A Secret No More This work is considered exceptional by our editorial staff.

July 28, 2010
He drummed his fingernails against the corner of his undersized school desk. Three… two… one- exactly six and a half minutes until sixth period lets out- six and a half minutes until he delivered. It was a schedule he had followed since sophomore year, every other Wednesday just after sixth period, he delivered the note. Never anything that could give him away- he either typed it up and avoided the use of his hand writing, or cut his desired words from newspapers and magazines, ransom-note style.

The message was always the same- the words always different. On Valentines Day last year he had given a small bag of conversation hearts, a cheesy card, and a yellow rose. She liked yellow. Halloween two years ago it was a chocolate eyeball and a small card saying, “You are my treat- here’s one for you. No tricks.” He’d given red and green gummy bears just before Christmas, Irish truffles around St. Patrick’s Day. Today however, like most delivery days, a simple folded piece of loose leaf was all he intended- in now four minutes and sixteen seconds- to slip into her locker. He had decided to give a plain and simple note today, a wrinkled “You enchant me” was all that was uttered on the wide-ruled paper he clutched in his right hand.

One minute and forty-three seconds, also know as eternity, to go. One hundred and three seconds was officially his least favorite number… one hundred and two… One-oh-one…

He got a sort of kick out of it- he imagined so did she. He wondered how exactly it made her feel when she received his notes. Was it the one thing that gave her self-esteem? Or did she think of herself just as fondly as he thought of her? Almost every night, in the late evening hours, she was the sun, and his thoughts were the planets- endlessly revolving around her. He contemplated all possible routes out of the Friend Zone, always trying to navigate a sure-fire road to her heart. Constantly, he wondered if he was going too far. Were his little gifts and treats too bold? His notes too strongly worded? Most of all, were the newspaper and tabloid clippings creepy? Did she think she had a stalker? These things troubled him to no end. But he was one of her closest friends, if this were bothering her, she would tell him as a friend- right? He was one of her closest friends- right?
Who did she think dropped the notes, anyway- a jock, or a techie, perhaps, but certainly not him? He knew he was a secret, pondered or not, he wasn’t sure, but only he knew that this Clark Kent lay under Superman’s six-pack.

The seconds ticked away as his patience and level of attention to the lesson diminished. He became jittery as Mr. Jacobson announced that it was now time to pack up- only twenty-four seconds remained on the teasing clock. Finally- the second hand reached the twelve and the minute hand became perfectly aligned with the two. He held his breath and waited for the bell to set him free.

The thirty-two seconds Mr. Jacobson’s clock was off by were agony- but in a way made the final bell even sweeter sounding. He wove his way through the crowed hallway; the destination was soon in sight.

Ten feet to go… three… two ... one… touchdown. The paper seamlessly slipped into her locker, making the tiniest sound as it landed on her thick beginning-of-spring hoodie. Not a moment later, though, his regulatory schedule was upset. She was exactly twenty-one seconds early- giving her a chance to see a hand dropping the note into he locker- and to whom the hand belonged.

If it was possible, his heart stopped and a smile jumped onto her face simultaneously. His gaze met hers, and at this moment he was still her lab partner, he was still her childhood friend, and he was still her next-door-neighbor.
But in that moment, and everyone that followed- the one thing he finally wasn’t, was her secret admirer.

Join the Discussion

This article has 44 comments. Post your own now!

Amiee said...
Aug. 30, 2010 at 7:39 am
hehe this is cute~ XD i like this, but i personally think that you could write better than this. but it's real cute, i like it ><
Amiee replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 2:14 am
oh really? this is sooo good for a 12-year old!!
TaliaWolf said...
Aug. 29, 2010 at 3:01 pm
This made my heart smile. I liked how he knew down to the second how everything would go because he had done it so often. And I think secretly every girl wishes her best guy friend had a crush on her or that something like this would happen to her
thepreechyteenager replied...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 8:37 pm

Haha thanks :)

Maybe some girls want there guy-friends to like them, but I just sort of want to keep things simple lol

guy friend = guy friend

boyfriend = boyfriend


TaliaWolf replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 5:47 pm
True enough
AvengedJasonFold said...
Aug. 25, 2010 at 7:06 pm

Not bad. The main problem with this was asking too many questions. You never want to directly ask a question if you're writing in third person. A master of suspense (this piece is built around suspense lol) knows how to make the reader ask the question for themselves.

