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standing still: Chapter 1

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The dark gray sky was rolling in again... the wind was shaking what little leafs that were left away from the trees. No houses or any sign of life for miles, the lush tall green grass was swaying to the rush of a cold and eerie wind. My thoughts were washed away at the unison of voices sobbing that’s when it all hit me ...death was upon us. I looked all around me as rows of familiar faces I could not make out passed with only the courtesy to glance my way and speak in monotone voices of apologies.

Suddenly I felt my hair being wrapped around my face I felt like I was being strangled. Fear slowly crept upon me as if to say that she were here... feeling her touch grip my throat. But soon enough it was defeated by the numbing of my body, soul, and mind. I took a few quick glances at the people around tears cascading down their faces, I felt disgusted with myself for not crying or feeling any kind of compassion for the lost soul. But my heart would not allow this kind of exposure to feelings for I believe if I were to show them that I would lose it... fall apart. I stood silently in the same patch of dead grass for the remainder of the ceremony and when it was all over I forced myself to the car for a long ride to a lonely house. I took one last glance at her grave and closed my eyes hoping this was a dream.




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