Butterflies

July 25, 2010
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As the car slowed to a stop in the car park, I took a deep breath in. This was it. The day I would actually see him; without being able to hide behind something or by simply turning the webcam off. I was nervous, who wouldn’t be?

I mean, I have known him, so to speak, for many years, but we lived so far apart that I had never seen him in person. After a lot of begging my parents, they agreed to go on a holiday to the UK for me to see him, I knew it had been a long shot to ask, but it was definitely worth it, and I was beyond excited when my mum finally booked the ferry.

Anyways, I got out of the car and searched through the contacts list on my phone until I saw his name and, with my hands shaking, pressed the green call button. He asked me to explain where I was so he could find me, and honestly, I made a right mess of that as I am terrible at giving descriptions of any sort. After a lot of “I’m walking past a hotel now...” , “Oh look, there’s a noodle bar! Hang on, I can’t pronounce the name” and other sentences such as that, I finally said the name of a shop that he knew and he told me to stay there and he’d be there in “five mins, tops”.

Sure enough, five minutes later he walked down the road, with his phone to his ear. The butterflies in my stomach were unbelievable by this point and I feared that my legs wouldn’t be strong enough to hold me up (they were, thank god). My heart sank a little when I heard him mutter “I love you too” into the phone, barely loud enough to hear. His girlfriend. Damnit.

He hung up the phone and put it into his pocket and looked at me with a smile on his face, said my name, and hugged me. (I was grinning far too much). He let go of me and turned to my parents, and politely said “Hello” and “I hope the car journey wasn’t too bad” with a crooked smile. He led us towards the town centre where we parted with my parents after agreeing to meet back at the same spot at 5:30pm.

As we walked into the shopping centre, someone shouted his name, and we turned around to see one of his friends walking towards us, she seemed nice, but she left a couple of minutes later, after a quick chat. We walked past all the shops in the centre and ended up going to see Toy Story 3.

As we sat in the cinema beside each other, a million things were running through my mind, “Does he like me?” being the main worry. The film was brilliant, and I loved hearing his laugh throughout the movie. (Even though I’m pretty sure he had seen it before, just told me he hadn’t)

After the movie we went to the nearby park, and sat by a tree, just talking for a while, about everything and anything (He likes me as much, if not more, in person, I’m told) and looking at the birds and the squirrels running up the sides of trees. The time was going by so fast, i wished it would slow down. I hugged him again and he held onto me for ages, it felt so amazing to experience one of his cuddles after getting “virtual” ones for the last few years.

We ended up sitting by the tree, with me in his arms for the last few hours, every now and then he would kiss my forehead and the top of my head and hold me closer. It felt like a dream, this couldn’t be happening , could it? Then he said it in person,

“I love you and I’m going to miss you so much when you leave”

Although he has told me he loves me before, across msn and on the phone, it felt so much more real in person, and the butterflies in my stomach went insane, but I was too afraid to say it back to him. I can’t explain how nice it was to have his arms around me, stroking my back and my side, until I finally said “I love you, more than anything, and I don’t want to leave” and looked him in the eyes, his amazing eyes. He cuddled me for a bit longer then turned around and carved our initials into the tree we were sitting against.

At this point, the tears were welling up in my eyes, and I grabbed him and held onto him for a lifetime, not wanting this to end at all. “Is that a wet shoulder I feel, beautiful?” he said, whilst holding my chin up. “Please smile, I don’t want you to cry” he said to me, and kissed me on the forehead and playfully tapped my nose with his index finger.

“I don’t want to leave you”

“I love you”

He told me how whenever he goes back to the park, he will always sit by “our tree” and remember this day. The butterflies floated back, and so did the tears. I could have stayed there forever. Easily.

Finally the time came where I had to go home, and he walked with me, back to where we had agreed to meet my parents. We said our goodbyes, I felt so upset, knowing that I might not see him for another year or however long.

I miss him.
He was so perfect.
He is so gorgeous.
He smelt fantastic.
He gave the best cuddles ever.




But now, sitting in my hotel room before I leave to go home, I’m thinking
“I really should have kissed him”
But, I can’t.
Stupid girlfriend.





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