Overall make this more concise, and you have yourself a solid piece my friend. What I mean by that is see if you can cut back on adverbs and extraneous modifiers. If you find any adverb or more than one modifier in the sa... (more »)

thepreechyteenager replied...
Sept. 1, 2010 at 8:35 pm
Thank you :)  This is really not one of my best pieces, but I submitted it for feedback anyways.  I probably make these mistakes you mensioned in a lot of my writing though, so thank you :)  Hey, maybe I can touch this up enought, (although in this situation, I think a better word would be 'mutilate') to resubmit and see how it does. :)  Thanks again.
laurathewise replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 7:49 pm

ARGH! Why do you keep saying it's not one of your best??? I liked it better than Encounters!


I also disagree with the question thing. I think it works well, makes him seem more anxious and innocent.

AvengedJasonFold replied...
Sept. 2, 2010 at 8:43 pm

thepreechyteenager: your welcome!!

laurathewise: the problem with the questions is that they're obvious questions that the reader is already asking. compare these two passages and see which one looks better:

I wake up and find myself in complete darkness. Where am I? What happened to me? Am I still dreaming? Something brushes against my leg. What was that? A snake? A worm? My little brother's hand?

I wake up and find myself in complete darkness. So... (more »)

A.Dreamer said...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 7:59 pm
At the beginning, you made it sound kinda like he was on a mission or something, but toward the middle, it started coming together. The plot seems kinda familiar, but I think you did a good job writing this, especially the fourth paragraph, I loved how you got in the main character's head at that point! :)
thepreechyteenager replied...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 8:52 pm
Thank you!  I know the story is a little cliche, but there has got to be some reason people keep on writing this over and over... or maybe not lol
AEAluvsanimals replied...
Sept. 11, 2010 at 7:02 pm

Its a great story, kind of like a God-Isn't-Life-Crazy-but-who Cares-Its-Great story. I don't know why I write stories with-s they're murder.


You don't have to tell me, though. I respect a writer's right to suspense

singing4ever said...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 11:05 am
It's a wonderfully sweet story that sounds like it really could happen. The description of his impatience at the beginning was fantastic.
thepreechyteenager replied...
Aug. 23, 2010 at 11:51 am
Thanks :)  I <3 comments!!!
-Missy- said...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 8:52 pm
This is a really good story. I am glad you asked me to read this. Good write, keep it up.
thepreechyteenager replied...
Aug. 22, 2010 at 7:15 am
Thank you soooo much :)
Stormythrone said...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 7:11 pm
I like this :) made me think he was a creeper in the beginning, but I liked how you made the story how it is and even added in a bit of suspense. Great job!
thepreechyteenager replied...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 7:31 pm
Haha thanks like I said romance isn't my thing by why not give it a whack?  I like whacking things haha!!
smart_blonde said...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 2:38 pm

Very creative and accurate piece of writing. It wasn't boring even though it was kind of long. Where did the idea come from?

Since I commented and rated yours, could you please pick any of my pieces and give me some feedback. Thanks and good job.

thepreechyteenager replied...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 6:03 pm
I will totally check out some of your stuff out- thanks for commenting!
J. Rae said...
Aug. 21, 2010 at 1:51 pm

Wow, you did a really good job with showing the guys emotions without boring the readers to death. You put the perfect amount of details in!

I want to know what the girl looks like. What did her face look like when she finds out that he was the secret admirer?

Site Feedback