A Special Moment

September 1, 2010
By Anonymousme GOLD, San Antonio, Texas
Anonymousme GOLD, San Antonio, Texas
15 articles 2 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so whoever believes in hill will not die but have eternal life.

Dreams are what make us who we are, a life without dreams is like a life without air.


"Everything is going wrong Jake," I sobbed, "first my friends desert me for cooler ones and then..." I sobbed louder.

"Everythings going to be okay Jessica," he reassured me.

My life had been going wrong ever since Sadie deserted me, I thought. Sadie Wilkins used to be my best friend. After she left me for more popular people, all of my other friends went with her. My mother was the only one there to comfort me. Then, she died in a car accident and my world came crashing down. Now Jake, my boyfriend, is the only one I have left.

All I could do was cry and cry into the shoulder of Jake, who was patting my back reassuringly.

"I'm sorry," I said, "you must think I'm an awful baby." Only sobbng harder. We were sitting outside in my backyard and the stars were brighter then ever. A chill went down my back as he put his arm around my waist.

I turned my face toward his and stared into his deep blue eyes. I could feel his warm breath on my face. I knew what was happening about a second before it came. We moved closer and closer together until our bodies became one. I felt his soft lips on mine and though it only lasted a second, time seemed to freeze, and I wanted to stay there in his arms forever.

It was our first kiss together. Everything had changed, everything was different. I was a little scared, but ready to embrace it.


The author's comments:
I just wrote this piece because I really wanted to capture the essence of a perfect moment, or a perfect kiss. :)

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This article has 4 comments.


on Sep. 4 2010 at 5:23 pm
Anonymousme GOLD, San Antonio, Texas
15 articles 2 photos 64 comments

Favorite Quote:
John 3:16
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son so whoever believes in hill will not die but have eternal life.

Dreams are what make us who we are, a life without dreams is like a life without air.

HAHAHAHAHA! "The Hippo" I didn't know you where on Teen Ink! Thanks for the feedback everyone!:)

on Sep. 4 2010 at 12:31 pm
writerfluid SILVER, Tempe, Arizona
9 articles 0 photos 54 comments

Favorite Quote:
Greater good? I am your wife. I am the greatest good you are ever gonna get!

Hey lissy!  It's "The Hippo". :)  Nice story!  I think the begining was a little over-the-top, but the last two paragraphs are really good.  Nice use of imagry!  What happens next?!?

on Sep. 3 2010 at 6:02 pm
NeverCaredForKool-Aid GOLD, Elkridge, Maryland
13 articles 0 photos 531 comments

Favorite Quote:
I don't believe in hell but I believe in my parent's couch-- Watsky

I really liked this :)  I thought everything was very good.  You might have but more words like "heartbroken" and "alone "to describe her mental state after what had happened to her.  And I thought you might have compared the embrace she shared with Jake to how she was ready to embrace the new level of their relationship.

Other than those two little things, I thought this was absolutley perfect :)

Can you comment and rate my story, "Encounter"?


Sonata16 GOLD said...
on Sep. 3 2010 at 4:28 pm
Sonata16 GOLD, Mt. Pleasant, South Carolina
12 articles 0 photos 43 comments

Favorite Quote:
"There is no agony like bearing an untold story inside of you." --Zora Neil Hurston

I really like it, but I think you could have led up to the kiss more, giving more anticipation. I feel like you gave the story away, because it was just too short.


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