Without You

September 29, 2010
By WillHug4Money GOLD, Florien, Louisiana
WillHug4Money GOLD, Florien, Louisiana
18 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is stronger than gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength.


"I don't want to live without you," she said, as she held her best friend's hand.
"I know," he said, as he squeezed the warm hand that kept him there.


Her name was Alice, and she loved him. She expected she would never get to tell him; she had just been shown her MRI results, which revealed a cancerous tumor in her breast. She thought she only had six months to live.
His name was Cameron, and he loved her. He never expected to tell her; he had just listened in panic to the oncologist as his best friend was diagnosed with cancer. He thought she only had six months to live.
Their love was unknown.
They sat in silence for a while, just staring at each other and continually taking turns squeezing each other's hands. It seemed that they didn't even have to talk, for they felt they could see into each other, and see what they were thinking. But the truth was, they were both trying to figure out ways of how to tell the other. It seemed inevitable.
They suddenly said each other's name simultaneously. They laughed.
"You go first," Cameron approved.
"I have something to tell you."
He raised his eyebrows.
"We've known each other a long time...and we know pretty much everything about each other..."
"Yes?"
"I--I--I love you." It might've been the toughest thing she'd ever said, even though she wanted so badly to say it.
Cameron was wide eyed.
"I wasn't going to tell you. I was afraid--"
Cameron put his finger over her pink lips and brushed a piece of hair out of her face.
"I love you, too," he said.
It was Alice's turn to be surprised. In spite of her expression, she was not afraid to lean up and kiss Cameron. It was her first kiss, her being thirteen, but it was no dount the best one she'd ever have.
They were happy and sad. She was going to die.
The oncologist suddenly ran in. He looked excited.
"Dr. Foreman!" Alice said, wondering what was event was so good. She had just told him she loved him, and she was dying.
"The MRI was wrong," he said.
"What?" Cameron said, puzzled.
"You don't have cancer! You're being discharged in an hour or two. Congratulations."
Alice wanted to jump and sing and kiss her new lover.
They loved each other.


The author's comments:
I just want to point out that there's always hope!!

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This article has 5 comments.


on Oct. 8 2010 at 11:44 am
WillHug4Money GOLD, Florien, Louisiana
18 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is stronger than gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength.

It really wasn't supposed to be three minutes later, sorry if I put that impression, because it wasn't my intention. But I really thought this story would be terrible, so thanks!!

on Oct. 6 2010 at 9:43 pm
theoryofperception BRONZE, Barrie, Other
2 articles 1 photo 12 comments

Favorite Quote:
"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined." - Henry David Thoreau

I love your writing style. It is flowing and simple, yet beautiful and elegant. It is unique! Don't ever change your style!

One thing I would suggest is to work on your plot. As 'TuffGurl' said, it is rather unrealistic for a doctor to inform a patient she is dying, and then minutes later say it is a mistake. 

I am not going to re-write it for you, but I feel it might have been better to leave her situation as is. Sad, yes, but realistic. 

Keep writing!

Sarah


TuffGurl said...
on Oct. 4 2010 at 2:11 pm
I'm sorry, I didn't mean it was terrible. Just think of a gentler way of my first comment, and that's what I meant. I speak my mind a lot, sorry. But it was not TERRIBLE. You have good potential and are a good writer. Your flow of words is really great, and your piece is easy to read. For some writers that's hard to do, but you make it look easy. I would just work on the plotline, and you would be really good.

on Oct. 4 2010 at 11:48 am
WillHug4Money GOLD, Florien, Louisiana
18 articles 0 photos 20 comments

Favorite Quote:
Nothing is stronger than gentleness, and nothing is so gentle as real strength.

oh my gosh i knew people would think this is terrible!! i didn't have enough time to think about everything; i only had one class period to get it done (it was NOT an assignment). i'm so sorry to disappoint!!!

TuffGurl said...
on Oct. 4 2010 at 5:22 am

heart wrenching... but seriously, WHERE'S THE EMOTION?!?! all of it is just love, you didn't even say they were confused or even SCARED or SHOCKED and the girl was diagnosed with cancer!

but it's also unrealistic for them to just say, "YOU HAVE CANCER. YOU HAVE SIX MONTHS TO LIVE." and then five minutes later say, "OMG! IT WAS WRONG. YOU'RE FINE. GO AHEAD AND GO HOME." I would work on this. It has potential, but lengthen it out more, and maybe make her die. Or have something tragic like, as she's lying on her deathbed, about to die, she says to Cameron, "I love you," and stuff. but this is about a two-star. sorry.



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