Dear Diary,

July 15, 2010
By FreeAtLast1998 BRONZE, Brooklyn, New York
FreeAtLast1998 BRONZE, Brooklyn, New York
1 article 0 photos 1 comment

Favorite Quote:
"We do not write because we want to; we write because we have to."

W. Somerset Maugham

Dear Diary,

I've had another dream tonight about me and … him. I know its wrong to dream about him when he is not mine but its not like I can actually help it. I dreamed about us taking this long walk in the forest holding hands and looking at each other as if we were in love. It was a nice picture and then Rosaline came running in laughing and he didn't even look at her. It was as if he only noticed me and no one else. It was nice feeling loved by him. It was nice to feel that he wanted me and no one else. It was perfect and I would have stayed there for ever if not for me waking up.
I know you disapprove and I completely agree with you but I just can't help it. I can't help being in love. Yes, I am in love and my heart belongs to him and I don't think that will ever change. You know how hard this is for me and I wish that it never was like that. I wish that I could look at someone else and see how perfect other men are. There are lots of them out there after all. But I can't. Even when I close my eyes and try to imagine a completely different beauty, I can't. I only see him and I want to die because my love is unbearable, especially when he loves Rosaline.
Rosaline, my sister, my best friend. Rosaline, the person whom I always helped. Whom I always encouraged. The person whom I gave faith. Rosaline who always came to me to help her. Rosaline from whom I have no secrets, except for one. I love the man she loves and he doesn't notice anyone but her. And I can't tell her that, for I know that I will not only lose my friend but I will also lose my sister.
How terrible love is when you don't get it in return. How cruel when you can't tell anyone about it even your own best friend. How great and fascinating love is when you see the person your heart belongs too and it beats so quickly and your eyes can never adjust to the beauty of the soul of the man you truly are in love with.
Love is something you can't help and its everything in one. I envy those who find their true love souls. I understand those who can't get their love back in return. And I pity those who have never loved anyone before. Its so confusing you see but you have to live with it, there is no way around it, no way at all.
Rosaline is still asleep and I am glad because I can let this all out without looking back cautioned over the fact that she just might stand there glancing over my shoulder, reading the terrible things I say. I love her too much to tell her the truth and even if I didn't I still wouldn't have the strength to say it. And at the same time, I am scared. Scared that she will never look at me the way she does now. Scared that she would hate me. Scared that she would reject me. I don't want any of those and that is why I shall keep this whole a secret.
I know you have faith in me and I am glad that you do. I will figure it out and even if I don't, I will keep the ones I love happy because they are everything to me and I am just one human. Just one human who will suffer. Thats alright it won't reflect on anything or anyone.
Thank you.


The author's comments:
This piece was inspired by my first love!

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