felling a crushing pain because someone had crashed and fell on top of me. When I stood up, it was a guy and he had a football jersey on so I guessed he was popular, he introduced himself as Jake. I was kind of shocked that he stuck his hand out and then asked me to introduce myself to him, I told him my name and he said so you must be new? Yes I’m new. Then he said that he would show me around the school. He and I walked into the office and one of the office ladies said Mr. Salerno, why are you in here again. He looked at me and then smiled. Then the office ladies asked for my full name I had to say my name, which Jessie Marie Scott is a mouthful of words. Which is ok but not really if you’re standing in front of a cutie pie that you ran into in the hallways and they crash and fall onto of you, let alone if he’s a football player. I got the name saying over with and they handed me my schedule and Jake asked if he could look at it so I didn’t bother and I gave it to him. He looked at me and gave me a funny look and then said I have the same exact schedule so I can show you around the school and for lunch if you want you can sit with me. When we left the office the conversation really started.
“So where did you go to school before you came here?”
Asked Jake

“I used to go to Sussex Central,” I Said “but, I only went there since a year ago when my high school got really boring.”
Surprisingly he gave me a real cute smile and laughed
“So that’s why you came here to Wilson High School, and you moved like almost one hundred miles from your old school because that’s in Delaware right.”

“How did you know that my old high schools were in Delaware?” I asked which was kind of awkward that he knew where I was from.

He replied
“I know because my cousin goes to the Sussex whatever that school is and his High school also was a lame place to go to school, and then he said do you know Jared Cameron?”
Jared Cameron, I couldn’t bear to think he was the guy who was obsessed with me. My face filled with a blank sad look.
“What’s wrong, Jessie,” Jake said “really seriously what’s wrong?”

“Jared Cameron, I know him because..................”
I couldn’t finish my sentence up because he was the last person I wanted to think or talk about.
“Oh so you do know him?” Jake replied

“Yea” I had to say
He gave me the cautious look and then asked how.

“Jared Cameron,” I couldn’t bear to say how I know him “He used to be obsessed with me and I didn’t like him.”
Finally we arrived at our first class period, before Jake could reply back to me. It was science and it last for only 45 minutes which was pretty sensible. What made it worst was that Jake asked if he could carry my things? I couldn’t tell him no or yes so I said sure if you want. He replied with a yes I really want to carry your books for you only if you want me to carry them for you. Jake looked me in the eyes and then put his hand on my hand.

The author's comments:
Another Love Story

Information on this story:
Told in: first person
Jessie- Whitley
Jake-Whoever is my boyfriend at the moment

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This article has 2 comments.

TuffGurl said...
on Oct. 13 2010 at 2:11 pm
I agree with rhymertapperdreamer. I hate to say, but your grammar is awful. It's really hard to read and your sentences rush together and it's sort of messy. The plotline is predictable... try a second part and stuff. I'll read that. Just WORK ON YOUR GRAMMAR. Please!!!

on Oct. 12 2010 at 4:38 pm
writerfluid SILVER, Tempe, Arizona
9 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater good? I am your wife. I am the greatest good you are ever gonna get!

It's a little bit choppy and hard to read.  Maybe you could start by adding commas and quotation marks.  Also, the plot is kind of predictable.  I don't want to sound mean or anything, I'm just trying to help.  Keep writing!! :)


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