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Love sucks. That’s what I’ve taken from my somewhat minimal guy experience. First you like each other, then you love each other, then it’s over. Sometimes these stages go by super fast, and sometimes you’re in the “I love you” phase for what seems like forever – to people outside of your relationship, that is.
But, sometimes, you really get the short end of the stick. Getting your heart broken is not something everyone likes to admit to, per say, but once it’s happened and you’re over it…it’s kind of funny to look back and see how messed up you were. Trust me, it’s not a pretty picture.
Pretty much the second it happens, you know your heart’s been broken. If there’s any controversy at all – just one little speck of doubt that your heart is still intact and working – then it hasn’t been broken. It’s like…getting hit with a bullet in your chest. It literally hurts. You feel it, and you never forget the pain. It’s not something you can just forget. Sure, you can move on to other guys, but you’ll always remember that one boy as “the one who broke my heart” or “the idiot who was too stupid to see how great I am” or, simply put, “asshole.”
Take Matt, for example. I used to consider myself somewhat of a heart breaker – I had never been broken up with before. Never really cried over a guy or let a guy get me down too much. But, when Matt told me things weren’t going to work out for us, I fell harder than I would have if I’d had weights tied to me. My spotless record was forgotten, and, the second I was alone, I cried. I hadn’t even noticed the tears I was holding back until they came out.
I remember the next day, when my best friend told me to come over to her house. We sat on the computer taking a random survey about nothing, when the question, “Do you know anyone named Matt?” popped up. Somehow we managed to laugh about that. That’s the good thing about best friends – even when you feel like crying, they can always make you laugh.
Matt really wasn’t worth it anyway. Oh, most girls would do anything for his attention, but it was a twisted kind of attention. You never felt like you were on solid ground; you always had to work hard to keep your balance. He wasn’t after love, anyway. He only wanted one thing. He was a good actor, though. Somehow he convinced me I was the first girl he’d ever been nervous around, the only girl he was intimidated by. I believed him.
You might think this is ridiculous, but we only officially liked each other for about two weeks. I used to joke around about how that was “the best two weeks of my life.” How stupid was I.
Matt cannot be without a girl. Lots of times, he goes for who is convenient. Sometimes he goes for skanks. Sometimes, if he knows that a girl likes him and she’s pretty, he’ll go for her. I was convenient, and so of course he picked me. He made it seem like I should have felt honored.
Matt was cute. He still is cute. At times it’s hard not to fall into the pattern of liking him again. He’s funny, intellectual, and very confusing. Also dangerous and rude. I always fall for the a) least likely boy to reciprocate the feeling and b) the – usually – biggest jerk in the room. What can I say? I can’t help it if the ones who have the most potential to break my heart are two things: funny and attractive. And flirty – don’t forget that.
So mine and Matt’s relationship (while short-lived) was pretty good. Not that I’ve got that much to compare it too, but one day, hopefully, I will. We always texted, walked to class together, and hung out the majority of the weekend. Things were going good, and my life was pretty much complete. But, sadly, this is high school we’re talking about and, well, boys are stupid.
Matt sort of had confidence issues. A few days after he told me it was over, he came to me and said he “might have made his decision too quickly.” Well, me, being the proud, never-take-a-boy-back-if-he’s-dumped-you-once kind of girl I am, told him no right then and there. On the spot. No questions asked. With me, you get one shot and if you screw it up, you don’t get another. It’s sort of a policy of mine. Never text a guy first, never chase him – let him come to you. If he really likes you, he’ll make the first move.
Anyway, I told him no and as soon as I hung up the phone, I regretted it. I spent the next few weeks hinting that I was wrong and attempting to get him back. Nothing worked. Matt’s ego is a big thing. I hurt his pride and he gave up right then and there. It’s not in his character description to be vulnerable.
We both had our rebounds. He went for the skankiest girl he could find. She wasn’t even cute. She looked like a man (and still, to this day, looks like a man.) I went for the nice guy who I should have liked in the first place. That being said, these things can’t be forced, and pretty soon I broke his heart (or so I’d like to think.)
Matt isn’t the type to stay single for long, as I’ve already stated. After he discarded me and the skank, he moved on to a girl who was sort of like me. Convenient, for sure. Funny, pretty. Matt was her first real boyfriend, so I’m sure he was a little overwhelming. They lasted a couple of months.
He went to college, and, as I predicted, about two weeks in he ended it. She was heartbroken to say the least – I swear I saw her crying at school the next day three different times. I wish she had learned from me – or anyone else – not to get involved with him. But it’s what he does. Everyone’s got to have something they’re good at, right?
I got to thinking about Matt, real deep stuff, you know, and I decided – he’s not worth it. That may seem obvious to you – as a completely unaffiliated third party observer – but really, that’s a big thing. Matt’s tricky – I guarantee that if you saw him or talked to him, you wouldn’t believe he’s not worth it. But it’s true.
The point of this is…Matt has broken so many hearts it should be illegal. He’s lied and cheated and made us all cry – but maybe, just maybe, it’s made us stronger. More able to realize the good guys – Prince Charming – from the bad ones – Matt. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll learn from his – and our – mistakes, so that when Prince Charming does come along, we’ll know it right on the spot. I know, I know, cheesy ending…but, I must admit, I’m nothing if not a hopeless romantic.