Four Shooting Stars ~Part 1~

August 4, 2010
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Life is unexpected.
It feels like it has a mind of its own
Like everything was decided
Before you had a chance
To give your opinions.

Life sucks.
Other times,
it’s sweet and juicy,
Loving, and embracing.

Life’s hold on us
Continues as it makes us dance
To an unfamiliar beat,
And we, the humans,
Have to live with it.

Oh, how we must
live with it,
Die trying,
Or kill ourselves
to be set free.


If only

I could lock my heart away
Then I would be happier,
But life’s not perfect
And I’m not perfect.

The moment I saw her
Last year, I fell hard,
Fast, and flat on my face.
I yearned with all my heart to be close to her.

Noelle. She was beautiful.
I liked her with all my heart.
I didn’t just like her because
She was beautiful on the outside,

But because she was
Also beautiful on the inside.
She was sweet, kind, gentle.
She was one of my images of perfection.

She was some one

I wanted close to me,
Some one I searched for
In a partner, some one
I wanted to be like.

She became someone very special
To me, but I should have walked
The other way the moment
I saw her and left her to be

A forgotten person
In my memory.
A fragment of the unexplored
World around me.

Of course I didn’t know

Everything I know now.
Now after knowing
Noelle for a year.
Now, after being her friend

For a year.
Stretching my hand out
For hers, when it looked
Like she needed it.

I grew use to Noelle.
The sweet smile on her face,
Her holding my hand
Every once in a while,

Her beautiful brownish
Blonde hair, which reminded
Others of the color of hay
And her olive green eyes.

Her skin was pale
To the point of being
Transparent, where at
Her wrists, hands, fingers,

And arms, you could see
Her brilliantly blue veins
Dancing their way under
Her skin.

Noelle’s hair is cut
With long bangs
Covering her olive
green eyes,

Long hair in the front,
And cut short in the back.
Now that I’m use to it
I believe it really suits her.

I only wish it didn’t cover
Her beautiful green eyes,
And slightly cover her
Cute freckles on the

Bridge of her nose.


Staring down at the screen

Of my cell phone,
I wait a short couple
Seconds, before I
Receive a reply
From Kathleen.

"I’m dating Lily.

She’s really cool.

You should get

To know her."

Crap. Why did I even ask?
I’ve known her for four years,
Liked her with all my heart,
Thought of her as my world,
But I might never be with her.

Cell phone vibrating
In my palm,
I slide it open
To find a text from

"Hey Noelle.

Can I ask you

A personal question?

You don’t have to answer

If you don’t want to though."

Alexa seems to know
The worst and the best
Times to text me.
Today is the worst,
But I reply back with a go ahead.

I wait for a minute to receive a new text

From Alexa,
Who for some reason
Seems always shy
Around me,
Even through text.

"Uh, are you bi?"

I feel my face become
Warmer, unsure of how
To respond to her question.
I wonder if I should lie or tell
The truth.

I decide since she’s my
Friend, I might as well
Tell her the truth.
“I’ve been considering it….
So yeah.” I message back.

My heart racing, I answer Kathleen’s IM

"Yeah, sure.
I’d love to get to
Know Lily."
Although I honestly
Wish Lily was just her friend.

My feelings for Kathleen.
I don’t know where they
Came from, but I think
I love her. She’s my
Whole world.

I just wish she could
love me like I love her.
But, she probably
Won’t ever return
My feelings.

My cell phone vibrates

Letting me know I have
A new message from
Alexa. I half wonder
What her reply will be.
Maybe Surprise?

She probably won’t care much,
Since she, herself, already told
Me she was bi.
I can’t imagine her feeling
Homophobic towards me.

I read the text, "Can

I ask who you like?"

I wonder if telling her who
I like would be a good idea.
I know Alexa doesn’t
Know her but I decide
To just describe Kathleen.

“She’s my best friend,
I care for her so very much.
She’s sixteen
And lives in Oregon and
I’ve known her for four years.”


My hearts racing fast

It pounds harder.
I wish I could answer
Back to Noelle with a
Anyone answer.
But that would be a lie.

I painfully, type that
I’m going out with Lily.
After all these years
Of knowing Noelle
I wish I could confess
My true feelings for her.

Although I do like Lily,
Lily will never mean
As much to me as Noelle
Does. My heart feels
Heavy from knowing the
Truth. The painful truth that I must face.

In truth I want

To see Noelle.
I want to hug her tight
In my arms when she’s sad.
I wish I could wrap my arms
Around her and tell her
'Everything will be ok'

And give her a kiss on
The cheek when she’s
Being adorable.
I want to watch over her,
Be close to her, and make
Sure she’s doing ok.

Noelle and I have webcam
A couple of times,
The first time I saw her face
I was so shocked at how
Beautiful she was.
She reminded me of an angel.

She was pure of heart,
As sweet as candy,
As beautiful as the stargazer
oriental lily, her personality
As rich as gold.
Oh, god I’m falling in love with her.

I stare at the computer screen

Yearning to know more
About Noelle. What she’s
Seen. What she hasn’t
Experienced. I IM
Noelle back "What
Haven’t you seen before,
That you’d love to see?"

I wait for a few seconds,
Knowing she is thinking it over.

"I’ve never seen a shooting

Star. I would love to see one."
I stare at Noelle’s words,
Wanting to tell her, I will
Take her one day, wrap

Her up in my arms and
Hold her tight when its cold.
And that we won’t come inside
From stargazing until she sees
A shooting star.
I decide to tell her part of this.
"We should go stargazing one day!"


Finally college is over

I can now move closer to
The girl I love. Alexa.

Although, I could never
Be with her, not now.

Not at this age.
I am 20.

The love of my life,
Alexa, is only 16.

She’s still a minor,
Still a ‘child’.

But the honest truth is
She’s everything I want.

Memories flood my mind

I remember meeting Alexa
When I was 14, so Alexa
Was about 9 going on 10.

She was cute, free spirited,
Really shy, but at the same time
Outgoing. I liked her right away.

She became my Earth,
Pulling me towards her
With gravity.

I’m the moon,
Alexa is the Earth,
My love towards her

Is the gravity
That she holds,
I’ll always circle around her.

Forever, I swear,
I will dance around her
Until I die.

I pull out my cell phone

Staring at the screen,
I dial her number
Wondering what to expect.

Holding my breath I press
TALK, wishing that she
Will answer.

Hoping that when I tell
Her that I want to move
Closer to her, she’ll be

Happy. I hear the ringing
Of the phone in my ear,
Waiting for someone to pick up.

"Hello?" I hear on the other

End. I finally exhale

“Hi. Is this Alexa?
It’s Danielle.” I
Say trying to not be nervous.

"Oh, hey Danielle!

I haven’t talked to

You in a long time.

How’s college? How

Are you?"

“I’m good. I just finished college.
So, I can live wherever I want now,
Although I like it in Los Angeles.”

"Oh really!? Where

Do you wanna live

Besides Los Angeles?"

“I was thinking about moving
To where you live. Living
In Washington with you
So we can hang out more.”

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